January 11, 2008
Will I Ever Feel Ready?
Physical therapy brought flexion of 120 degrees yesterday. That’s a five degree improvement from just two days before. I also rode the bike, going entirely forward, for five minutes without any issues besides a small twinge of protest from the knee every once in a while. My PT added some new at home exercises to the regime; and next week, we’re adding the leg press. I’m getting somewhere. I’m really getting somewhere.
After PT, I took Big I to karate class. I stayed after her class to watch the advanced class again. Last night was so cool. They were working on self defense and there were bodies flying all over the place. When I went downstairs to check on Big I and the girls she was playing with, it sounded like a thunderstorm from bodies hitting the floor above. It was interesting to watch because I noticed so many things I might not have if I had been out on the floor. I paid special attention to distancing between people, and feel like I really learned something about off-balancing an attacker.
Looking at the techniques from a seated point of view was one thing. It wasn’t until later in the class, when people started hitting the ground with some good force, that I started getting a little nervous inside. How will I ever go back to doing those kinds of things again? How long will it be before I can comfortably let someone throw me around on the training floor? How long before I’ll be comfortable being uke again?
I guess I’m having a difficult time imagining myself at full strength. I feel like I’m always going to want to protect my knee and not do anything that might aggravate it. I’m going to need to really trust my partner and feel comfortable working with him/her in the future. Most importantly, I know I can’t rush back. I need to listen to my body and take it slow. When I do go back, I’m going to have to be very cautious and sit things out if I don’t feel I’m ready yet.
Tackling increased flexion and a bike each week is going to be a piece of cake compared to the mental readiness it’s going to take to get me comfortably back on the training floor.
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what’s that saying? “time heals all wounds” or something? i prefer “time ripens everything”- in time you will be ready. just keep pacing yourself and be gentle with your own timeframe. if anyone can fully heal it is you!
I agree with sizzle…if anyone can do it, you have the wherewithall to do it. I think you sitting in on their class is a wise move on your part. You learn from everything around you – spectating as well as participation. I have probably said this before, but I think that is why I love the martial arts – it is as much mind as it is matter. In most cases, your will has as much to do with it as your physical capabilities. But know your own limitations – don’t rush it. Good luck tomorrow at your PT appt.!
Hi, BBM,
In a sense, I’m still in the place you are. I’m very nervous about returning to grappling and, to a lesser extent, full kickboxing in February. But then, I was also nervous just getting back to class, putting weight on my leg and twisting it, etc.
If it helps to think this way, I think there are many steps to recovering our confidence. I think we do one thing we’re nervous about, and we see we can do it. Then we progress to something else. Be patient with yourself, we all know you’ll get there.
Trust in your surgeon and PT. They’ve been through this many, many times, and I’m sure you (and I, and BobSpar) are NOT the first martial artists they’ve worked with.
Think back to that very first class, when your uniform and white belt were both creased and stiff, still reeking of the plastic bag you just pulled them out of.
Then remember how far away your current belt seemed at THAT time!
You’re mentally preparing yourself every time you go to PT. You’re mentally preparing yourself by sitting in on those classes, even if you don’t think you are. You’re working on rebuilding your strength and you’re seeing where you can make changes to compensate for your leg. That helps immensely. It’s a form of mental “body building”.
Geez, I’m sorry. I’ve been so out of the loop on blogs lately I had no idea you had something done to your knee. Here’s to hoping that you’re fully healed in no time.
Boy DO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!I think about that all the time, most recently tonight when I was watching my son’s class. The truth is I’ve hurt myself before(but not this badly), and got off the mat for many years, and now wonder how I’m going to manage the transition back again. My biggest problem is always knowing my limits. How do I force myself to remember not to overdo it? It’s like forgetting the pain of childbirth and having another! ugh!