The Trouble with Getting Involved
Filed under: Mental Strain for Mama, Things that get my gi all in a bunch
In my Composition class last semester, we spent a couple weeks debating and writing position papers about issues. Some of them were touchy. Students were asked to read two essays each featuring an opposing viewpoint. Then, they were divided up into groups. Depending on how students felt about the issue, some students were forced to take a look at and create arguments to support something they felt the opposite about. It was a great exercise in critical thinking skills and students learned that the best way to make their argument stronger was to study the opposition.
One of the issues that the students wanted to tackle was altruism. Do people help other people out of the goodness of their hearts or do they do it for selfish reasons, to feel good about themselves for helping someone else?
This was the hottest debate of all the issues in class. I had several EMTs in the class and they were extremely vocal about their own personal experiences. They didn't do what they do, sometimes putting themselves in sticky situations, for themselves. They did it to help others. A selfless act. Period.
To introduce this issue, I told the students a personal story that I'd like to share with you too.
When I was a freshman in college, a scary thing happened on campus one day. I was returning to my dorm at the University of Pittsburgh and I noticed a large crowd of people standing around the lobby and the entrance to the cafeteria. In order to get to my dorm, I had to walk through the crowd of people. I figured it was just an exciting menu that day (as if that was possible), but I was very wrong.
When I got closer to the crowd, I realized that the people were gathered around a fight. There were at least 50 people standing in a circle around the fight, maybe more. I got a good look at what was going on inside the circle and it wasn't pretty. A group of guys, who clearly didn't belong on campus, and who definitely were not students at Pitt were beating the living daylights out of a freshman student. There were three guys beating up this one kid and he was not looking good.
He staggered around barely able to stand. Blood was coming out of his nose and mouth. His eyes were already swollen. His face had been beaten to a pulp. I don't know what happened before I got there, but the three guys doing the damage were taking their time with it, enjoying this kids inability to do anything but stagger around, and enjoying every drop of blood that was landing on the floor. The kid clearly needed help.
I quickly scanned the circle. I noticed some of my friends, big guys, who were standing there watching. No one was enjoying what was happening, with the exception of the three guys delivering the beating, but no one was doing anything to help.
I didn't make a conscious decision to do what I did. I just did what my body made me do. Before I knew it, I was charging into the middle of the circle, grabbing the kids arm, pulling it around my shoulder as he could barely walk, and quickly removing him from the circle. I walked him out of the circle as the group of people parted. I remember the three guys saying something, but I shot them a look and kept moving. I just had to keep moving. . . quickly. I remember screaming for people to get out of my way and looking at them incredulously. How could someone stand there and watch someone be beaten like that?
I made my way to the office where they kept the vacuum cleaners. I knew that door locked. I yelled at the woman who was working there at the window that day to "Open the door NOW!". She buzzed me in and I got the kid in the office and behind a locked door.
Moments later, the campus police and the Pittsburgh City Police arrived and began chasing the guys who were beating the kid up. A few moments after that, the ambulance arrived. They strapped that kid onto a stretcher. He didn't even know where he was as they wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance.
When it was all over, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. It had been terrifying, but none of that hit me until after it was over. I told the campus police what I had witnessed and then found my friends.
None of them could believe I had just walked into that circle and grabbed the kid. Personally, I couldn't believe I was the only person who did walk into that circle! When someone is in trouble, I was raised to help them. I heard it through the campus gossip that the kid spent days in the hospital and had suffered a major concussion among other injuries. He had been targeted by a bunch of thugs for no apparent reason. A bunch of jerks decided to walk onto campus and find an easy target.
I used this example to bring up the issue of altruism. I let the students ask me questions about it. I had absolutely nothing to gain by walking into that circle, but what if I hadn't? I would be haunted by the fact that I didn't help. What if one more hit to the head would have done him in completely? What if I would have allowed that to happen instead of stepping in? Did they think I had done it out of the goodness of my heart or had I done it to feel good about myself?
