The Dark Side. . . Revealed
It is really challenging to get a 5-year old to hold a camera really still.
Exhibit A
The pictures I tried to take of myself didn’t turn out so great either. The flash made my hair look bright red.
So these are the best I can do for now. . .
I actually think I prefer myself blurry.
So what do you think? Am I dark and mysterious or should I go find a bottle of blonde, stat?
Going to the Dark Side
On Friday, I had a hair appointment. I went in expecting that I would get some highlights. I figured I'd leave there with a darker blonde overall look and the same cut. I left looking a lot different than I expected.
My stylist told me that the fall colors are deep, rich shades without highlights. I mentioned something about when I had gone darker last winter and he basically said, "Pshaw right" and went off to mix up something new and different. I sat there while he was mixing it up thinking that doing something different is good. It would be nice to have a change. Then I flipped through a hair magazine and looked at all those light blondes and wondered if I should yell for him to mix up a nice batch of blonde instead. I kept my mouth shut.
As he put the color on my hair, it looked like deep red blood. I felt a little panicky but he told me it would darken up. It did. As I sat there, I watched the red turn into a deep brown. Then it was time to wash it all out.
When I returned back to the chair I almost fell over. My hair was wet, sure, but it was really dark. REALLY dark. Then we started discussing cuts. He casually mentioned cutting about five inches off the back and I got sick. "Put your hand where you want to cut to," I told him. I negotiated down to three inches and joked that he probably cut four anyway.
When I was completely dry and styled, I couldn't believe the difference. I didn't look like me at all. I liked it but told him I was going to need some time to get used to the very surprising new me.
I went to pick up Sassy from my Mom's house. When I arrived and peeked through the door, they both thought I was my sister. When they realized it was me, there were a couple "Woah's." Then Sassy said, "Um, I don't really like your hair. I think you need to get some blonde highlights."
Awesome.
My Mom said she liked it but would need some time to get used to it.
I came home to Big I and Mr. BBM. Big I said, "Woah" and stared at me for a while. Mr. BBM was all "Woah" too. That seemed to be the word of the day.
After bridal gown shopping with my sister, I dropped her off and saw my dad. Always blatantly honest, he said, "you need to go buy a bottle of bleach." As I got closer to him, he said "Well, it's not that bad. You just look really different." I'll take that. It's the best I'll probably get from my dad.
On Saturday night, we went out for a bite to eat and I noticed they had Bass Ale on the menu. I asked the waitress, "How big is the pint?" since they had three sizes. She sort of laughed and Mr. BBM looked at me and said, "16 ounces, duh. . . "
I was about to say I was having a blonde moment, and then I realized I couldn't use that as an excuse anymore. "Brunette moment" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
This morning, I nearly attacked my mirror when I went to brush my teeth, thinking there was some crazy dark-haired girl in my bathroom. I like the change, but I also think I'm going to need some more time to get used to it.
I realize writing this post without a picture is just pure evil, but the one I have just doesn't do it justice. I'll get the husband to break out the good camera and put something up soon. Promise.
An Amy Winehouse Fairy Tale
I had an absolute blast this Halloween. While many of my friends were creating fantastic family themes for themselves, their husbands and children, Mr. BBM and I just didn't have it in us to create a wholesome family costume theme this year. We got an idea and we just thought it would be best if the girls did their own thing. . .
I present to you, an Amy Winehouse Halloween Fairy Tale Photo Book (with thoughtful interruptions from BBM)…
You didn't realize Amy Winehouse was the mother of Hermione and Minney Mouse, did you?
(What was I going to do? Make Sassy my microphone and Big I my travel bottle of liquor? Obviously, this wasn't going to work as a family theme. . . but it could work as a couples theme. . . )
Amy was thirsty.
Just in case the previous pictures are too small to see, you wouldn't want to miss this part of Amy. . .
(I am normally sporting a non-hockey-player-like smile. Not tonight. . . )
We arrived at the party and most children were afraid of Amy. Who wouldn't be afraid of a beehive wearing British talking girl wearing crazy borrowed shoes that made her about 6'4"? Who could really blame them?
After getting a bite to eat and sampling some "witches brew," some people decided that it was time for an Amy Winehouse intervention…
Amy was grateful for the entire sack of coffee. She wasn't really expecting Juan Valdez to sober her up, but he was there too. He is a super good dancer as is his coffee. You'll also notice Amy's close encounter with the grim reaper. He was scary dude, and the point really hit home for Amy. . .
She quickly discovered religion.
And then she found a good dentist.
The End.
Be Careful What You Sign Up For
Filed under: Board of Directors, Things that get my gi all in a bunch
Even though last year, I wanted to win in the election to be a member of the board at our local country club (which is more like a swimming club with a clubhouse), sometimes my three year term there feels like a life sentence. I go through these periods where I'm super hopeful and happy about things. I see changes happening and I feel like I've been part of making them happen. I have volunteered hours, days, and weeks of my life over there, doing everything from boring data entry, to decorating for Christmas, to renovating a sports bar with the help of only a handful of other people.
It is a thankless job; however, that's probably the wrong word for it. If it was a "job," I'd be getting paid. I don't. In fact, board members don't even get a free or reduced membership.
I once heard an interesting statistic. If someone likes something about your business, they are likely to tell no one or one other person at best. However, if they are unhappy, they are likely to tell 19 people, on average. And let me just put it right out there when I say that where I live, the negativity runs strong.
