October 9, 2008

Me and My Annoying Knee

I went to the dojo tonight for the early class. I figured if I was feeling good enough, I’d stay for the late class. I wasn’t so I didn’t.

Stretches went fine until we got to the sit-ups. I had no idea that ACL surgery also eliminates stomach muscles, but apparently it does. I haven’t exactly kept up with sit-ups in my months away from karate. I’m going to pay for that tomorrow.

Push-ups went better if you ignore the awkward girl stance I was in with my bad leg out straight and all my weight balanced between my hands and my one good knee. Something tells me my good knee may soon be my second bad knee.

We started off class with some basic moving drills; and they were uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. I wanted to be concentrating on my hip movement, my stances and making my arms do the right things at the right time. Instead, I spent the entire moving drill concentrating on that sink, twist and step out motion that was causing twinges of pain every single time I did them.

We then stood in Nai Hanchi for a while and worked on different strikes. While I wanted to concentrate on my punches, I ended up watching myself in the mirror and the obvious lean I was doing onto my good leg. I kept trying to make myself center up again, but I’d always find myself leaning back to the right side again.

Then I got a cramp in my calf muscle. My leg muscles just aren’t conditioned enough yet. Nai Hanchi stances kills. When we moved on to some kicking drills, I bowed out for a bit. Soon, I was called to go downstairs for Big I’s promotion. She got a promotion and a stripe tonight and another green belt dad and I got to play the role of "yudansha."

Big I thought it was fun to bow to me after she was given her certificate. I was just relieved when I could get off the floor after agonizing in an awkward seiza which was pretty much me kneeling on one knee with my left leg hanging out awkwardly to the left.

When I went back upstairs, they were working on more kicking drills. I don’t have clearance to do that yet, and I was feeling sore and tired so I went home.

Unlike the week before, I didn’t have a good ride home. This knee business absolutely sucks on so many levels. I’m one of those people that wants to do something and do it well. Right now, I can’t do anything well when it comes to karate. I can’t clear my head because I’m always worried about my knee; and I can’t do anything the way its supposed to be done.

I feel like a slacker and a loser and I don’t like it one bit. Maybe it was too soon to go back. Maybe I’m just not there yet. On the drive home, all I kept thinking is that I may not ever get back to where I was before and that is beyond frustrating.

I’m going to try to just get it out of my head. I’m reading a book called "Me, Chi and Bruce Lee" about a guy who attempts to get a black belt, gets a bunch of injuries, and "learns what the martial arts is all about." I’m on Chapter 3 right now and I’m thinking this is just the book I need to be reading right now.