April 4, 2007
Syndromes
There are stages of learning karate that go along with the various belt colors. It doesn’t matter what style of the martial arts you study. I think these "syndromes" are universal; and yes, I have suffered through all of the following symptoms.
White Belt Syndrome
- After exactly one karate class, a white belt feels they will never move the way their instructor moves. They also simultaneously believe they can now kick anyone’s butt. It’s a dichotomy that makes perfect sense to the white belt.
- White belts are eager to learn, and see the journey to black belt as one big "To Do" list. The only thing that matters is learning the next thing, preferably advanced things, as quickly as possible. The faster you learn, the cooler you feel.
- White belts can’t understand why higher ranked belts forget kata’s. They will never forget a kata when they’re that high ranked. A white belt will remember everything.
Green Belt Syndrome
- A green belt is so shocked and surprised to find color around their waist that they immediately begin to feel unworthy. Despite the unworthy feeling, they feel incredibly proud to finally be green. This is also a dichotomy that makes perfect sense to the green belt.
- Because of this unworthy feeling, green belts feel that everything they do when in the presence of higher ranking belts completely sucks.
- Due to the sense of pride a green belt feels, they feel that everything they do while in the presence of lower ranking belts is totally awesome.
Brown Belt Syndrome
- A brown belt is so excited to finally be a brown belt. This excitement lasts for about one day before realizing that the next belt is a black one and OH MY GOD, I AM SO NOT READY FOR THAT! HOW WILL I EVER BE PREPARED IN TIME???? I NEED TO PREPARE NOW!!!
- The "To Do" list from the white belt days becomes the "I need to do that again" list as they realize everything they have forgotten over the past few years of study.
- The unworthy feeling is back because brown belts look at the black belts and think "I have so much more to learn and it can’t possibly be done in X amount of time."
Black Belt Syndrome (Of course I’ve only heard this exists and wouldn’t know from personal experience, although I hope to report back on this some day. . .)
- Although incredibly proud to be a black belt, one feels unworthy even more so and realizes that only now are they really ready to learn karate.
When I look back to the beginning of my martial arts journey, it’s like looking back at old yearbooks and laughing at your former hairstyle and clothing choices. The way I kicked, punched, and performed kata’s makes me want to cringe. I never saw it when I was a white belt. I knew I wasn’t doing things exactly like my instructor, but I was surely doing them well enough. Shudder.
When you get to be a brown belt and have been in the dojo for several years, you watch people come and go. You see those who are going to excel; and you get pretty good at picking those who will lose interest or drop out for other reasons. Your training mates drop like flies around you and don’t come back.
But above all else, you begin to look inside yourself. I have always been very athletic and have participated in or have played just about every sport: street hockey, tennis, field hockey, softball, track, powder puff football, etc. I wasn’t the top athlete, but I did well enough. Playing sports has always come pretty naturally for me.
Lately I’m feeling like the "Brown Belt Syndrome" is more than just a syndrome. What if I’m not good enough to get my black belt? Do the teachers sometimes shake their heads at me the way I do with Big I when she ends up in a heap on the floor after a snap kick? Am I someone that the lower ranked belts can look up to? Do I have good technique, or am I just going through the motions the way I was as a white belt?
I was in awe of a group of green and brown belts who moved up together through the ranks when I was just starting. Do the new white belts have that feeling about me; or do they think I’m just a Mom who started too late and tries too hard? Would anyone tell me if they didn’t think I was good enough?
I’ve been writing on this blog for over a year now and have chronicled my journey in the martial arts from green belt until now. It seems that every few months I go through one of these cycles of martial arts depression complete with self-doubt and disgust. If history repeats itself, then hopefully I’ll climb out of this hole soon.
