June 11, 2008

Operation Relaxation

I am not an exhibitionist.  However, my swimsuit tells another story (It did last year too, unfortunately).

Today, the crew went to play tennis and I would be lying if I didn’t admit I was a little jealous.  To cheer myself up, I decided to slather sunscreen on the kicking and screaming girls and head to the beach solo.  After they were ready, I put my swimsuit from last year on and turned so that I could see my back while I sprayed sunscreen on in the bathroom mirror. 

I saw much more than my back.

In place of the previous opaque fabric was something resembling a window screen.  Beyond the "window screen", a very white butt and accompanying crack.  The offending area ran about 3 inches down the crack and two inches side to side. 

I gasped in horror as I recalled the previous day.  I’d spent hours in that swimsuit only yesterday, strutting my stuff around the pool in the company of the girls, Mr. BBM, my father-in-law, his fiance and her son.  Fan-freaking-tastic.  I silently thanked God that I had spent much of the day sitting in the pool because a sunburned butt-crack would be all kinds of unpleasant.

Upon closer inspection, I found two more smaller hole areas on the front of my swimsuit bottoms.  Off it went. 

Because my past few days have consisted entirely of: beach, sangria, pool, hot tub, yummy food, more sangria, and oh yeah sangria, instead of shaking my fist at the universe for following me with bad luck to the beach, I shrugged the patchwork swimsuit off as a sign from the gods that I’m supposed to go buy another swimsuit. 

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Posted by on June 11, 2008 in Mental Strain for Mama | 8 Comments

Comments

8 Comments on Operation Relaxation

  1. Avitable on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 6:07 pm

    2. This post is worthless without pics.

  2. dougis on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 7:40 pm

    3. I guess there is just something about a vacation that brings out your butt.
    🙂
    Hope you are all having a great time.

  3. sizzle on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 9:35 pm

    4. I don’t know if it is the sangria talking or the relaxation but…that’s the spirit!

  4. delmer on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 9:48 pm

    5. I love the tradition part of threads that continue from year to year (my June 9th celebration for example and to do some self-pimping). I’m already looking forward to next year’s swimsuit malfunction …
    Oh, I can’t do it. You fall outside the age range of women I’m comfortable ogling (and you’re married and very nice) … were you older, not married and, uh, mean?, or were I less evolved, I’d suggest that next year’s installment be another photo expose. (I’d even put the accent mark over the ‘e’ in expose.)

  5. Melissa on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 11:32 pm

    6. 1) Whenever the shopping gods tell you go to the overpriced touristy shop – you will be damned if you ignore them!
    2) Stick with the sangria…it’s the best medicine.

  6. Deryck on Thu, 12th Jun 2008 6:37 am

    7. Now I’m sure, as you mentioned this last year as well, I probably asked for photographic proof….and told you NOT to tell Mr BBM about it….hope he’s not reading over your shoulder!
    But you know – gotta check you’re not just making this stuff up…
    Keep enjoying that Sangria!!!!

  7. Renovation Girl on Thu, 12th Jun 2008 1:16 pm

    8. So, is vacation all its “cracked” up to be? Sorry…couldn’t help myself.
    Oh and get home already! I’m lonely and my phone bill is far too low! 😉

  8. Papa Bradstein on Thu, 12th Jun 2008 9:58 pm

    9. Yes, buy another swimsuit. And have another glass of sangria. I’ve found that sangria makes many problems go away. Or at least become so blurry that I can no longer really focus on them, so I look the other way.

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