I told them the answer was really neither. To decide to do something for someone whether out of the goodness of your heart or for selfish reasons takes thought. There was no thought in my actions. There was just action. I never thought about the possible consequences until much later. It was just the right thing to do, and it was a complete gut reaction. From the moment I realized what was happening until the moment I entered that circle, it was only seconds.
Why do I bring this up? The Nigel Haskell McDonald's thing has me really worked up.
When I stepped into that circle, bad things could have happened. Those thugs could have targeted me. I could have been hit. I took a major risk by walking into that circle, but here's the thing, I didn't consciously make that decision. I didn't decide to move into that circle and help the kid. I just did. I know that I did the right thing.
What if one of those guys had a gun or a knife? What then? What if I had been stabbed or shot? Would people be saying I'm stupid? That I escalated the situation? That I should have waited for the cops? I'm sure they would. But when it was happening there was no choice. There was someone who needed my help and I gave it.
I'm quite certain that Nigel Haskell reacted the same way, not logically and not thinking about the possible consequences, but rather, "this is wrong" and "I need to do something." Or maybe, like me entering that circle, there wasn't even a thought until it was all over. Maybe it was his gut that moved him to come to the woman's aid like my gut moved me to help that poor guy.
In instances like this, it's very easy for those who observe to pass judgement about how a person reacted. Hindsight though, is almost always 20/20. The heat of the moment isn't quite so simple and lucid.
Given that, what would you have done if you had witnessed what Nigel Haskell did? Would you have intervened? Called the police from your cell without intervening? Ignored it altogether? What would you have done if the man continued to hit the woman? Could you have stood by doing nothing? Would you have intervened then? What's the right thing to do in a situation like this for an ordinary citizen? What's the right thing to do from a martial arts perspective?
What would you have done given the situation as it was? What would you have done if the man had continued his beating on the woman? What then? I'm all ears. I think this is an important discussion for society and especially for martial artists.
Yet Another Reason to Boycott McDonald’s
If you've been a reader here for a while, then you know that I have a love/hate (mostly the latter) relationship with McDonald's. McDonald's used to be my Thursday savior. I used to pick up food for dinner on Thursday nights because there simply wasn't enough time to make dinner and get to karate on time. In recent months, I convinced Big I that eating McDonald's food before going to karate really made no sense at all. Karate is about being healthy and strong. McDonald's, despite their best marketing efforts, is not.
Tonight, I heard about this story. If you can't see this video, you can go here to view it. You can also go here to read more about it.
For those too lazy to click, a 21-year old McDonald's employee named Nigel Haskell was shot several times while on the job at McDonald's. McDonald's is denying his workers compensation because of the circumstances surrounding his being shot. Was he dealing drugs on the job? Joining a gang perhaps? No. While working his shift, a male customer got up and began an argument with a woman. He hit the woman in the face and Nigel, being a good samaritan, ran up to the jerk, a convicted felon and 1st class something-that-rhymes-with-glass, tackled him and dragged him out of the restaurant. He also stood at the door preventing the man from coming back inside. The man went to his car, returned with a gun and shot Nigel several times.
Nigel has had to undergo three abdominal surgeries. His medical bills top $300,000 and McDonald's says they won't pay because they say they explicitly tell their employees NOT to be hero's.
Take away the fact that they never give me my requested sauces. Include the fact that they frequently give me sprite instead of my ordered diet coke, and that I can't get a McTasty without cheese to save my life? I am so done with McDonald's.
What kind of world are we living in when we discourage good samaritan acts? What was he supposed to do? Stand there and let another man beat down a woman in the restaurant? Wait for the police while the guy kills her as others try to eat their french fries in peace. Or maybe we should all just turn our heads, allow a man to hit a woman, and maybe even drag her out the door to the car where a gun is waiting, so things can go from bad to worse.
We already live in a society where people are afraid to step up and help other people. Now this. McDonald's, you should be completely ashamed of yourselves and your stupid policies. I can guarantee you that the only nuggets my kids will be eating from now on will be coming from my freezer.
