October 28, 2007

Let the Pity Party Begin

When I wake up in the morning, I can almost forget what happened last week. It’s when I roll carefully over and see my crutches waiting for me by my nightstand that it all comes streaming back. I start the day off o.k. I try to put a little weight on my stiff, sore knee and think things are going o.k., but always, within about five tentative steps, the knee goes out on me, it hurts, I want to cry, and it’s back to the crutches I go.

Crutches suck. They chafe your armpits something terrible. I started with just the regular old crutches, used them for 15 minutes and woke up the next day with swollen, painful armpits. Then Mr. BBM strapped his warrior shin guards on top of them and that helped but I was already so sore and the shin guards were a little bulky. Yesterday, my Mom cut egg crate packing material to fit my crutches and used duct tape to keep it on there. Today, my armpits are feeling a little better.

I can’t say the same for my knee, left or right one, to be quite honest. I live in the house of stairs. Imagine a three level house, and then split it to make six separate levels. If I hang out in the living room, I have to maneuver seven steps either up or down to get to the bathroom. It’s a level up to my bedroom, a level down to the kitchen, two levels up to get to floor where the little girls rule, and three levels down to feed my cats.

So far, I haven’t figured out a good way to get down the stairs. I tried holding the railing and hopping down the stairs. That puts a lot of pressure on my right knee, which is getting sore under all the stress of carrying the weight of my whole body these days. But sitting to scoot down the stairs isn’t any better. That bend to get down on my butt is killing my right knee. If I don’t figure out how to fly soon, I’m going to have problems with both knees before I know it.

I’m usually not a crier, but as the day goes on, my knee hurts more, and the frustration of not being able to do simple things I did before gets really upsetting. I’ve spent the weekend googling "ACL injury" and coming up with all kinds of things that have made me cry.

Osteo-arthritis

Knee replacements

Grafts

Screws in bones

To say I am upset doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. I am devastated.

If there is anyone out there who has suffered an ACL tear and was able to rehab it without surgery and return to the martial arts or another sport, I would LOVE to hear from you. Thanks to all my regular readers and some new ones as well, for all of your encouraging comments and thoughtful emails. I can’t thank you enough. . .