November 10, 2007

Letterman Style Pro’s of Crutches

In the interest of being positive, I bring you the Top Ten Reasons Why Crutches are Cool:

10. I haven’t had to make dinner (minus reheating something up) in over two weeks.

9. I haven’t had to trudge out to the bus stop in the early a.m. in over two weeks.

8. Your husband will occasionally carry you around if you make that sad face and complain a bit about how bad the heels of your hands hurt from the crutches and how sore your knee feels.

7. People hold doors open for you (all except for the jerks who stand there and stare at you while they sit on their butts because they must think it’s amusing to watch you struggle and/or their mama never taught them any damn manners-oh wait, this is supposed to be a "pro’s" list).

6. No laundry, because how are you supposed to hold a basket of clothes while on crutches? Not gonna happen.

5. You get some really nice emails from people.

4. You get some "me" time at physical therapy (Yeah, I realize this one is grasping. . .).

3. Seriously toned arms from using your upper body to propel you around everywhere.

2. No cleaning.

And the number one reason why being on crutches is cool. . .

1. You get out of having to take Big I to birthday parties, which saves you from having to watch other kids be rude to your kid which makes you want to strangle certain 6-year olds, therefore saving you from the stress and irritation that seems to haunt you for weeks afterward.

That being said, I can not WAIT to ditch these crutches. Two weeks people. Two weeks-that’s the goal. Then maybe I’ll have another Letterman inspired post in the form of throwing my crutches in a river for my very own version of "Will It Float."