September 13, 2007

No No NOO-NOO!

I very well may lose your respect in my first paragraph, but I have to say it. . . I like the Teletubbies. I know they’re odd. They have ridiculous names (Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa, and Po); they have television screens for bellies, and they talk weird. I get it, but my girls just adore them (and so do I). Shh, don’t tell ANYONE!

A few short week ago, Lil C was terrified of the vacuum cleaner. In a split level home with six levels to be vacuumed, this is a serious problem. I was practically throwing my back out every time I had to run the vacuum because Lil C took up prime real estate on my hip for the duration.

Then one day, I had a brilliant idea.

"Lil C" I said, "our vacuum is just like the Teletubbies Noo-Noo!" We watched a couple episodes on Tivo where the happy little Noo-Noo gladly followed around the Teletubbies and cleaned up their tubby custard spills and their tubby toast crumbs. I took her over to our vacuum and told her, "This is our Noo-Noo. See, Noo-Noo’s are nice. They don’t want to vacuum up little girls or toys, just dirt. They like to clean up dirt."

"Noo-Noo," she said smiling. It was totally working.

I sat her on the sofa with her posse of stuffed animals and told her I was going to turn the Noo-Noo on. She looked nervous; but instead of screaming like she had in the past, she squeezed Elmo a little tighter and just sat there watching the "Noo-Noo" do its thing. It was a total and complete success.

"Noo-Noo cleanin’ up," she’d say. "Noo-Noo no like toyses," she’d repeat like a mantra. I had successfully eased her fear of the dreaded vacuum. And then today happened.

We were watching an afternoon episode of the Teletubbies when something crazy happened. The Noo-Noo, always a perfectly behaved little vacuum cleaner, completely and totally lost it. Instead of cleaning up tubby custard, the Noo-Noo literally ate Laa Laa’s ball.

"OH NO!" Lil C yelled, looking at me like she’d just had the shock of the century. Then the Noo-Noo proceeded to eat Dipsy’s hat.

"What HAP END? Oh NOOOO!" she yelled louder.

"Oh NO, Pack back!" she screamed in anticipation of the Noo-Noo eating Tinky Winky’s bag for dessert, and that’s exactly what the Noo-Noo did.

She walked around the living room like her entire world had just crumbled around her. "It’s o.k." I said, "The Noo-Noo is just being silly. Silly Noo-Noo." But the show ended and there was no vacuum regurgitation or bag changing that I saw.

In an attempt to end the Teletubby experience with a good memory, I quickly found an episode on our DVR and fast forwarded to the Noo-Noo part. To my shock and horror (and to Lil C’s as well), the Noo-Noo approached each sleeping Teletubby and sucked their blankets right off of their colorful rotund bodies.

Lil C spent the rest of the day telling me "Oh NO Noo-Noo! Noo-Noo eat blanket. Noo-Noo eat ball. Noo-Noo Dipsy’s hat! Oh NO NOO-NOO! What HAP END?"

I really need to vacuum tomorrow and I have a feeling we’re going back to the drawing board. Thanks a LOT Noo-Noo!