That’s How You Know
You know it's time to go off the Prednisone that has been making you beyond cranky when. . .
-You step on the scale and the only thing that comes to your mind is "Woah" followed by regret that you allowed your kids to talk you into buying the 3 ft. high container of cheese balls at the grocery store, which you ate in like two days time while your 3-year old pleadingly told you to "take it easy" and "leave some for me."
-You hear your 8-year old coughing all night long and the entire morning and you flash to the scene from "The Witches of Eastwick" in your head. You know, the one where the husband puts his wife out of misery and beats her with a fireplace poker thing? You contemplate putting her and yourself out of misery because if she coughs one more time, you will totally and completely lose it.
-Your husband walks around outside with you so you can explain your landscaping plans and when he turns his head for one second, you accuse him of not paying any attention to you ever and swear at him under your breath, except not really under your breath, as you come back inside and tell him you are so done with his attitude problem.
-You pack up earlier than you planned at the pool when the Banshee's mother arrives and fails to discipline her child AGAIN after her banshee hit some kid, and you know that you have to leave or else you might possibly take the banshee Mom and drown her in front of a pool full of onlooking Mom's and kids.
I warned my allergist that someone might die when he put me on Pred. Today is the last day. As long as no one pushes my buttons, people may survive my roid rage.
The Summer Serenade Contest is Here
You've been waiting all summer long and now it's time. We have two wonderful guys who entered the contest and one of them is going to win a gift certificate for $65 to spend how they choose.
Our first entry is from the always controversial but non-stop teddy bear, Adam of Avitable.com. If you can't view it here, go there to see it.
Our second entry is from the karaoke king himself, Karl of Second Hand Typtophan.
You Can Leave Your Hat On – Summer Serenade Contest from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.
Voting is open for one week and you must leave a comment with your vote for either Adam or Karl. Enjoy! And thanks to Adam and Karl for giving it a go!
A Boatload of Drugs and Death Threats
Yesterday I went to see my allergist. He walked in the room, said "hello" to me and Barry White said hello back. He knew I needed help.
He examined my popping ears, my blocked by the Great Wall of China sinuses, and my itchy throat and said I looked "very allergic." I assured him I've been taking all my meds and then some regularly. Pataday eye drops once a day, Patanase nasal spray twice a day, and half an Allegra because if I only take half I just get cranky. If I take a whole tablet, I get cranky and want to wrap my car around a tree.
He said he wasn't sure what the problem was, but when he checked my allergy testing results he nodded. It's late summer pollen time people and I'm living next to a weed filled lot. That can't be helping things.
He told me we'd hit this foggy head with everything possible and if I'm still miserable in a week, then my only other option is going to be allergy shots. He prescribed Prednisone, a Z-pak, Veramyst and told me to take Mucinex too. That's on top of my crank-inducing Allegra, Patanase and Pataday. I cracked up laughing when he said he was prescribing Prednisone. The last time I took that I was suffering from a serious case of poison ivy and Prednisone did not make for a pleasant me. I was irritable to the point that my family pretty much avoided me and I believe it was days before Mr. BBM even dared to enter the same room with me.
Combining Pred with Allegra? Someone is probably going to have to die. It's also likely I'll gain about 20 pounds. Here's hoping the extra weight opts for the chest area and leaves my butt alone.
He told me I should have Mr. BBM talk to me from behind a door for a couple days and that Mr. BBM should also mow the empty lot.
So I weed wacked half of it before all three of my batteries died, came inside, blew my nose 1000 times and it seems to me that the Great Wall of China is starting to crumble. I'm finally starting to be able to breathe a little bit.
Here's hoping the side effects from all these meds don't kill me (or make me kill someone else) first.
A Threat that Works
Yesterday I was going through a stack of papers on my counter and came across an envelope from U.S. District Court. Mr. BBM received a jury summons a couple weeks ago and he was supposed to fill it out and send it back within 10 days or else he would be deported or something.
I cautiously opened the envelope to find that he had yet to send it back. Fantastic.
So, before I left to take Big I to ju-jutsu I wrote him a note with a couple post-it's and a black Sharpie and left it on the middle of the kitchen island. The note said:
"Fill this out NOW before I'm a single Mom and you're trying to avoid picking up the soap in the community shower."
It's in the mail today.
754 Reasons To Hate Your Inbox
754.
The number of antihistamines I'm currently taking? Not quite.
The number of times I've told the girls to stop fighting? Close.
The number of times I've hit Mr. BBM with a knife hand and told him to roll over and stop snoring? Actually I believe this number is nearly 1000, so no.
754 is the number of spam emails I had this morning in my recruiting email inbox. Are you kidding me?
Here's what I don't get. How do these people make any money? Who does this for a living? Is their primary goal in life to waste people's time?
This morning I had emails saying I needed to update my bank accounts at three different banks where I don't even have accounts. Nice try schmucks.
I also had emails telling me I can improve my performance in bed and "rock her all night." Um, no thanks. People who have girl names generally don't need drugs to harden certain appendages and I'm definitely not looking to rock any "her."
Maybe it's the Allegra in me that's making me particularly cranky today, but I am so sick of this spam crap. And for the last time, I don't have any relatives who left me lottery winnings in Nigeria. Not buying it.
Today I have more important things to do than delete spam. I need to psych Lil C up to get a very much needed haircut. I need to quit procrastinating and finish my syllabus for my class that starts in just two weeks. I need to open my jaw really wide every five minutes or so to reestablish hearing capabilities in my left ear.
Take your penis products elsewhere people. Not interested.
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