January 11, 2008

Will I Ever Feel Ready?

Physical therapy brought flexion of 120 degrees yesterday. That’s a five degree improvement from just two days before. I also rode the bike, going entirely forward, for five minutes without any issues besides a small twinge of protest from the knee every once in a while. My PT added some new at home exercises to the regime; and next week, we’re adding the leg press. I’m getting somewhere. I’m really getting somewhere.

After PT, I took Big I to karate class. I stayed after her class to watch the advanced class again. Last night was so cool. They were working on self defense and there were bodies flying all over the place. When I went downstairs to check on Big I and the girls she was playing with, it sounded like a thunderstorm from bodies hitting the floor above. It was interesting to watch because I noticed so many things I might not have if I had been out on the floor. I paid special attention to distancing between people, and feel like I really learned something about off-balancing an attacker.

Looking at the techniques from a seated point of view was one thing. It wasn’t until later in the class, when people started hitting the ground with some good force, that I started getting a little nervous inside. How will I ever go back to doing those kinds of things again? How long will it be before I can comfortably let someone throw me around on the training floor? How long before I’ll be comfortable being uke again?

I guess I’m having a difficult time imagining myself at full strength. I feel like I’m always going to want to protect my knee and not do anything that might aggravate it. I’m going to need to really trust my partner and feel comfortable working with him/her in the future. Most importantly, I know I can’t rush back. I need to listen to my body and take it slow. When I do go back, I’m going to have to be very cautious and sit things out if I don’t feel I’m ready yet.

Tackling increased flexion and a bike each week is going to be a piece of cake compared to the mental readiness it’s going to take to get me comfortably back on the training floor.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on January 11, 2008 in ACL Hell | 7 Comments

January 9, 2008

Raising a Drama Queen (or two)

The other day, Lil C and I were having a leisurely morning watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when she announced that her name is no longer "Lil C."

"My name. . . Drama," she said. She paused for emphasis and then added, "My name drama QUEEN." I laughed out loud. She’s obviously paying attention when Mr. BBM and I talk about her. She realized she was being cute and funny and took it one step further. "My name Princess Drama Queen," she said. Apparently, she’s been playing with Big I a lot too.

Lil C has always been very different from Big I. Big I was, for the most part, always pretty quiet, calm and sweet. She had her moments but they were few and far between. Lil C has been an entirely different story. With a big sister to aggravate her, plenty of toys that are off limits as per Big I, and a feisty attitude to begin with, calling herself "drama queen" is not all that far from the truth.

It got me to thinking about the rest of our family and how we operate. Is "drama" a learned behavior or was she just born dramatic? Here are a couple examples to help formulate an opinion:

When a particular member of our family gets a splinter, there is screaming, sobbing, and frantic freaking out akin to what winning the lottery must be like, except of course, not a good freaking out, a bad one, a very very bad one. When trying to get the offending piece of wood out, a certain somebody will pull their hand away when you get within two feet of it and this will continue for at least a good 10 minutes.
If a bee or wasp gets into the house, there is a total and complete "lock down" of the BBM household, as in "Everyone get to the safe room and NOW!" Complete with towels to plug up the narrow air holes under the doors, and a case of water in case the stand off is a long one, the BBM family goes into hiding Y2K style until the offending "beast" is "offed" with hairspray, bug killer or a nearby shoe.
When a certain someone in this house gets in trouble, this person will sometimes send themselves to their room before being told to go there. This doesn’t mean this person remains there quietly. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. This certain someone has a mirror in their room. Upon entering the room, one will find this person flailing about in front of the mirror, complete with crocodile tears, while screaming "Why? Why? Why?" at their image in the mirror. Where are the "All My Children" casting people when you need them?
A certain someone has recently decided that no meat will cross their tongue except for Chicken McNuggets. This person has also gotten very picky about all types of food with the exception of Pop-Tarts. This person will eat any type of Pop-Tart. I swear they could contain pork chops, and if wrapped in that nice little pastry with a little icing, this person would still be all over it. When it’s time for dinner, if this person doesn’t like the selection, it is not unusual for this person to wind up on the floor, moaning and whining her opposition to the offending entree. Many times the moaning/whining/flailing combo happens underneath the table where it is greatly entertaining for "Princess Drama Queen" in training.

Do you think you can properly identify the Drama Queen "Sensei" in the family?

If you guessed BBM as the main character behind all of these drama-filled scenarios, then you would be. . . . correct. Actually, just kidding. That was for added drama. We’re all pretty good at drama in this household, each and every one of us. Now if you’ll excuse me. . .

"Mr. BBM, get out from under the table now; and for the LOVE of GOD, get away from the mirror! We are NOT having Chicken McNuggets for dinner AGAIN!"