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I believe everybody can benefit from martial arts. If a 65 year old or someone in a wheelchair wanted to tie on a white belt and start learning, I hope they would not be told they were not good enough. Yes, they would have huge obstacles, and the wheelchair person would only be able to do upper body techniques, but they would benefit from the training if they gave it their best. BBM, I’m sure that there are people with more skill and less skill than you have. But I doubt anybody who reads your blog could say that you don’t spend enough time practicing! Kata are tricky. If you forget one, don’t worry–you’ll remember it the next time!
That cycle of pride and disgust is quite normal and healthy. As you progress, you notice things you were doing wrong and never thought about.
Also, it’s always good to question yourself time to time and not rest on your laurels. Don’t let this get you down. We are all in the perpetual process of improving ourself.
And if you need to reassure yourself about your worth, remember the first time you started karate, and compare it with all the thing, moves, katas, etc… you now take for granted. I’m sure you’ve improved a lot (or you wouldn’t have that brown belt, would you?)
Question yourself, but trust yourself too
(It’s a dichotomy that makes perfect sense to me) 😉
dear bbm,
let me redirect you to this informative post :
http://isshindo.blogspot.com/2007/04/on-training.html
ups, downs, etc. They’re part of every training cycle. While training regularily with the class, I put so much pressure on myself, it’s incredible.
Realizing that if there’s a global crisis in the world, people are NOT gonna call all the world’s black belts is the first step.
From now on, my training in karate will be much much less goal oriented.
The pressure we put upon ourselves is incredible. Relax, breathe in, do your thing. Who cares who thinks what? When your instructor feels you’re ready, you’ll get called for a test. Got the competence? You’ll pass. Still need to practice? You’ll fail. And now, think about it a bit… if you fail, just what does it change? Except bruising the ego… .. .. .. hmm. not much, huh?
as for this :”or do they think I’m just a Mom who started too late and tries too hard?”
Moms are so sexy..
You are worthy. This is just a momentary lull. It will pass. In my brief time practicing TKD, I went through the same cycles, except I never thought that I could kick anyone’s ass. Living with a second dan has that effect. Not only will this pass, you’re going to be a wonderful black belt.
I’m going to sum this up in a few words…the excellent insights you post demonstrates how worthy you are to be a black belt – you understand
I think everyone here has said something along the lines of what I was going to say. I actually know the Songahm Women’s World Champion–for Physical Disabilities. She has CP, and does things in either her wheelchair or her walker. There’s another gal who’s about 22 who’s also wheelchair bound who is studying at my school right now, and she’s fierce (you may have seen the photos of me competing against her). We have a 10 belt system for our color belts, and I am SOOOO close to that black belt I can taste it. I’m ready for the challenge, as I’m getting bored with what I’m doing right now , as I’m at a point where I’m repeating things, but the expectations are higher. Having said that, the expectations are higher, so it’s getting tougher to do what I already know better. And remembering all my forms? Well, I don’t have to do that in order to pass my black belt test, but I do have to know it to get any certification for teaching, and I’ve already been in training for a year and I couldn’t tell you the forms either. (Hey, we are talking 9 forms that I have to know, after all! Plus 15 one-steps as well! I’m lucky I even remember any of the forms!) So, I understand that weird dichotomy of being ready and yet not ready at the same time. You aren’t alone in feeling like this!
(my) Black Belt Syndrome: …which idiot gave me the black belt? Seriously? Somebody wasn’t watching!
I often lull in and out of depression regarding karate, too. You’ll notice this when I don’t show up for classes or talk about quitting again. >_>
I can just imagine all the instructors shaking their heads after I leave, muttering a thanks to God that they survived yet another night of my crapiness. I even imagine that they’re quite relieved that I’m now in college and don’t have to deal with me most of the year. Of course, I suspect this is all just in my head, but I’ve still got that nagging feeling biting at me.
Don’t worry about feeling like you’re not good enough. You’re doing great! We’ll have matching gi’s before long. 😀
That is so true! I felt that same way at all those levels!
Great article – you had me laughing my head off, and at the same time there’s a lot of wisdom and truth in what you’re saying.
