Mommy is “Unavailable”
Because I spent an insane wealth of my life falling asleep on Big I’s floor when she was a toddler while waiting for her to drift off to dreamland, Lil C’s bedtime has been Mr. BBM’s special assignment. Bedtime is my time to write, work, read, eat without having to share, and catch up on my recorded TV shows. (It used to be my kata time, but we’re not going to talk about that now because I’ll cry or something and the whole post will be ruined.)
Lil C will frequently cry when it’s bedtime and ask for me. If Mr. BBM says I’m downstairs, Lil C tries to go downstairs. If he tells her I’m in bed, she says, "Lay wif Mommy." If he tells her I’m "busy," she doesn’t buy it and yells for me louder, "TELL MOMMEEEE. TELL MOMMEEEEEE." We’re not exactly sure what she needs to tell me, but it’s probably that she doesn’t want to go to bed.
A couple weeks ago he found the perfect explanation for why I’m not present when he’s putting her to bed. When she yells "Where’s Mommy at?" Mr. BBM’s chosen response has been "Mommy’s pooping." I was curious as to why she was always asking me about my pooping habits and now I know why. Apparently, if Mommy’s allegedly "pooping," she accepts that explanation and goes to sleep. Funny that no matter what I say, it doesn’t stop her from barging into the bathroom to supervise whenever I’m in there and she happens to feel like joining me.
Without Mr. BBM saying a word about it, Lil C now asks each night, "Is Mommy poopin’?" when she sees that she’s destined to be put to bed once again by Daddy. I told Mr. BBM he needs to come up with something else. I don’t want her growing up thinking that her mother spends the entire evening "pooping." Things could get unnecessarily embarrassing when she starts attending school. "So what does your Mommy do, Lil C?" "Well, my Mommy does a lot of pooping every night." Fabulous.
The other night he told her I was asleep on the sofa, which was not far from the truth considering I took some allergy medication to ward off the sneezing and itchy eyes that have been driving me insane. For once, she bought it and went to sleep.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure that she would actually buy such a response. Mr. BBM probably told her I was "pooped," and to her, that probably still means I’m in the bathroom.
Great.
If it Looks like a Rat. . .
For a moment, imagine you are a model. You’ve always taken good care to make sure you accept projects that are respectable. You don’t want your image tarnished because you have a husband, children and even elementary students since your day job is as a graduate student in elementary education.
You accept a job modeling a necklace. You go to the shoot, and film several different scenarios. They’re all family friendly and potentially humorous. At the end of the shoot, while wearing a silky lingerie camisole and necklace, you’re asked to lay down on the red satin sheets and writhe around a bit as if you’re a-hem, enjoying something.
When the ad comes out, the only thing you see is yourself writhing around on the sheets, looking "happy." All that funny family-friendly footage is gone. This is what remains. If you can’t see the video, go here for the video direct from you tube. (This is totally not work safe unless you watch it on mute. I wouldn’t watch it around your children either unless you plan on having a lengthy discussion that you might not yet be ready to have):
Need a minute? Understandable. . .
(Twiddling thumbs). . . ready now?
So, you do what any scorned American would do, right? You sue the company for portraying you in such a manner and expect to get $5 million out of it.
If I didn’t know better, I would think that this entire thing (commercial and lawsuit) is a publicity stunt pulled by Szul.com and the model to gain "buzz" about their ad campaign and to get their name out there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t imagine someone being stupid enough to think that footage like this wouldn’t be used if you allow it to be filmed. We live in America where sex sells. Let’s see, humorous commercial featuring a necklace, or one with a woman writhing around on a bed? I’m putting my money on the bed images to get more attention. How about you?
This isn’t some young, naive girl either. She’s a grown woman, in her 30’s with a family and a career other than modeling. If she’s been in the business for so long, then why couldn’t she spot a bad situation. If I’m a model and I go to film a funny commercial and someone asks me to put on lingerie and writhe around on satin sheets, I think I’m probably going to sense that there is a serious problem and get myself out of there. If she was so concerned about not tarnishing her "wholesome" image, then why did she agree to do this anyway? It’s not like someone stood there with a gun and made her do what she did.
Congratulations to Szul.com for finding a way to get their previously unknown name out there in ways they could not ever have imagined. There’s nothing like another frivolous lawsuit to get the attention of the entire country and beyond.