"You won’t get out from under the table?" (I know how to get you out from under there. . . )

"Oh no, what’s that noise? What’s that. . . BUZZING? I think there’s a wasp in the house! Take cover. TAKE COVER!!! Get to the safe room NOOOOWWWWWW!!!"

***The latest review is up at The BBM Review. Have a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse fan in the house? Don’t miss it.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on January 9, 2008 in Mental Strain for Mama | 5 Comments

January 8, 2008

High Five Inducing PROGRESS

Today was the most painful day yet at physical therapy. It was also the best day so far. I’m not afraid of a little pain. I just need a healthy dose of "gain" to go along with it. Today I got it all.

Before we get to the details, here is my knee, three weeks and one day post-op:

We started with ice and stims. My PT was much happier with the appearance of my knee today as compared to Friday. He contemplated using heat, but played it safe. My PT told me I can start using cocoa butter on three of the four incisions. He showed me how to rub the scar tissue away and it hurt. I told him I’m going to need to have a drink before I do that to myself each day. It was all I could do not to physically make him remove his fingers from my incisions as he showed me how to torture myself.

After that bit of "fun," I completed my quad sets and leg lifts with weights. I also used a strap to stretch out my very tight leg muscles. Because my PT was busy with a new patient, I got busy working on my flexion by myself. While getting my stim and ice treatment, I was reading "My Journey with the Grandmaster" by Kyoshi William Hayes. I was reading this chapter about the hidden techniques in Okinawan karate. Much of the chapter talked about individuals and how to each person the martial arts, even within the same style, is a little different. He compared serious students to those who just walk through kata, never seeing the true meaning or hidden techniques inside.

I don’t know if it was my "Karate: it comes from within" t-shirt I had on, the reading, or a combination of both; but for some reason, I began to think about the mental aspects of martial arts training. During my flexion exercises, I stopped thinking of it as a physical hurdle and started thinking of it as a mental one instead. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and seisan style, breathed the air out as I forced my knee to bend further and further. I took my time, willed my twitching muscles to relax, and continued to work at it for 20 minutes.

At one point, my PT walked by me and smiled. "We’re going to have a good day," he said, referring to my flexion. After several more minutes, he came back to take the measurement. He told me I needed 110 degrees to try the bike. Doing it entirely by myself, I was able to push it further than I ever have before.

115 degrees.

My PT was so elated that he got the biggest grin on his face and shouted out "HIGH FIVE" as he reached his hand up to meet mine. It was such a good moment.

He had me strap my brace back on and them adjusted the brace so that I can bend my knee however much I want when I’m not walking around on it. I locked it back into place and walked to the bike.

My PT warned me not to expect much. My first attempt at a complete rotation didn’t work. It hurt so badly it made me draw a quick breath. He told me that it was o.k. if I didn’t make it around at all, to just go back and forth, making sure I stayed comfortable.

Backwards went much easier and after a few tries, I was able to go completely around. He told me to continue going backwards and then if things loosened up, I could try going forward again. He left me alone for 3.5 minutes. I gradually worked through the pain going backwards, and built up the nerve to try going forward again. I had to point my foot to make it, but I did it. I continued to go around forward and picked up the pace just a bit. By the time the last minute rolled around, I was able to go completely around without having to point my foot to make it more comfortable.

After doing so well on the bike, my PT helped me get down and had me do some exercises with the tension bands. I was able to complete three sets of 10 and felt my quads got a decent work out. When all the hard work was done, he told me that people rarely make a complete rotation on their first try on the bike, let alone many like I did. I was beaming, and the best news was yet to come.

My PT told me I can unlock my brace to sleep from now on, and next week he’ll probably unlock my brace permanently so that I can start walking less like a peg-leg pirate and more like a normal person. He congratulated me on a good day filled with progress and I left.

When I got in the car, my new Feist CD was playing and "I Feel It All" came blaring out of the speakers. It’s an awesome song and the reason why I now own three of her CD’s. (If you can’t see the embedded video, click here for the song.)

Although I like her music very much, I have no clue what she’s talking about in most of her songs. It didn’t matter. "I Feel It All" was the most appropriate song for today, because that’s exactly what I did.

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside. . .

I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn’t rest, I didn’t stop. . .

I don’t know what I knew before
Now I know I wanna win the war. . .

No one likes to take a test. . .
Fly away. . .
Fly away to what you want to make. . .

I felt the pain today and over the last couple weeks. I feel the disappointment of having to stop training and delay my Shodan (Black Belt) test indefinitely. I worked through all of it today, and I felt the satisfaction. The progress that I’ve been trying to wait for so patiently finally made an appearance. It’s not a Shodan test. It’s rotation on a bike, something that would have been easy to do a month ago; but I can honestly say that the accomplishment I felt today feels as monumental as I’m sure passing my Shodan test will feel someday.

