The State of the Knee

December 5, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 9 Comments
Filed under: ACL Hell

The state of the knee is not good.

I had my last session with my physical therapist today before he writes up his assessment of me, my knee and where to go from here. At this point, he is recommending that I at least get my knee scoped, and probably have my ACL reconstructed. Despite working hard at it for the past month, it doesn’t appear that any amount of leg strength is going to stabilize this knee enough to get me back to the things I love.

It’s not just the martial arts either. Right now, I am incapable of kneeling to tie my daughter’s shoes. I can’t sit cross-legged and read my daughter a book. Getting down onto the floor and back up requires tricky maneuvering which always causes pain. Standing up for any length of time gets very uncomfortable, with lots of pressure and dull aching. Straightening my leg completely while walking is painful enough that it causes me to wince, and don’t even get me started on bending my knee. My knee continues to wobble within the joint even when I’m not putting direct pressure on it. It’s very frustrating, and annoying; and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wish I could just take back that one second plant and kick from so many weeks ago. I’d do just about anything to go back in time and erase this huge nuisance from my life, because that’s exactly what it is right now.

My PT measured my flexion today at 140 degrees. That’s an awesome number but when you compare it to my good leg, it’s not so good for me. I was practically Gumby pre-injury and I just want my old knee back. I know that it’s probably never going to be the exact same again. I get that, but what I can’t stand is it staying the way it is now.

My PT told me that this time of year is pretty slow as far as surgeries go. Most people want to actually enjoy their holidays I guess. So hopefully, if surgery is the way we’re going to go, I’ll be able to get in quickly and get the first week of hell out of the way well before Christmas. I spent time reading online journals tonight about the surgery and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am scared, and that just the prospect of it is starting to keep me up at night.

I have two days until decision time. The problem is that there are just no good options Unfortunately, going back in time is off the table.

***The latest review is up at The BBM Review. If you’d like your chance to win a brand new Baby Jamz Move ‘n Groove Dance Mat, go leave a comment and you’re automatically entered to win. Good luck!

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On Killing

December 3, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 11 Comments
Filed under: Books

The book that I just finished reading is called "On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society" by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, and it was a fascinating read. Grossman addresses the psychology of killing in war and also relates his research to the never-ending escalation of violence in everyday society. One of my karate instructors recommended the book and I feel compelled to recommend it to you.

The basic premise of the book is built on research that found that only 10-15 percent of soldiers in wars before Vietnam actually would fire on enemies. He cites startling evidence, studies and interviews that really surprised me. When a non-military person thinks about war, you tend to imagine Rambo-like men and women who don’t mind shooting at the enemy. Nothing seems to be further from the truth. It seems that most humans (they estimate about 98% in the book) have a built in aversion to taking another person’s life.

Due to increased training, the firing rate in Vietnam was between 90-95 percent. But as we all know, in this country, there was a price to pay for it. My generation only knows what history books have told us about the Vietnam War, the discontent, the protests, the poor treatment of our soldiers upon their return, and that it was really a war like no other.

Grossman talks extensively through his book about the psychological cost of not only the increased firing rates and the effects of war on our soldiers, but also the psychological toll that the backlash of the Vietnam war left on our troops.

Fast forward to society today, where aggravated assault incidences are through the roof. Grossman compares the training methods that increased our firing rates to the video games available to the general public. He also compares the training methods to the violent movies and television shows that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. The comparisons and statistics are sobering.

Whereas human beings as a whole used to reject the idea of taking another person’s life, now "the inflicting of pain and suffering has become a source of entertainment: vicarious pleasure rather than revulsion." Grossman uses the example of teenagers watching violent horror movies and cheering when someone is taken out in a particularly vicious way. Surrounding people with popcorn, candy, and friends while watching violent "entertainment" only serve to desensitize people further to violence.

Video games that put a player in the role of a killer, and amusement park games where "bad guys" pop up and you have to shoot them may seem innocent to one who doesn’t really think about what they’re doing. But when you find out through Grossman’s book that these games are the exact same "training devices" used to turn our armed forces into men and women who will fire their weapons, it makes perfect sense that we have Columbine-like incidents and scares on a fairly regular basis.

If you have any interest at all in learning about the psychology behind killing and how it is having an effect on the society (particularly children) today, it’s a book you won’t want to miss. As a parent, I think it is an important read for any person raising a child in today’s society. As a martial artist, it provides a unique look at the mindset of one put in a situation where they must kill or be killed. I should warn you that Grossman does not mince words. He relays stories of those who have been in terrible combat situations, which sometimes made me need to put the book down and take a breather. Upon completion though, you are left with a clear picture of what violence in the media is doing to those who view it, and a desire to do what you can to change it.

***As food for thought, go here and run through the pictures and make sure to answer the poll questions so you can see the results.

***The latest review is up at The BBM Review. If you have an elementary aged child and you’re interested in finding some supplemental learning games for them, check it out. The Baby Jamz review is up and the contest is LIVE! All you need to do is stop over at The BBM Review, and leave a comment on the Baby Jamz review for your chance to win!