Won't you join me in boycotting the anti-good-samaritan restaurant? I would attempt to raise money for Nigel's medical bills here, but I am convinced that no judge will allow McDonald's to shirk their duties to their employee. Nigel Haskell is a hero who deserves to have his medical bills paid in full.
Was Nigel hurt while working at McDonald's, on their property?
Yes.
Case closed.
McStick your not-helping-people "policy" where the sun doesn't McShine McDonald's.
If you're going to read this, then you might as well go here and read this and then join in on the conversation.
Makes Me Cranky: On Plagiarism and Lacking Originality
Although most people who know me think I'm a nice person, many people would also tack on to that description that I can be cranky at times. Some of the things that make me cranky?
Disorganization
Late assignments
Constant mess (as in "Pick up your toys already!")
Piles of laundry thanks to multiple "wardrobe changes" within a day
Plagiarism
That last one is a big one. When I taught 9th grade many years ago, we did a month long poetry unit. I made it fun and accessible for the kids. The month long study of poetry culminated with a poetry portfolio that reflected a theme of their choosing. Students were to find poetry that fit the theme and also write their own.
I took home a stack of portfolios and was shocked to see that I had five different students who were guilty of plagiarism. Two were actually claiming to have written the exact same poem. They didn't know each other and were in separate classes. Another student wrote a poem so genius that I became suspicious. A simple google search told me what I needed to know. It was plagiarized, plain and simple. Students who were friends with these kids were including these poems in their portfolios and giving credit to their friends for writing them. It needed to be stopped. They needed to learn a lesson.
As my 6th period walked into class the day after I had collected the portfolios, they noticed two pieces of paper taped to the board. One was the original poem with the author's name, web address, etc. The other was the version turned into me by the student. I never saw someone's face turn that shade of red before. The day before, he had been a celebrity. Not so much anymore.
He made a public apology to the class, received an F on his portfolio and he also got sent to the principal for plagiarism. The other two students got the same treatment.
As a writer, plagiarism is something I just don't understand. I can understand carelessly forgetting a quotation mark or something. Stuff happens like that sometimes, not that it's ever happened to me though. I'm extremely careful like that. But flat out taking someone else's writing or ideas and saying its your own is just brazen and stupid.
The University where I teach has a strict policy on plagiarism and teachers have access to a wonderful website where you upload a paper and watch the results come in as to how much of it is plagiarized. I made my warning quite clear to my students and I haven't had a problem so far.
The internet is a different story.
I've heard stories about bloggers having their entire blog ripped off and republished somewhere else on the web under a different person's name. It's also not uncommon for people to take a blogger's RSS feed and republish it to their own site. To combat this, I set up google alerts. It's simple to do and every blogger who worries about having their content ripped off should take a few moments to set it up. Beyond the google alerts, and I swear even more effective than them, are you, my awesome readers.
I can count at least five different occasions where I've received an email from a reader, telling me that someone has stolen my photo, web design, or entire posts (There's currently some chick on the other side of the world ripping off my web design almost in its entirety. It's not a template honey. It's mine. Get your own!). I found out thanks to one of you.
As a writer, and as someone who spent months trying to figure out what to call my blog, I get really upset about this stuff. Beyond flat out stealing images and content, there's also SEO hijacking and that really irritates me too. I used to teach a blog writing course and I told my students that when creating their blog, they have to do the research. They have to put in the time to make sure they're choosing an original name that isn't stepping on anyone's toes.
Changing just one little part of a website title or design doesn't count as being original either. The way I see it, if you can't come up with something original on your own, then maybe writing online isn't for you. And, if you don't want to put in the time to make sure you're being original, then write in a private journal and save yourself the wrath of bloggers who work hard to create original content. Trust me when I say, we're willing to fight for it too.