I couldn’t stop the onslaught of tears that started pouring down my face. I feel every jolt of the pain that sometimes takes my breath away, but it makes the resulting accomplishment taste that much sweeter.

I do indeed "feel it all" and today, in spite of the pain, it all felt good.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on January 8, 2008 in ACL Hell | 9 Comments

January 7, 2008

Mommy is “Unavailable”

Because I spent an insane wealth of my life falling asleep on Big I’s floor when she was a toddler while waiting for her to drift off to dreamland, Lil C’s bedtime has been Mr. BBM’s special assignment. Bedtime is my time to write, work, read, eat without having to share, and catch up on my recorded TV shows. (It used to be my kata time, but we’re not going to talk about that now because I’ll cry or something and the whole post will be ruined.)

Lil C will frequently cry when it’s bedtime and ask for me. If Mr. BBM says I’m downstairs, Lil C tries to go downstairs. If he tells her I’m in bed, she says, "Lay wif Mommy." If he tells her I’m "busy," she doesn’t buy it and yells for me louder, "TELL MOMMEEEE. TELL MOMMEEEEEE." We’re not exactly sure what she needs to tell me, but it’s probably that she doesn’t want to go to bed.

A couple weeks ago he found the perfect explanation for why I’m not present when he’s putting her to bed. When she yells "Where’s Mommy at?" Mr. BBM’s chosen response has been "Mommy’s pooping." I was curious as to why she was always asking me about my pooping habits and now I know why. Apparently, if Mommy’s allegedly "pooping," she accepts that explanation and goes to sleep. Funny that no matter what I say, it doesn’t stop her from barging into the bathroom to supervise whenever I’m in there and she happens to feel like joining me.

Without Mr. BBM saying a word about it, Lil C now asks each night, "Is Mommy poopin’?" when she sees that she’s destined to be put to bed once again by Daddy. I told Mr. BBM he needs to come up with something else. I don’t want her growing up thinking that her mother spends the entire evening "pooping." Things could get unnecessarily embarrassing when she starts attending school. "So what does your Mommy do, Lil C?" "Well, my Mommy does a lot of pooping every night." Fabulous.

The other night he told her I was asleep on the sofa, which was not far from the truth considering I took some allergy medication to ward off the sneezing and itchy eyes that have been driving me insane. For once, she bought it and went to sleep.

Now that I think about it, I’m not sure that she would actually buy such a response. Mr. BBM probably told her I was "pooped," and to her, that probably still means I’m in the bathroom.

Great.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on January 7, 2008 in Mental Strain for Mama | 9 Comments

January 5, 2008

If it Looks like a Rat. . .

For a moment, imagine you are a model. You’ve always taken good care to make sure you accept projects that are respectable. You don’t want your image tarnished because you have a husband, children and even elementary students since your day job is as a graduate student in elementary education.

You accept a job modeling a necklace. You go to the shoot, and film several different scenarios. They’re all family friendly and potentially humorous. At the end of the shoot, while wearing a silky lingerie camisole and necklace, you’re asked to lay down on the red satin sheets and writhe around a bit as if you’re a-hem, enjoying something.

When the ad comes out, the only thing you see is yourself writhing around on the sheets, looking "happy." All that funny family-friendly footage is gone. This is what remains. If you can’t see the video, go here for the video direct from you tube. (This is totally not work safe unless you watch it on mute. I wouldn’t watch it around your children either unless you plan on having a lengthy discussion that you might not yet be ready to have):

Need a minute? Understandable. . .

(Twiddling thumbs). . . ready now?

So, you do what any scorned American would do, right? You sue the company for portraying you in such a manner and expect to get $5 million out of it.

If I didn’t know better, I would think that this entire thing (commercial and lawsuit) is a publicity stunt pulled by Szul.com and the model to gain "buzz" about their ad campaign and to get their name out there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t imagine someone being stupid enough to think that footage like this wouldn’t be used if you allow it to be filmed. We live in America where sex sells. Let’s see, humorous commercial featuring a necklace, or one with a woman writhing around on a bed? I’m putting my money on the bed images to get more attention. How about you?

This isn’t some young, naive girl either. She’s a grown woman, in her 30’s with a family and a career other than modeling. If she’s been in the business for so long, then why couldn’t she spot a bad situation. If I’m a model and I go to film a funny commercial and someone asks me to put on lingerie and writhe around on satin sheets, I think I’m probably going to sense that there is a serious problem and get myself out of there. If she was so concerned about not tarnishing her "wholesome" image, then why did she agree to do this anyway? It’s not like someone stood there with a gun and made her do what she did.

Congratulations to Szul.com for finding a way to get their previously unknown name out there in ways they could not ever have imagined. There’s nothing like another frivolous lawsuit to get the attention of the entire country and beyond.