I spend the days leading up to board meetings feeling sick in my stomach. Our annual membership meeting is coming up in just a few weeks and if last year's was any indication, it's sure to be a day that will probably have me chewing up Tums the way I'd like to be chewing up cheeseballs. Last year's meeting felt surreal. Certain older individuals showed up wearing suits and ties, their Sunday best; while younger men and women showed up in sweatpants, straight from their kid's soccer games or swim meets. The older people thought that was disgraceful and disrespectful. I thought it was insane. I kept waiting for the cameras from one of those crazy TV shows to pop out somewhere; but I've since realized this is just reality over at the club.
Sometimes I swear that the only reason I was elected onto the board is because I was going directly to a wedding reception immediately following the meeting. I was super dressed up. I swear that got me the swing votes, despite my lack of wrinkles and gray hair. I'm sure those people are regretting that now. You know, me, that crazy younger board member who tries to make decisions based on whether or not it's actually profitable.
What has been the most frustrating part though, is that despite being a volunteer and spending much of my free time working on things for the club, planning events or taking care of memberships, there are many members who don't realize or care that the club's Facebook page is run entirely by me. And "yes," I will happily delete your negative comments on that page because I've had it up to here (points to the moon). If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say it. I am doing my best and unfortunately, I, and the rest of the board members and employees, can't always make every member happy. It's not possible. They also don't realize or care that those who are putting together the monthly newsletter and trying to maintain the website are also volunteers, volunteers with families, jobs and lives. I should also say that there are a handful of members who do nothing but put positive things on that page, and for those people, I am extremely thankful and grateful.
While some members of the board (former and current) view a board seat as a prestigious thing to have, the truth is that board members are treated like 2nd class citizens. We can't enjoy a simple dinner with our family without someone stopping by the table to complain about something (no matter how ridiculous it might be). In fact, I used to spend a lot more time over at the club, but the dirty looks and negativity has made me choose home more often than not. Mr. BBM is irritated that he can't have a conversation with his wife without being interrupted and my kids think I work there.
A couple months ago, someone cautioned me against making decisions that might not get me re-elected when my three year term is up. I laughed out loud. This is one board member who won't be running for election again. In fact, I am literally counting the days until I'm free.
The Married Dating Woman
Yesterday, I was driving Sassy and her friend to preschool when I heard Sassy whisper to her friend, "My Mommy is dating someone else's husband." I nearly wrapped my car around a telephone pole.
I most certainly am not!
"What did you say?" I asked her.
"Nothing," she blurted out way too quickly.
"No, seriously, what did you say?" I asked her again.
"No seriously, nothing," she said.
And then her friend said, word for word, exactly what I thought Sassy had said.
"Sassy, why would you say that?" I asked her.
She said nothing. Until we pulled into the parking lot and were getting out of the car. That's when she quietly whispered the same thing to her friend again.
"Sassy Middle Name Last Name! Do not say things like that! They are certainly not true! Mommy doesn't 'date' anyone. I am married to your Daddy!"
She gave me a look like "Yeah right" and I contemplated NOT taking her into preschool. I don't exactly want her spreading this ridiculous nonsense around. Soon I'll be the preschool pariah mom, which is not exactly what I had in mind.
After I dropped her off, I called Mr. BBM and told him what Sassy had said.
"Did you ask her who you're dating?" he said laughing.
"No, I didn't even think of that. I was too shocked that she would even say something like that and more than once!"
A couple week ago, my Mom took Sassy out for donuts. It was during their breakfast that Sassy leaned across the table and said "You know, Mommy and Daddy broke up. They totally did." My Mom was completely shocked and then assured Sassy that was not the case. It didn't stop my Mom from telling me about it and asking me what was up later in the day. I mean people are doing these whole "undivorce" things. Anything is possible these days. I assured my Mom that Mr. BBM and I had not broken up and that Sassy probably overheard a conversation we were having a few days prior with Big I. She had asked if we had even broken up and we told her about the 24 hour period we had broken up one time in college, before Mr. BBM came crawling back to me (I like that part). She is the master of eavesdropping and misconstruing things.
So I picked Sassy up from school and got her buckled in and popped the question.
"So, Sassy, remember how you said Mommy is dating someone's husband?" I asked her.
"Yeah," she said, "you are" she added for emphasis.
"Well who do you think I'm dating?" I asked her.
I expected her to mention my neighbor. The two of us had taken our combined four kids out to eat one night when we were both single-parenting one night. We spent the night talking in half sentences thanks to multiple interruptions and trying not to step on the thousands of popcorn shrimp that made their way onto the floor. It wasn't exactly date worthy. Then again, we're both married and were in parenting survival mode, so I doubt that ever crossed either one of our minds. We are friends and we were hanging out, the same way I went to dinner and was hanging out with his wife and kids the week before.
So I was especially shocked when Sassy said, "You're dating that swim coach's husband. You know, Big I's coach, that older one? You're dating his husband."
He happens to be a straight, married man. I've spoken to him on exactly two occasions.
I called Mr. BBM and told him he better call a divorce lawyer. Clearly, I have issues. Serious, serious issues.
And I'm about to be the pariah of both the preschool AND the swim team. I now totally understand those sticky granola bar commercials where they're feeding the kids to keep them quiet. I need to get me some of those stat.
Where does she get this stuff?
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