Ordered to Lounge
After hearing the surgeon say that the crutches are only for my comfort last Friday, I decided to take a mental leap of faith and ditch one. I’ve been operating with only one crutch all week long.
I took Big I to karate class last night with only one crutch, and even managed to make it up and down that scary flight of stairs to the upstairs training room to watch the advanced class. It was great to be there, see everyone, and watch some karate.
Feeling so good, today I took another leap. Although I’ve been ditching the crutches altogether to get around smaller rooms like the bathroom and kitchen, today I walked into PT without them at all.
My PT was shocked. "No CRUTCHES!" he exclaimed. I asked him if I was walking o.k. without them and he said I was walking fine. It was when I took my brace off and pulled my pant leg up that the smile faded.
I was swollen so much so that my PT couldn’t see the top of my knee cap like he could just days after surgery. I’ve been ordered to back off a bit with my ambitious no crutches plan. I need to use one crutch, lounge, and ice more often. PT’s orders.
Because of the swelling, my flexion remained the same today. I’m stuck at "around the same place" I was on Monday. That’s probably PT talk for going backwards a bit. Backwards is not the direction I want to go. Bending my leg underneath that training table is the worst part of PT. It takes several minutes for my knee to get warmed up enough to bend, and then I have to fight the muscle tightening and twitching that happens all throughout my upper leg.
When I’m doing the bending and trying to push it a bit, my leg shakes and twitches and I have to back off and just breathe through the pain before trying again. When my PT sits in front of me and gently bends my knee, I don’t twitch. Today I told him he is able to instantly make me relax. I told him he is endorphins in human form. He got a kick out of that. Maybe it’s because I know and trust him after working with him for two months now. I just wish I could have the same relaxing effect on myself when I do the bending and stretching.
Although I may have been a bit overly ambitious with eliminating the crutches, the increase in activity is a necessary evil. I lost my help mid-week, and meeting the needs of a demanding two-year old all day long is not exactly what the doctor ordered. I tried to take it easy as much as possible, even allowing Lil C to have a Pop-Tart for lunch one day (Shh, don’t tell anyone!). I guess I probably should have held off on doing that load of laundry today too, but when you only have three outfits that work with your knee brace, laundry is another one of those necessary evils.
It’s all just too soon.
I guess this is where my resolution of being a more patient person comes into play. It’s just such a confusing place to be right now. I want to get better and progress with my recovery. The doctor basically said I only needed the crutches for my mental well-being. My PT says I need them until I’m through this acute phase, and from the looks of my knee today, he is right.
For me, this weekend means going back to the couch, pillows and frozen peas. Baby steps.
***The latest review is up at The BBM Review. If you have gift cards, holiday money, or returns and are interested in some fun, interactive toys for your children, check out the Cranium Bloom review.
Holiday in Review
In the interest of telling you about something other than my knee, here’s a little photo essay for you:
These pictures, taken the day before Christmas, mark the first time I laughed so hard I cried post surgery.
Why you should NEVER let Pop-Pop strap you in your car seat. . . "Um Pop-Pop, those straps go OVER my shoulders."
"No seriously. What’s the deal with this? Is someone going to fix it or what?"
Some kids like Santa. . .
And some kids think Santa is nothing more than a scary dude with bad fashion sense and a scratchy beard. . .
Some kids are wide awake on Christmas morning and open all of their gifts in 10 minutes flat. . .
. . . while others scoot down the stairs repeatedly saying "Oh MAN, back in da crib" because her big sister woke her up entirely too early. . .
"I’ll take one of Mommy’s Saltine’s before I even THINK about opening a present."
By Round three of visiting relatives, little people get a little happier (even if Mommy still looks fairly miserable).
Last but not least, because it had to be included, is Big I growing up or what? Slow down girl!
I hope you had a great holiday season. Happy New Year to everyone!
A Difficult Resolution to Make
It is easy to forget why I put myself through ACL reconstruction surgery when I’m not in the dojo and around the people I train with on a regular basis. Although I miss karate greatly, after enduring these past two weeks, it would be easy to convince myself that going back is a bad idea. It’s a very scary prospect, the thought of reinjuring my knee or hurting the other one.