Without filing a single piece of paper with the government, bloggers are protected by copyright and trademark laws. Don't believe me? Google it. And not doing the research is not an excuse. Even if you think you have an original name for a blog, it's irresponsible to not check out the competition and insure that you've come up with something that is uniquely yours.
Whenever another one of these things happens, I get very grumpy about it. I start thinking about removing my blog. I start thinking I should password protect it. After all, I started this site with the hopes that I could eventually use it to catapult myself into a book deal or at least a permanent writing gig somewhere. I've been writing a lot on the side lately and am getting more and more motivated to get that book rolling. Putting yourself out there though, means you're also putting out your content and your ideas and they're ripe for someone else to wrongfully claim.
The thing is though, I like blogging and putting my writing out there. I like the community and how I've found friends in the most unlikely of places through writing this blog. I don't want to shut it down or password protect it to protect my content. I shouldn't have to do that. Instead, people should just be smart and for a change, try being original.
I want to thank those of you who send me emails and act as the "Black Belt Mama" police. I know I've returned the favor for some of you out there over the past few years and I'll continue to do so.
They say that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but there is nothing "sincere" about ripping off someone else's ideas, photos or writing.
Nothing.
To Those Girls at the Gym (You Know Who You Are)
When I go to the gym, I throw on whatever is clean and comfortable and go. If I'm having a serious blemish problem, I'll cover it up, but I don't put on make-up to go to the gym (unless you count chapstick) and I don't go looking as if I'm going out to a club. When I'm there, my headphones are in my ears and I'm not talking to a soul. Maybe I'll say a few words to a trainer if they approach me first. Otherwise, leave me alone.
I have a set amount of time and I'm there to work out. I'm not there to socialize or make fun of people, not even the little old guys who wear the short tight gym shorts pulled up past their belly buttons. The way I see it, they're there to work out too and who am I to make fun of them for their workout attire? It's not a fashion show people. It's the gym.
Last night, I was the victim of teenage abuse. Several teenage girls wearing super short shorts and super tight shirts were standing around, I guess working their necks, seeing as how they were tossing their hair around endlessly. I never even would have noticed them if it wasn't for the fact that an entire posse of them were taking up residence on both of the slant boards and intensely watching me workout.
Since the free-weight area was pretty jammed up, I used a step aerobic step as my bench and sat down to do some shoulder exercises. I was totally into what I was doing, until I was rudely taken out of my element by staring, laughing and nasty catty looks from this group of wanna-be Hanna Montana's Paris Hilton's. I ignored them for as long as I possibly could, completely not understanding why I was being targeted by this little clan of hussies.
Then it occurred to me. I was wearing long pants and a long sleeve shirt, not a near bikini like they were. The one girl was particularly catty and snotty and started glaring at me in the mirror. She wanted me to look at her. At one point, I couldn't take it anymore and met her glare in the mirror with an obvious mocking of the way she was looking at me. I mouthed the word "what?" at her giving her all of her attitude back and then some. My look said, "You got a problem biotch? You want some of this Adidas clad lady?" I wanted to say, "You know, if you spent half the time you're spending glaring at me, actually working out, maybe your butt wouldn't be so flabby." I bit my tongue. She seemed surprised that I glared back at her and turned away uncomfortably. She tried to rally her group but I was imagining putting her into a wrist lock that would drop her to the floor and I think she felt it. She tossed her hair in another direction and then did a sit-up. Yes, one. When I was teaching high school, someone once bought me a pottery jar that says, "Ashes of obnoxious teenagers" and I now know it was made because of girls like her.
I also learned that it takes only one nasty glare from some stupid girl to take you right back to the feelings of Junior High all over again. Fun stuff. The difference is that in Junior High I would have left the area immediately, too afraid to meet their glares or let them know they were out of line.
When I was finished in that area, I went to find my friend and told her about the snotty girls and how I much prefer going to the gym in the morning when the seniors contingent is there. They're much nicer. Also, there are a ton of big built guys, some of them quite young, but you never get anything but a nice "hello" and smile from them. In fact, I have never seen a single guy in the gym ever making fun of anyone. They're like me; they're there to workout. Plain and simple. What the hell was that girls problem?
