Syndromes

April 4, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 18 Comments
Filed under: Tales from the dojo

There are stages of learning karate that go along with the various belt colors. It doesn’t matter what style of the martial arts you study. I think these "syndromes" are universal; and yes, I have suffered through all of the following symptoms.

White Belt Syndrome

After exactly one karate class, a white belt feels they will never move the way their instructor moves. They also simultaneously believe they can now kick anyone’s butt. It’s a dichotomy that makes perfect sense to the white belt.
White belts are eager to learn, and see the journey to black belt as one big "To Do" list. The only thing that matters is learning the next thing, preferably advanced things, as quickly as possible. The faster you learn, the cooler you feel.
White belts can’t understand why higher ranked belts forget kata’s. They will never forget a kata when they’re that high ranked. A white belt will remember everything.

Green Belt Syndrome

A green belt is so shocked and surprised to find color around their waist that they immediately begin to feel unworthy. Despite the unworthy feeling, they feel incredibly proud to finally be green. This is also a dichotomy that makes perfect sense to the green belt.
Because of this unworthy feeling, green belts feel that everything they do when in the presence of higher ranking belts completely sucks.
Due to the sense of pride a green belt feels, they feel that everything they do while in the presence of lower ranking belts is totally awesome.

Brown Belt Syndrome

A brown belt is so excited to finally be a brown belt. This excitement lasts for about one day before realizing that the next belt is a black one and OH MY GOD, I AM SO NOT READY FOR THAT! HOW WILL I EVER BE PREPARED IN TIME???? I NEED TO PREPARE NOW!!!
The "To Do" list from the white belt days becomes the "I need to do that again" list as they realize everything they have forgotten over the past few years of study.
The unworthy feeling is back because brown belts look at the black belts and think "I have so much more to learn and it can’t possibly be done in X amount of time."

Black Belt Syndrome (Of course I’ve only heard this exists and wouldn’t know from personal experience, although I hope to report back on this some day. . .)

Although incredibly proud to be a black belt, one feels unworthy even more so and realizes that only now are they really ready to learn karate.

When I look back to the beginning of my martial arts journey, it’s like looking back at old yearbooks and laughing at your former hairstyle and clothing choices. The way I kicked, punched, and performed kata’s makes me want to cringe. I never saw it when I was a white belt. I knew I wasn’t doing things exactly like my instructor, but I was surely doing them well enough. Shudder.

When you get to be a brown belt and have been in the dojo for several years, you watch people come and go. You see those who are going to excel; and you get pretty good at picking those who will lose interest or drop out for other reasons. Your training mates drop like flies around you and don’t come back.

But above all else, you begin to look inside yourself. I have always been very athletic and have participated in or have played just about every sport: street hockey, tennis, field hockey, softball, track, powder puff football, etc. I wasn’t the top athlete, but I did well enough. Playing sports has always come pretty naturally for me.

Lately I’m feeling like the "Brown Belt Syndrome" is more than just a syndrome. What if I’m not good enough to get my black belt? Do the teachers sometimes shake their heads at me the way I do with Big I when she ends up in a heap on the floor after a snap kick? Am I someone that the lower ranked belts can look up to? Do I have good technique, or am I just going through the motions the way I was as a white belt?

I was in awe of a group of green and brown belts who moved up together through the ranks when I was just starting. Do the new white belts have that feeling about me; or do they think I’m just a Mom who started too late and tries too hard? Would anyone tell me if they didn’t think I was good enough?

I’ve been writing on this blog for over a year now and have chronicled my journey in the martial arts from green belt until now. It seems that every few months I go through one of these cycles of martial arts depression complete with self-doubt and disgust. If history repeats itself, then hopefully I’ll climb out of this hole soon.

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Cracking

April 1, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 13 Comments
Filed under: Mental Strain for Mama

This is the time of year when people are typically cracking eggs; but I don’t like to be like everyone else. I’m a leader, not a follower, which is why I think I may have cracked a rib. Here’s a little quiz for you. . .

How did BBM potentially crack her rib?

A. Sparring with Mr. BBM

B. Working on bunkai (application) at the dojo

C. from a wrestling move from Lil C

D. by bending over and picking up a toy while sneezing

I know. It’s tempting to choose A right? Think of the posts that would follow, the back and foot rubs and cooked dinners that would result if Mr. BBM had indeed cracked or bruised my ribs. Oh, how I wish that were so. A gal can always use some pampering.

And then there’s working out at the dojo, which is also a tempting notion. Karate can be rough and it was only a matter of time before an injury would result, right? If that were the case, it would be a warrior injury. Unfortunately, a warrior I am not.

Then there’s C, as in Lil C. Lil C has found me to be very much like an animated playground these days. I have no doubt that she could crack or badly bruise a rib. It wouldn’t be hard for her to do so. She has often "attacked" me while I’m lying on my back and has no problem walking all over Mommy literally. But a Mommy injury it is not.

On Thursday morning, I was cleaning up Lil C’s room when I bent over at the waist to pick up a toy. In the process, I sneezed a ridiculous sneeze. When I stood up, I felt like someone had thrown a knife into my side. It hurt to take a deep breath, and I stood there, completely still for several minutes because the pain was so severe.

At first I thought it was heartburn, but after drinking a glass of baking soda and water and knowing that I am not pregnant, I quickly ruled this one out.

I then moved on to thinking I was having a heart attack. It’s entirely possible for a young woman to have a heart attack and the symptoms that I googled confirmed this belief. Mr. BBM was working from home that day and after his baking soda cocktail failed to provide relief, he was thinking my heart was failing me too. "Lift your arm up, do this, do that. Does your jaw hurt? Does your arm hurt?" he asked. He bombarded me with questions since he’s an avid googler himself. When I didn’t get worse, we ruled the heart attack out.

I moved on to cancer. That’s where everyone goes at some point when being plagued by odd symptoms, so I did as well. I ruled out cancer and was puzzled. What the heck was wrong with me?

When night rolled around, I was still hurting and I talked to my Mom who happens to be a nurse.

"I bet you cracked a rib," she said. She went on to say that tall, thin people are more prone to these types of injuries and that it’s not unheard of for someone to crack a rib from a sneeze or cough. My Mom, as much as I hate to admit this, is almost always right. I googled "cracked or broken rib" and there it was: more pain on the exhale than inhale, intolerable to be on back or side, pain increases drastically when laughing. . . uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.

So apparently there is nothing you can do for a cracked or broken rib. You just have to wait and let time heal the wound. I haven’t gone to the doctor and don’t think I will go, since I haven’t chosen a new doctor since this happened. If it gets worse, I’ll go. For now, I’m trying not to twist or laugh while sitting. Both are painful. And at night, I have to sleep on my right side or else I wake up in pain. Holding Lil C, especially on the left side has been uncomfortable. Fun.

I’m hoping I can continue to go to karate, avoiding sparring obviously. We’ll see how this week goes. I am hoping I only bruised a rib, not cracked it. I’ve read you can dislocate ribs too, and the popping/cracking sound I heard when bending and twisting at the grocery store says that maybe that’s the problem.

The biggest problem I’m having right now though, is slowing down and resting. After a weekend full of birthday parties, t-ball, a Team Mom meeting, and entertaining guests and two very cranky, tired children. . . I am exhausted. And we haven’t even started dying eggs in the BBM household yet. Here’s to a crack free rest of the week with some actual rest.