July 23, 2009
Of Insults, Stripping, and Riding Escalators Like Buddy the Elf
I've been solo with the girls since Sunday while Mr. BBM has been on a business trip. Picking up his night time duties like bedtime and feeding the cats has thrown me for a real loop. The first night almost literally, as my cat decided to weave in and out of my legs as I was trying to put his food down and I nearly fell on my butt.
I decided the girls and I needed a change of scenery yesterday so we went out for lunch and then to the mall to cash in some Gymbucks. I should have known it was going to be an interesting day when Lil C whined for a good hour before we left.
However, we got to the restaurant and were having a nice meal. For a change, Lil C wasn't sitting directly on top of me and chose instead to sit on the opposite side of the booth with her sister. This was working out fine until a very overweight woman decided to leave the restaurant. Lil C's eyes locked on the back of the woman and I desperately tried to distract her. I knew what was coming; this wasn't the first time.
"Ooh, look, what's that outside? Is your lemonade good? What flavor is it? What did you color? What a pretty picture you drew there. . . "
And then she said something to the effect of, "Mommy, you are not big like her Mommy. Your butt is not big like that" as I pretty much sprawled across the table trying to physically close her mouth and over talk her so that the poor woman wouldn't hear.
I don't know why she felt the need to reassure me that my butt wasn't big. I mean, it was a nice thought; but clearly my 3-year old is lacking the filter.
Later we went to the mall and there was a woman making pancakes in the department store to demonstrate something they were selling. The girls both ate a pancake while we chatted with the woman. She looked to be only about in her 50's, but that didn't stop Lil C from saying "Yook at the nice yittle old yady. She's a nice yittle old yady Mommy." It was like she was a skipping record or something. I tried to make it seem like she was calling herself a "yittle old yady" and turn it around on her. But she became even more adamant about insuring this woman knew that Lil C thought she was both little and old.
I was horrified for the second time of the day, but the woman was so nice that she just kept talking to us. I was ready to leave but I wanted to check one more store for something.
We walked down the mall and I stopped to look at some sunglasses on the way. I was trying them on and asking the girls what they thought when Big I erupted in laughter. I turned around to see Lil C holding her dress up at her neck and shaking her butt. I instantly flashed back to the night we were taking care of our cats at my sister's house when our house was being built. There was Lil C spinning around a pole in the basement like a professional. Mr. BBM and I just shook our heads. I was having another one of those moments.
I quickly told her she wouldn't be wearing dresses anymore if she couldn't keep her clothes on while Big I whispered that she had also kind of pulled her underwear down a bit to reveal her little butt. Yeah, exactly what a Mom wants while standing at a kiosk in the mall.
We quickly moved to the final location and went up the escalator. On the way up, Big I asked me about whether or not it was possible to have the escalator suck your toes off. I told her "yes" and that she needed to step up and off quickly at the top and bottom. Apparently I scared her, because when we were finished upstairs and coming back down, I turned around to Big I's panicked yelling. There she was, sideways with one foot still on the stationary platform and the other slowly inching away from her as the escalator put her into a full on straddle.
I screamed for her to get her other foot on and she quickly dragged it on, but not before having the edge of the step scrape up the traveling leg. It reminded me of that scene from Elf, where Will Farrell rides the escalator for the first time.
I figured it was time to take my little insulting stripper and accident prone daughters home. This is why I don't shop that much.
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I see your youngun speaks the same language as my yittle 4-year old son, Quinzilla. Perhaps we should arrange a marriage for Quin and your yittle yady.
I’m still trying to figure out why kids don’t come with a mute button.
My son once asked me what was “that thing” (a huge mole) on the dental hygenist’s face while she standing right next to me.
Ugh.
IF you teach your children about other people’s feelings and about being polite -> you wouldn’t have to worry about hurting another’s feelings!
Rude children can’t be blamed for things their rude parents did not teach them!
The problem with this comment is that children are not robots. Children are creative and illogical thinkers. They also don’t know at age THREE what is hurtful. Lil C’s statement was merely a statement of fact. The one woman’s butt was bigger than BBM’s…the pancake lady was old (to a three year old-heck even to a teenager!). Lil C is not a rude child…she’s just a child.
Wow! Obviously someone doesnt have a child. Feel free to read my about page-last line.
Thank you. You said it much more eloquently than I could have after spending all afternoon with the Kirby vacuum people.
And while youre at it, why dont you sign in as who you really are Just me aka Pooba? At least when I say something, I put my name on it.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Ah, let me imagine that for a moment.
This reminds me of the time my son told me that he was going to call one of his grandma’s “fat gram” because she was fat… When I informed him that he was going to do not such thing, he calmly looked and me and said, “But it’s the truth”.
I have so many memories of embarrassing moments at the store thanks to the toddlers lack of filtering software…. He used to sit in the cart in the grocery store and say “Hi daddy” to every man he saw. That was really interesting and disturbing on some level.
Yes, its all very matter of fact when they say stuff isnt it? Its like, Well its the truth so Im gonna just say it.
I’m sure it is easy to say this not having kids. But the honesty of children (so long as it isn’t directed towards my butt) is refreshing. At least it proves the honesty is the default setting before the world screws you up.
Hear! Hear!!
You said it perfectly!!
My nine year old will still tell me from time to time that I’m “fat”, but then he tempers it by saying, “It’s P-h-a-t, Mommy, not F-a-t!!” He does know that being told I’m overweight hurts my feelings and he tries to temper it, but I don’t expect that a three year old is going to know how to do that at her age!!
We’re not out to train our kids to be ugly…People need to realize that as parents, we do the best we can, but unless we totally squish their spirits, our children will do and say things others will construe as rude or hurtful.
Youre a wise man. I couldnt agree more.
Exactly. It wasn’t said in a malicious way, just as a statement of fact. Most people who know my kids well would say they’re some of the most well behaved children they know.
I’m waiting for the first time Big I jujitsu rolls somebody out of nowhere. That’s gonna be great.