This Movement Needs a Celebrity
As a suburban and blogging nobody, it's difficult to make companies like Dolce & Gabbana listen when I get upset. It occurred to me the other night that what this movement against violent advertising needs, is a celebrity spokesperson. Let's face it, people like me aren't exactly buying D&G items. People who read my blog probably aren't either. Celebrities do.
So how does a small-time blogger, Mom, and part-time instructor get the attention of a credible celebrity? How does one convince a celebrity to pick up the cause, get pissed off, and speak out against major fashion companies who objectify women and advertise shoes with images of gang rape?
Do celebrities care? Does anyone know one so we can ask?
This Woman is Ready to Start a Movement
I need to first make something very clear. I've never burned a bra (they cost too much money to do that and I need mine); and I've never gone more than like two days without shaving my arm-pits (and that was when I had ACL surgery and wasn't allowed to shower).
I took several women's studies classes when I was at the University of Pittsburgh. I had some great ones (mostly the literature ones), and I had some not-so-great ones.
One of the not-so-great ones was led by a total whack job woman who was further encouraged in her wackiness by a chorus of crazy female students. I hated the class and felt like it was this giant complain-o-rama about men. I also got berated on a daily basis by a group full of women students lacking basic hygiene skills who told me that because I did my hair and put on make-up, I was catering to men and making myself a sex object.
They considered me putting cherry chap-stick on, catering to men and becoming a sex object. Whatever. I skipped a lot of that class. Talking back to the girl who snorts insults at you while she very publicly sucks her thumb doesn't exactly feel fair in the grand scheme of things.
My Dad has always classified me as a "feminist" but he seriously has no idea how far off base he is in calling me a "feminist" considering some of my classmates in those classes.
I grew up swearing I would never have kids, and that I was going to be some high-powered lawyer and eat people alive who got in my way. I spent my college years in writing and communications classes. In one of my classes, I spent a semester researching how women were portrayed in advertising, particularly in men's magazines. I found ads for watches that featured a lifeless woman on the ground with a man's shadow standing above her. It was eye-opening and disturbing and I told anyone about it who would listen, but I wasn't exactly the type to swear off lipstick, burn my bra, and start rowdy protests. I'm not that kind of girl.
If you ask Mr. BBM about me and my "feminist ways," he'll tell you I'm a "true feminist," that I will fight for and speak up about women's issues, but that I won't be pigeon-holed into a liberal feminist agenda. Yes, I believe you can be a feminist and still be pro-life. I am.
I spent my years after college baffled at who I had become. Instead of going to law school, I got my Master's in Education. Instead of being the high-powered single girl, I got married at the age of 23. And then, after only working in the real world for two years, I got pregnant and left my career (where I was making more than my husband) to stay at home full time and raise my daughter.
Fast forward to present time, where I am now staying at home raising two daughters, and teaching at the university level. Today, I had three young women do their final speech on how women are portrayed in the media. It was a brilliant speech. They divided it into three sections: women in the 50's, women now, and the problems associated with the pressure society puts on women.
They talked about the typical 1950's housewife. They discussed Marilyn Monroe and then they moved into a visual showing the difference between models back then and models now. Some of the pictures were disturbing. When the speech was finished, it was followed by a Q & A session. After listening to these girls, rattling off statistics and facts and hearing them pour their hearts and souls into their presentations, I was shocked to hear some of the questions coming from the audience.
A lot of the guys felt like they were under attack, despite the fact that the girls said their speech was not to blame any individual person or group, but rather to bring attention to the way society portrays women in the media. Even some of the girls got worked up in the audience. "Well, don't these models have a choice to not be that thin? Well don't they have a choice to not have eating disorders?"
I was shocked.
The presenters hadn't done any blaming, only pointing out various facts and stats, and they were being eaten alive by an audience hungry to throw the blame back on them. I stepped in and redirected at times, but when all was said and done, I was sad and disappointed about it.
I've frequently heard women say that today's women don't care about women's issues the way women did 30 years ago. I obviously had a couple students concerned about it enough to create an entire presentation on it. But the opposition they were met with was downright shocking.
Is there no one out there who cares that high fashion ads are using women in violent ways to get their point across?
The above ad is for a shoe by the way, not gang rape, in case you weren't clear. Spain and Italy banned the ad saying it is no way was related to what they were trying to sell and that it was violent towards women.
And this one below? If you said shoes, and not stuffing some dead girl in the trunk of a car, well, then you would be right. You can read more about this ad here.
And then there's this one. Obviously advertising a man's suit. . .
Visit the site where I found this one for even more disturbing ads.
I think that we've become so used to seeing violence against people, and women in particular, that these images don't have the same kinds of effects that they used to have on people. And personally, I think that's a terrible shame.
