November 16, 2009

Bye Bye Bonsai

When Mr. BBM got me a small bonsai tree for Mother's Day a couple years ago, I had mixed feelings about it. Although a thoughtful gift for a martial artist and Karate Kid fan, I couldn't help but feel like I had one more thing I had to take care of. Taking care of everyone and everything all the time is exhausting.

I read the two pages of instructions, gave strict orders that no one touch it except for me and the bonsai and I became friends. Before long, it was thriving and I had to do some pruning. I did it with butterflies in my stomach, so afraid to hurt the thing, but it did fine and survived. I figured I had overestimated how sensitive it was, but I found out that I was wrong.

My bonsai has gone from being a thriving little plant to a nightmare. Leaves started falling off, first one by one, and then non-stop. I accused Mr. BBM of watering it, but he swore he didn't touch it. The bonsai only gets watered once a week. Last week, when it felt hopeless, I scoured the web for advice on bringing it back to its former grandeur.

So I went to work, carefully prying the plant from its pot so I could examine the roots. I cut back the ones that were no longer white, sat the soil on paper towels to let it soak up any excess moisture and then returned it to its pot with hopes that it would recover.

Today it dropped another grouping of leaves and it's looking more hopeless than ever.

I've lost plants before. Although I've definitely become more of a green thumb over the years, by self-teaching myself how to not blow all our landscaping investment, I know that I've had problems with indoor plants in the past. I even thought that maybe the bonsai didn't like my new little basil plant so I moved it away from the bonsai to give it some space.

Still, nothing has worked.

I've had no trouble tossing out plants in the past, but this one bothers me. Maybe it's because I'm seeing a parallel between it and me and my knee.

Despite surgery and careful care afterwards, my knee has been awful lately. It's bruised again and sore and I've been avoiding karate because my brace hurts where the bruising is and kneeling is next to impossible for me. Despite "surgery" and careful care of my plant, it's not thriving. It doesn't look nice or exotic anymore. It just looks sad, kind of like my knee.

I want my bonsai to survive and I want my knee to be completely healed, but wanting something and reality are often quite different. I'm frustrated with my bonsai tree, and I'm frustrated with my knee.

Right now, both are on a downward spiral that I'm not quite sure how to fix. And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's not having control over things that I want.