June 11, 2008

Operation Relaxation

I am not an exhibitionist. However, my swimsuit tells another story (It did last year too, unfortunately).

Today, the crew went to play tennis and I would be lying if I didn’t admit I was a little jealous. To cheer myself up, I decided to slather sunscreen on the ~~kicking and~~ screaming girls and head to the beach solo. After they were ready, I put my swimsuit from last year on and turned so that I could see my back while I sprayed sunscreen on in the bathroom mirror.

I saw much more than my back.

In place of the previous opaque fabric was something resembling a window screen. Beyond the "window screen", a very white butt and accompanying crack. The offending area ran about 3 inches down the crack and two inches side to side.

I gasped in horror as I recalled the previous day. I’d spent hours in that swimsuit only yesterday, strutting my stuff around the pool in the company of the girls, Mr. BBM, my father-in-law, his fiance and her son. Fan-freaking-tastic. I silently thanked God that I had spent much of the day sitting in the pool because a sunburned butt-crack would be all kinds of unpleasant.

Upon closer inspection, I found two more smaller hole areas on the front of my swimsuit bottoms. Off it went.

Because my past few days have consisted entirely of: beach, sangria, pool, hot tub, yummy food, more sangria, and oh yeah sangria, instead of shaking my fist at the universe for following me with bad luck to the beach, I shrugged the patchwork swimsuit off as a sign from the gods that I’m supposed to go buy another swimsuit.