As a Mom of two young girls who I don't want ever exposed to this kind of stuff, I think it's time that we started a little movement of our own. Companies who put out ads like this need to be contacted and told that their ads are disgusting, and that the public doesn't want to see stuff like this. It's simply not healthy.
To contact the US Dolce & Gabbana offices, you can write or phone here:
Dolce & Gabbana USA Inc.
148, Lafayette Street
New York, NY 10013
Tel.+1-212-750.0055
Loula is a company based in Melbourne, but you can email them at: Email: hello@loula.com.au.
To contact Duncan Quinn, you can write or call here:
8 Spring St.
NY, NY 10012
(212) 226-7030
According to a review I read online, the man himself actually mans the store quite often.
If you aren't bothered by these ads, or if you'd like to see more of what I'm talking about and what my young women in class were talking about today, then watch this:
There any many sites out there drawing attention to this kind of garbage and taking a stand against it. All one needs to do is google "violent ads women" and you'll find them no problem.
Will you join me in being outraged?
Will you join me in doing something about it?
The Fastest Way to Black Belt
One would think that this site is the definitive guide to getting the fastest black belt possible. My search stats certainly tell that story. There are a ton of people out there looking for this information. They also tell me about all the people looking for "black belt essays." Of course, it's unfair for me to assume they're looking to find a pre-written essay to turn in as their own; but being a teacher who has seen a lot of plagiarism, I can't help but go there when I see people searching for those words and landing on my site.
Unfortunately, people searching for "fast black belts" and "black belt essays" are going to come up short on this site. If there's one thing I can't tell you about, it's getting a black belt fast. There have been lots of delays in that area when it comes to me, so I can give those people some advice of what not to do in order to get their black belt faster.
First, don't get whiplash. Whiplash equals a two-three month delay in training, easily.
Second, don't tear your ACL. ACL tears equal a minimum of 6 months to 17 months in order to get back on the floor. And some people don't come back at all. Tearing one's ACL makes people contemplate changing their web site's name from "Black Belt Mama" to "1st Kyu Forever." In other words, it's not the route you should take if you're looking to get somewhere fast.
It always cracks me up when people inquire as to how long it takes to get a black belt. The answer is simply, it takes as long as it takes. There's no magic number of classes or years of training. If someone gives you a number (or a dollar amount), then you should probably run the other direction.
The truth is that the belt doesn't have any super powers, so there's really no reason to need one quickly. You don't suddenly learn to run across the tops of trees. You don't instantly know how to throw a ki ball at an approaching attacker, or your sister if she happens to be on your nerves. You don't instantly bring people to their knees when you utter the words, "I'm a black belt." Come to think of it, the people who wear those black belts don't have super powers either. Unless, of course, you consider all the blood, sweat and tears they've put into their training. The dedication it takes to be a good martial artist is a true "super power."
So if one is truly looking for the fastest way to black belt, then one can go to any martial arts supply store and buy one. Unfortunately, you don't need a license to purchase those belts; but I can't guarantee it will give you happiness, make you invincible, or give you any super powers. It's just a belt, and you can find a bogus one with a matching certificate on eBay within minutes. After all, it's the person's journey that makes all the difference, not the belt or its color (says the girl who's been a 1st kyu since May 2007).
Member Appreciation. . . Not
When I joined my gym back in October, I spent a good 10 hours negotiating a rate. I left a couple times, refused to return phone calls, and then finally signed a contract when it was what I wanted in the first place. It kind of felt like buying a car. . . for a gym membership. Ridiculous.
Yesterday was "Member Appreciation Day." One of the manager's approached me as I was starting my workout and asked me if I'd like to take advantage of their "special promotion" for members. I currently pay $34.99/month plus $7.00/month for the Kid Zone. I negotiated no initiaition fee on the sign-up. I didn't want to pay one to get a lower rate, because honestly, I didn't know how much I'd like the gym or how long I would truly last.
The promotion they were running yesterday was this: give my current membership to my husband and then pay $840.00 up front for three years. Basically, you pay for two years and they give you the third free. They also said they'd throw in a Kid Zone membership for my second child for free for one year. On the surface, it sounds good. My monthly rate would be cut from $34.99/month plus the $7/month for KidZone, down to about $22 spread out over those three years. After that, you're "grandfathered" in at $23/month.
It's a great deal if:
- You know you're not going to tire of the gym over the course of many years.
- You have $840 to put up for it right now.
- You're interested in giving a gym that kind of money, committing yourself for three years, and giving away any leverage you have when issues come up.
I considered it and thought it was initially a good plan; but Mr. BBM and I are currently looking for a new car. We'd also like to landscape and build a patio on our house. In addition, I really want to get Lil C to Disney World while she's still little. All of those things require cash, and so do the knee surgery bills that are still rolling in from January.
