April 15, 2009
Make Me Invisible Before My 3-year old Gets Us Both Killed
I don't remember Big I ever having embarrassed me the way that Lil C does on a near daily basis. It's getting to the point where public outings are a big risk. I recall one time when Big I said something that made me want to disappear instantly. She commented about a very heavy woman and asked me why she was so fat? I gave her a look and later we discussed that it's not polite to say things like that. That was the very last time she said anything.
Lil C frequently calls people out. One time we were at the hair salon and Big I was getting her hair cut. An older man was putting his coat on by the door and about to leave. He had obviously just had his hair cut. He was smiling at her and saying "hi" when she turned to me and said, "That man has funny hair. Why is his hair so funny mommy?" Needless to say, he went out the door quickly and I was never so happy to see someone leave.
I told Lil C that it's not nice to say things like that and that it can hurt people's feelings. Her comment back to me? "Well his hair was funny though!" almost like "Well, with silly hair like that you're asking for it."
A couple weeks ago, in a clothing store, Lil C told me to "Yook at that yittle old yady. Yook at her Mommy. She's a yittle old yady." She would not stop! I wanted to run out of the store. The lady was indeed old and little, but she wasn't taking too kindly to being called "yittle" and "old." Thank goodness looks don't kill.
Yesterday, we went to the grocery store. The first incident occurred back by the deli. An older woman was looking at the cheeses and Lil C yelled out loudly to her, "What are YOU DOING YADY?" (In case you haven't figured it out yet, "L's are in fact "Y's" in Lil C's world. The woman swung around quickly and I apologized with a "Sorry, she's three." The woman laughed and told me about her grandchildren while Lil C smiled devilishly at her.
The next encounter didn't go quite as smoothly.
Lil C was helping me load the groceries onto the checkout belt when a man pulled into the checkout lane behind us. He was an older black man and he had dreadlocks that just passed his shoulders. He also had a bit of a beard. Always looking for interaction ways to embarrass me, Lil C noticed there was someone behind us so she turned around to see who was there.
Sensing there was definitely going to be some commentary, I tried to get her attention back to the front, but it wasn't happening. She stared at him for a little while and then asked him, in a crystal clear voice, "Are you a girl or a boy?" I wanted to die, right then and there.
I didn't allow him to answer. "Lil C, that is a boy. Sometimes boys have longer hair and that's perfectly ok. Ethan's daddy has long hair. . . " I grasped to find the names of men who have long hair. "Mr. Matt has hair that's a little longer. . . " She stared at me with an irritated look. She had obviously wanted the dread-locked man to answer her question. She finished listening to me and turned back around at the man who was temporarily smiling a bit to himself and said, "Well he looks like a girl with that yong hair." Needless to say, the man stopped smiling and I wanted to disappear on the spot.
In many ways, Lil C reminds me of my grandmother. My grandmother is the type of gal who puts it all out there. She is 92 years old and she's never been afraid of speaking her mind. Once, when I was younger, we were walking into the mall and there was a girl walking in front of us whose butt was hanging out of her jeans (from rips-not the style,as is now). My grandmother pointed at her and exclaimed, "Well, look at that! Her entire a$$ is hanging out of her jeans! Look at that! What is WRONG with her?"
I remember my Mom being horrified, but I actually thought it was kind of funny at the time. I thought there was something seriously wrong with her too. Lil C definitely has a streak of my grandmother in her, which is probably why she cracks my grandmother up so very easily.
The next time I go to the grocery store, I think I'm going to bring some of those chewy granola bars along to shove in her mouth whenever necessary. And if someone could tell me where to buy an internal filter for a 3-year old, I would really appreciate it.
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That’s always hilarious with a little kid has no filter. I can’t imagine anybody is actually offended or embarrassed, though. Maybe next time you should let the person answer the question? I’ve seen other parents do that and that seems to work well.
My biggest concern was that he wasn’t going to answer fast enough and then she would get louder and be all like, “I SAID, are you a GIRL or a BOY?” I wanted to try to do some damage control. 😉
BBM
Why is it always the grocery store? When I was little, the person in front of us was taking too long choosing their items, and I loudly exclaimed “Beep Beep! Get outta da way!” My mom about died. 🙂
Let’s see… how about, “WHAT IS THAT THING ON HER FACE, MOM?” (It was a HUGE mole).
I feel ya. I can’t help you, but I feel you.
Oh my God! That’s hysterical!
BBM
I’m cringing for you… so embarrassing but funny at the same time!
