December 11, 2007
Yellow Toes and Cold Floors
My friend Patrick had knee surgery one summer when I was in high school. The day of the surgery, another friend and I went to visit him. The smell of the hospital greeted us and I immediately got nervous. I hated hospitals, needles, blech. It all made me feel queasy.
We got to his room and Patrick was out cold. We quietly went into his room and stood beside his bed. He had an IV going into his arm, which made me think about the needle that went into his arm, which made me start feeling sick. I had never even had blood drawn at this time in my life, so the slightest thing bothered me.
In an effort to avoid looking at the IV, my eyes moved down his sleeping body to his leg. It was bandaged and under a thin sheet. A couple of his toes were sticking out the bottom of the sheet though, and they were yellow. I knew they were just yellow from the antiseptic they put on before surgery, but that bothered me. Yellow antiseptic made me think about what they did right after they put that stuff on and that made me even more sick.
I tried to concentrate on Patrick’s peaceful looking face, but my brain decided to override it and began controlling my eyes, making them look at the IV (NEEDLES!) and then the toes (YELLOW!), the IV (NEEDLES!), the toes (YELLOW!), the IV (NEEDLES!), the toes (YELLOW!). . .
The next thing I knew, my friend was asking me if I was feeling o.k. I didn’t realize it but I had broken out in a sweat and was feeling extremely hot. She told me I was very pale. Then she got very fuzzy looking, like a TV station that has gone out due to a storm.
My hands reached for the wall behind me, and I slowly slid all the way down until I was sitting on the floor; but that wasn’t good enough. So I slid down even further and flipped myself onto my stomach and put my cheek on the cold floor. It felt so good and I started feeling less dizzy.
Meanwhile, my friend was strongly encouraging me to get up off the floor, but all I could say back to her was, "Floor cold. Floor good." At that moment, a nurse walked into Patrick’s room to check on him and found me on the floor. "Oh my God!" she yelled and started yelling for some help, "We’ve got a girl down." My friend calmed the nurse down and told her that I was really o.k., that I just needed a cold floor. My friend peeled me off the floor and helped me up. I took one last fuzzy look at Patrick, IV, yellow toe, and my friend had me out the door.
When the fresh air greeted me outside, I instantly felt a lot better. I’m hoping that the two natural childbirths I’ve been through will help counteract those "fuzzy" feelings. Otherwise, I might just stay passed out until someone washes off what will probably be yellow toes.
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You’re too funny! If you can go through 2 natural childbirths, this will be a breeze! Do you have the date yet?
Hospitals certainly are nerve-wracking but try to think of them as places that ideally where we’re supposed to get better and the doctors are there to help you. I know you know this, but it might be helpful to repeat it in your mind on the day. 🙂
I had that EXACT reaction when I casually asked my doctor about a vasectomy and he very casually told me about all of the possible complications. In the interest of keeping your blog at a PG rating, I won’t detail the details of the conversation, but I had a full on anxiety reaction, just like yours.
My (bad) advice to you is to get a tattoo. Handling the anxiety of that will give you the confidence you need to easily conquer knee surgery! 😀
Heckuva story. There are things that make me queasy, although I can’t think of them right now. Even after seeing everything that I’ve seen, some things never change.
I managed to go 24yrs before ever having any kind of surgical procedure. Then I had my 3rd child and decided that was enough and I wanted a permanent birth control method. I was SURE it was what I wanted, but I had no much anxiety over knowing that someone was going to cut into me. I couldn’t handle it and ended up crying to the Drs. They gave me some wonderful drugs to calm me down so I could get through it.
Then 2 yrs ago, my oldest son had to have groin surgery. He was 10yrs old and at the point where he didn’t want to talk about that area with anyone, let alone his mother. He also inherited my surgery anxiety. I was forced to remain calm for his sake. I couldn’t have him feeding off my fears. The Drs gave him gas to put him to sleep before they gave him the IV because they knew how afraid of needles he was. They also inserted in it his foot so he wouldn’t see it when he woke up.
Breathe, relax, draw on your martial arts training to get you through this. You will be ok. You will be better than ok. You will come out of this with a fixed knee and be able to pursue all your goals.
Hmmm, I really don’t know why my name isn’t showing up under my comments anymore. That’s weird. I’m signed into Type pad and everything.
This is WaywardGoddess
Love!