Everyone who aspires to black belt goes through these phases you’re talking about. Remember, in the eyes of a master instructor, a shodan is still a beginner. (btw, what in the heck is powder puff football?)
Don’t forget about instructor syndrome. It goes like this –
“Who the heck am I to be teaching anybody anything about karate!?”
Also we’ll have to have our annual meeting where we scoff angrily at blackbeltchic, shake our heads at her, and sometimes wave our fists in the air as she leaves the dojo! hahaha.
I remember those – except for the black, obviously. One of the interesting side effects of restarting at white in the same discipline is that this time around I’m a lot more detached from the whole rank thing. I’ve already been brown, so I seem to have cleared the white and green syndromes already and haven’t had to repeat. I do remember vividly that the first time ’round I felt like an imposter in a colored belt. Like somebody was going to wander in, watch me work, and rip the belt off. “She doesn’t know anything!” This time around I’m much more comfortable in my ranks – though whether this will last through my next promotion (back to brown), is anybody’s guess.
I would like to just add a few comments from being the owner of the Dojo that BBM attends and I am currently a 5th degree blackbelt. I love this blog and find the comments inspirational. It makes me feel like there is still hope for future blackbelts. I find the BBM’s perspective to be right on target – to be so honest with yourself to realize that you have a lot more to learn. I also like – because I do it myself – for someone to feel like they are not deserving. All the time when I teach I still watch myself to be sure my techniques are ok. As far as BBM goes I can honestly say that she deserved all the ranks she received. She is a good student and one that a high rank can look at and have the feeling and confidence that she will be a great role model for others because she has the right attitude. I enjoy this blog and have a high level of respect for the people that leave messages.
This reminds me of the Zen Story about the monk who found enlightenment. When it was announced to the group, a fellow monk approached him asked “tell me brother, how do you feel now that you have reached enlightenment?” “Miserable” replied the monk.
There are always ups and downs, as one of my instructors used to say “if it was easy, everyone would do it.” BBM you are not everyone.
You are realizing that you will never get “there” – which is exactly the point. The joy must be in the process, enjoy the milestones along the way (like brown belt, black belt etc)and take comfort in knowing the journey never really ends, it just changes directions.
Keep up the good work! =:-)
Gordon
Great post BBM. As a student of Taekwondo who’s about “half way there” I can fully sympathise with both White and Green belt syndromes, but am not yet at the Brown. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog from afar, and am sure, as many of the other commenters have attested, that when you do reach your “enlightenment” you won’t be miserable but incredibly proud! Keep up the good work.
You are so spot on with this post! I vividly recall all the feelings and thoughts you write about. I can especially relate to the brown belt syndrome. When my sensei announced I would be testing, I yelled, “NO! I’m not ready!” right out in class. The next few months were frantic rushing to learn everything that I already knew. Then when I finally did make black belt, I realized how little I truly knew.
I still like the post you wrote about wearing your uniform and yellow belt to pick up a pizza (or something like that). I know, I often think that when I walked into RDMA, the instructor (now master) must have said to himself “I gotta make a black belt outta HER?!” At one point, I knew I was improving when even my mom (the untrained eye) saw the difference between me at red belt and black belt (we have 9 belts, red is just prior to black). We have often been reminded in class that the higher in rank we get the more humble we need to be.
Your post is spot on with regards to behavior and attitudes of varying ranked students. I will also be testing soon and feel the exact same way you do, depressed and full of self doubt, but I guess all you can do is work to get out of it. All you can do is your best 🙂
I started in TKD and have done Kick-Boxing, Fung Fu, Jitsu and now I am practicing Wu-Shu once a week while training several times a week with others outside a structured class. I am very proud of the first belt I received while in TKD but now feel that testing for my first belt in Wu Shu will be almost meaningless (just expensive) since it will not pose the same challenge. I am no longer training to receive a belt, rather training to improve myself as a martial artist.