Bwahaha! So sorry…I *have* to laugh. This was life with my oldest. I generally don’t mind (and think it’s funny) but once, we went into a McDonalds where the cashier was black. My daughter- who KNEW people with different colors of skin, eye shapes, you name it- asked *extremely loudly* “WHY IS DAT MAN’S SKIN BLACK, MOMMY?” with this look of utter confusion. My face went red as I explained- loudly, so he’d hear me- that 1) his skin was BROWN not BLACK, 2) Daddy’s good friend from work had the VERY SAME SKIN, why didn’t she ask HIM? and 3) something called ‘melanin’ caused people’s skin to be different shades from white to very dark brown.
Ugh. I wanted the earth to swallow me up, because I certainly didn’t wany ANYone to think that my child had never seen someone with different colored skin before!
All that to say yup…been there…done that…and now I can think it’s funny, although I’m sure my others will embarass me, too. I figure that the teen years will be extra fun now, mwhaha!
God, these are funny – yours and the comments. I never thought about the things little kids say, but gosh, they seem embarrassing – and hilarious stories to tell later! I’m never been asked anything like that, and I don’t remember asking anything like that, but it makes sense – kids don’t have that brain-mouth filter we do. I think it cuts on about, er, 25. I’m still waiting for mine.
Course, my family loves to tell the story of me meeting my Oma for the first time, right after we moved back to Germany – I’m 3, speak no German and she speaks no English. She, as is her way, shoves sweets down us kids’ throats. After I eat my cake she leans over me and says (in German) – Would the girl like more cake? My dad says – no, no, she’s fine – and I burst into sobs.
I got more cake, obviously. Crossing the language barrier, that one. Haha.
My dad said he wanted to laugh or make me disappear – what could he say, even though now HE’D have to deal with a sugar-hyped three year old who psychically knows what people are asking. I have/had a way of worming my way into people’s hearts. Haha.
And I think I did, in the grocery store of course, standing behind a woman who’d just let rip a big one, turn to my mom (I was four or five) and ask – mommy, where do FARTS come from? My mom mimics that all the time. I forgot. I think I’d started to appropriate a southern accent from my friends which made it all the funnier.
Hopefully Lil’ C doesn’t continue embarrassing you for long!
Remember when it was fashionable for young women to wear leg warmers? An ex co worker and his wife were at the mall, and she made him come into the store while she tried on a few things.
So he’s standing there, and out of another dressing rooms comes a large woman in a brown spandex-ish outfit with white leg warmers. She says to her friend, “How do I look?”
You know how sometimes you’re thinking something and somehow you say it? That happened to him.
He said, “Like a Clydesdale.”
Then he realized that he actually SAID that, turned around, and left the store.
Goodness!
As a father of 1-year-old twins, I’m dreading having these types of incidents myself.
Hey, if you find that filter, lemme know what they have for Tweens–I could use one for MY daughter!
hahaha
Mr. Matt does have longer hair….
You will definitely be able to empathize with my parents, though. When I was 3 or 4, my parents took me to Daytona Bike Week in Florida for a vacation. As you can imagine, there are a lot of interesting-looking folks walking around. So, we’re in McDonald’s for lunch, and I stood up in my seat and turned to look at the guy in the next booth. His back is to me, and I’m checking him and his assortment of tattoos out for a few minutes before I yell (always yell) to my dad, “Daddy, look at this man!”
Needless to say, my parents wanted to crawl under the table and disown me on the spot. Lucky for all of us, though, this guy turned out to be pretty cool and was like, “hey, you like those? Well I have some on my other arm too!” and gave me the full tour of his body art.
So, if I’m any indication, it’s not going to get any better as Lil C reaches adulthood. I’m still the same way today, except now it’s Matt that wants to crawl under the table, haha. I blame it on the blonde.
I think it’s a bell curve…you have no control when you’re very young and none when you’re really old. In between somewhere you learn how to develop and control that inside/outside voice thing, but then you lose it again. Oh well….
Def. on the really old part too.
Haha.
DUDE — benny used to say stuff like that all the time. He still does. One of his favorites was asking loudly whether someone was a girl or a boy. One time he asked a sort of middle-aged woman — stout and surly — “Are you a man?” I thought I’d DIE.
The bad news is he’s 9 and he still has almost no internal filter. We can only treat each situation individually. Yay!
Hehe that is a really funny story. I am work and had to try and stop myself from laughing. I cant say I have had the same experience because I have no kids. But I have been out with loud noisy people or people who like to make scenes and get into confrontations, so I can relate to your feeling of wanting the earth to swallow you hehe.
I’ve been around adults who lack the filter too. Equally embarrassing for sure. Thanks for your comment!
BBM
I remember being in the bathroom at the mall, back when I was a bit heavier, and having my son go up to a guy that had just come in and say to him, “You’ve got a big belly! Just like my papa!”
Luckily, Santa-Clause type guys are often sort of jolly and the guy laughed.