My friend laughed it off and said she doesn't let things like that bother her. You should know that nothing bothers this particular friend. She said, "she was probably jealous of your body." Right. I try not to let stuff bother me, man, how I wish it didn't, but I'm sensitive like that. Also, most teenagers I know tend to show a little respect. Out of all my students this semester, I only had one who ever gave me attitude. She dropped the class the first week when she realized it wasn't going to fly with me.
As much as I tried not to let this chick bother me last night, she did. I think she bothered me so much because she is exactly the kind of girl I want to shield my girls from. She's that catty, attitude laden you-know-what who puts out for guys, and gives girls a bad reputation. I don't want my girls to become her and I don't want anyone like her messing with them.
While driving home I had this fantasy about walking into the new semester next month and seeing her in my class. "Oh, you go to the gym don't you? Uh-huh, I know who you are." Far-fetched, I know, but it made me feel a little better.
I was talking to Mr. BBM about it last night and when I told him about my behavior back, I said, "How very martial arts of me." I know I should have just completely ignored her but unlike Brian Preston's one teacher in Me, Chi and Bruce Lee I think that sometimes people do need to make some waves. I think that girl deserved to know she was messing with the wrong person and that she shouldn't be messing with anyone just because they don't look like her, dress like her or act like her. Deep inside, I think she thought I was older and therefore an easy target. I don't want to be an easy target and I let her know that I'm not. Sometimes, people need to know their place and be called on it when they're doing something rude. Otherwise, how will she learn? I like to think that last night will stand out in her head, and that she'll think twice about doing the same thing to someone else.
She should also know that karma is a real bitch, and what goes around truly does come back around; and with the way she was acting it will come back around with the force of a slingshot. Fast forward 20 years to when some teenage girl decide to make fun of her for waltzing around the gym wearing hot pants with a non-hot butt. That's how I'm going to imagine things if I see her again. Hopefully I won't.
Karma, karma, karma, my new mantra for dealing with nasty teenagers. I should probably find that piece of pottery and carry it around as my water bottle at the gym too.
Frustrations Abound
I arrived at the gym this morning with an extra kid for KidZone. The cost is $3/day or you can pay by the month. I pay $7/month for Lil C and it's worth it. I put her in KidZone two-three times per week. With Christmas vacation coming up, I know I'll be needing Big I to go in there too. So I asked if I could just pay for one month (December) due to her Christmas vacation. I told them I'd also like to sign her up over the summer.
They told me that I have to pay first and last months and that the rate is now $10/month. That's just not fair. If I'm paying $7 for one kid, why should I have to pay $10 for another. I told them so.
I like going to my gym, but they are constantly trying to squeeze another dollar out of you. I told them that they have a ton of Mom's who are usually there on Monday's who weren't there today because their kids had off from school. I asked them if they realized that this was a service Mom's need and that they would be able to make good money off of it too. They don't seem to care.
Because I continued to complain, they told me I could put Big I in KidZone today for free. I dropped them off and headed out onto the floor. I ran into the guy I'd like to be my trainer. He knew I was irritated so I told him and another trainer what a bunch of crap that is that I can't pay for just one month, and that they won't give me the rate I already have for my first kid. They agreed.
Unfortunately we live in a world where people can't use their brains and think about something that would make sense for both company and customer. They get their little programs from corporate and they will not deviate. It's annoying and beyond frustrating.
Last week, I approached the trainer I like working out with (who usually just does the free session and then signs you up and ships you off to another less capable trainer). I asked him quietly if he does anything on the side. I told him I can't afford the rates at the gym but I'd like to do something with him. He seemed interested and said he would call me.
Today I talked to him about it again and he's interested. I'm hoping something works out with him. I'm also hoping I can find a good babysitter for December because I refuse to give the gym any more of my hard earned money.
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