Yesterday, a karate friend came for a visit and it was just the mental boost I needed. Seeing him and discussing karate and training brought it all back to me, the reason I put myself through this. He brought me a book on training for speed, and the visit lit a fire under me. My fear of going back was trumped by a new determination to get back in there. I need to get back in there. Just being there makes me feel better, and that is what I’ve been missing these past couple weeks. My goal is to get back into the dojo within the next two weeks.
This may seem like a minor thing to someone who doesn’t know my dojo. However, my dojo is not exactly easy to get into. There is a big step to get up into the dojo with double doors, which is challenging enough on its own for someone who has to walk with a completely straight leg. The big step is followed by a full staircase of very narrow steps. The railings do not extend to the very top of the stairs. Since injuring my knee in October, I’ve been sitting and scooting up and down those stairs Lil C style. Just being able to get in there would feel like such a huge accomplishment right now; and I know it would feel good to see everyone and watch them train. This will be a big step back to independence, and one that I need to do soon. It has nothing to do with my knee, but everything to do with my mental well-being.
I worked a bit on that independence this morning. I showered, got dressed (minus putting my shoe and sock on my left foot because I just can’t do that yet), and drove myself to physical therapy. Everything took twice as long to do as it usually does. It felt good to be in the car by myself, but I need to remind Mr. BBM to not use the emergency brake. I had to contort myself into a pretzel to apply enough pressure with my right foot to release it, since my left foot is just not ready for the job yet.
The drive was going fine until my new navigation system started talking to me from its concealed location on the floor. I about jumped out of my skin, thinking someone was in the back seat. Flustered from that little scare, getting out of the car almost induced a panic attack. I’m semi-claustrophobic. I don’t like being stuck. I can barely stand being in my knee brace sometimes because of feeling confined. In order to get into the car, I had to slide the seat all the way back so as to pull my bent and sore leg into the car without twisting it. Once in the car, I moved the seat back up a bit to be able to drive comfortably. Forgetting I had done this, I tried to get out of the car without first moving the seat back and started having an internal freak out session when I couldn’t get my leg out of the car.
I tried to quiet the anxiety by telling myself that if I was able to get in the car just five minutes ago, then there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to get back out. It was then that I remembered to move the seat back and life got a little easier.
We started my PT session with ice and stims as usual. I was able to complete my quad sets with only a small rolled up towel under my knee for the first 15 and then nothing under my knee for the last 15. My knee cap feels a little funny when I do them that way, but I need to make sure I can keep full extension. My PT gave me a 2.5 lb. weight for my leg lifts today and that went fine. I’ve been doing leg lifts like crazy at home so I think I’m getting a little stronger.
Then it was time for the bending. The first few bends are always so difficult. My knee feels so stiff and uncomfortable, but after five or six, I can move a lot better. My PT helped by gently bending my knee for me after I had done a bunch on my own. It felt so much better when he was doing it for me. I don’t know what it is about him, but he’s very soothing and he helps me relax. He brought out the measuring device and I dreaded hearing the number since I wasn’t feeling like I was bending that much.
109 degrees.
That’s a six degree improvement from just three days ago. Today is the two week mark post surgery and my PT said that at this point he likes people to be at 90 degrees. He said I’ve "shattered" that. Despite his encouragement and a number that can’t be denied, I have to say that I don’t feel like I’m shattering anything these days.
The progress may seem rapid to my PT and to others, but to me it seems to be at the pace of a snail. I want to feel normal in the worst way. I want to be rid of the crutches. My PT asked me why I feel I still have to use them. I showed him how I walk without them. It’s not pretty. It’s a stutter step on that left leg to quickly get me back on my right. Putting full weight on my left leg feels like teetering on the edge of a cliff. My quad is still rebelling.
He said we’re going to try to get me off the crutches within the next week or two. He told me to try to use just one at home, and keep putting more and more weight on that leg, since it will also help my quad muscle come back to life. Once home again, I was able to get around with one crutch in my kitchen. My goal for the next few days is to put more and more weight on that leg for longer periods of time.
When I first injured my knee, one of my instructors told me that "injuries teach us patience." I’m not a very patient person, but I think that my resolution for 2008 will have to be becoming more patient. Otherwise, this rehabilitation is going to be too frustrating and annoying. Becoming more patient is the only way my mind and body are going to be able to get along.
What’s your resolution for 2008?
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