I'd like to make a couple suggestions to the gym for how to really, truly appreciate your members.
First, allow your members with children to bring an additional kid to Kid Zone for free (or at the very least, the same rate of your first child) over the summer months. This would make a lot of mom members happy; mom members talk (a lot). Word of mouth is good for business.
Second, give out free padlocks, workout towels or water bottles. It costs very little to do this, but people like getting free stuff. Why do you think there are so many review blogs out there? Plus, free towels or water bottles with the gym name on them is also good for business.
Third, when you say you're going to give us a free month when we sign up, make sure it shows up. How can I trust any deals you have when you're not honoring our original one?
Fourth, offer to give members a lower monthly rate, paid monthly instead of all up front, with a one year committment. One year committments are way less scary than a three year one.
Finally, don't act like Member Appreciation Day has anything to do with appreciating members. It's about sales, money and volume. You probably shouldn't leave your little check-off until bonus sheet right in the middle of your desk. Suddenly, I'm not an appreciated member; I'm just number 16 on your list. Ask any woman and she'll tell you that we don't ever like being tick marks on a sheet.
Rihanna as Role Model
When the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing happened a couple weeks ago, there's no denying that it bothered me. I happen to like the music of both artists. There were different viewpoints all over the place. On MTV.com, there were a ton of people blaming Rihanna for what happened. It was mostly young girls and it was deplorable. There were calls for Rihanna to leave Chris Brown. She even got a scolding from the almighty Oprah. Even martial arts bloggers picked up the issue and asked whether or not it was related to some MA training Chris Brown had as a kid. It was everywhere and I felt that everything had been said about it, but I don't feel that way anymore.
Yesterday, I read an interesting post on BlogHer about Nickolodeon refusing to remove Chris Brown from the Kids Choice awards ballot despite the fact that he had been charged with a felony and pretty much admitted everything. The post mentioned a petition that was circulating asking Nickolodeon to remove him and Rihanna from the ballot. In a little over a couple hours, the petition signatures had swelled to over 12,000. Nickolodeon refused to remove Brown from the ballot, but Chris Brown eventually (after asking all his MySpace followers to vote for him) withdrew his name from consideration. I was one of the people who signed the petition.
Do I think Rihanna did anything wrong? Do I think she should be punished for getting her face rearranged by her boyfriend?
Absolutely not, but Rihanna is no role model.
According to the American Institute on Domestic Violence, 5.3 million women are abused each year. 1,232 women are killed by an intimate partner. 85-95% of all domestic abuse victims are women. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. According to asafeplaceforhelp.org, Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered by her husband. 42% of murdered women are murdered by their intimate partner.
I learned this in a class in college, but nearly 90% of all women in prison for murder are there because they murdered an abusive intimate partner.
We all pay for domestic violence because health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceed $5.8 billion each year.
I am not naive about the impact that abuse has on the psyche of a woman. I know that this is a pattern and that many women have no way of leaving this pattern of abuse. Many women are trapped out of fear, but a lot more of them are trapped because of finances. They have nowhere to go and no money to get out.
This is not the case with Rihanna. She has the financial means to get away from him. She has body guards to protect and keep her safe. She has a family that supports her. She has a huge fan base that does too.
Yet she has chosen to stay.
I'm not blaming her for what has happened to her. I don't feel it is in any way, shape, or form her fault. Not if she threw Brown's keys out of the car, not if (like many rumor mills are saying) she gave him an STD. But that doesn't mean I have to allow her to be looked upon as a role model by my children. Is she what we aspire for our young daughters to be someday? Successful enough to support herself and then some, but choosing to stay with a man who beats her?
Not a role model.
We've probably all had a relationship at one time or another that was unhealthy. I stayed with a total jerk for a year and even went back to him years later because I thought what we had, despite all the problems we had, was love. I was very wrong.
I think it's important for girls to know the components of a healthy relationship. It's also important for them to know that what the heart may feel isn't necessarily the right thing.
Rihanna had a rare opportunity, being as famous as she is, to stand up and walk away from Brown. She had a story that could have saved girls for generations to come, from being trapped inside a bad relationship. Yet for now, she's choosing to stay in a national media spotlight as the complete opposite, and that earned both Brown and Rihanna another name on the petition.
Rihanna could have been a national spokesperson against domestic violence and she would have reached millions of young girls and boys with her powerful message. Instead, she's made herself the poster child for domestic violence and abuse, and I fear that the poster pictures of her in the future will only get worse.
I can't help but think that her song Rehab may have been reflecting her daily reality. At least her song lyrics send a different message than her choice to stay with Brown.
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