February 24, 2009

Ripping Open a Raw Wound

Two years ago this June, our friend Sheree passed away at the age of 29 after a year long battle with a terrible cancer. After getting a devastating phone call from her husband telling us she had only days left, we packed our car and kids and headed out on a 3.5 hour drive to do whatever we could to help. The day we arrived, I spent the entire day in the kitchen. I made whatever I could think of to make and had stacks of disposable food containers full of meals by the end of the day. My plan was to finish cooking and then go see her at the hospital one last time to say goodbye.

I never got my chance.

During the afternoon, we got the call from her husband that Sheree was gone. We extended our trip and stayed through three days of viewings and the funeral. We watched her two young children while her husband spent night after night at the funeral home. It was a gut-wrenching week and I won't soon forget it.

Lisa and her battle with cancer is ripping open all of these wounds once again. I met Lisa online for the first time. We were both bloggers for our local newspaper's online website. She left me a comment or two and I returned the favor. The hometown crowd could be brutal to the newspaper's bloggers so I found a supporter in her and she found one in me. When I read what her blog was about, her on-going battle with cancer, it made me heartsick. Like me, she had two young daughters too.

Last year, I met Lisa at Tequila Con 2008 in Philly. She was actually one of the very first bloggers I met in person and she lit up the room. Everyone there knew that she was battling cancer (for the 3rd time), yet you never would have known it. Lisa and her husband were an absolute joy to talk to, and I wish I would have had more time to talk to her as the night went on. As you can imagine though, Lisa was a popular girl that night. That's Lisa with the glasses.

After TC '08 we exchanged some emails. I offered my husband's services since he works in clinical research. I sent her an email full of medical studies that I thought might be of interest. I couldn't bear to watch another young mother die. I tried to think of anything I could that might help.

When she wrote about pain, I emailed her about some natural things I had heard about. I prayed nightly for a miracle-still do.

I have cautiously popped over to her blog during the past few months. A few months ago, Lisa decided it was time to accept what was happening and she entered at home hospice care. It was amazing how she expressed herself and accepted something that made me so upset and angry. It's simply not fair and it makes me mad at the world, what's happening to her and to her family.

Today, I read an update from Karl on her blog, and like I usually do when I read her blog, I cried, because it is happening again. My heart is breaking for Lisa and her family right now. I absolutely hate when my prayers aren't answered. I have tried to make myself feel better about Lisa and about Sheree by thinking that heaven must need some great moms up there. That this is why it's now her time.

Like with Sheree, I have done a heck of a lot of cooking today and am driving out to her house tomorrow. I don't expect to be able to say goodbye to her tomorrow. I imagine that she's not really feeling up to having visitors. I just hope that I can make things a bit easier on her and her family in some small way. If any of you are local and would like to make a freezer friendly meal, please shoot me an email. I'd be happy to take yours as well.