May 30, 2006

Wanted: Vacation Manager

Position title: Vacation Manager

Job requirements:

  • Daily slathering of two slippery children with SPF 50 sunscreen at two hour intervals throughout the day (extra if children are in water).  Daily bonus paid if neither child develops any sunburn.
  • Managing the contents of beach bag and diaper bag, as in constantly knowing what is in both bags, where all items are located within bags, and what needs to be replenished. 
  • Frequent trips to obtain forgotten camera, "nice fresh fresh juice", towels, sunglasses forgotten in the car from the night before, etc. etc. etc.
  • Getting in very cold pool water to catch jumping child.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Oh, and repeat.
  • Preparing baby food menu for each day.  Includes obtaining food and finding a way to serve it at a tolerable temperature.
  • Building sandcastles which includes chasing away crabs from inhabiting freshly built sandcastles.
  • Bathing and dressing slippery, sunscreen covered children each night.
  • Running child to the bathroom from the point most far away from bathroom while chanting, "Hold it. Hold it. Hold it." 
  • Butt wiping.
  • Retrieval of all meals not eaten in a restaurant.
  • Carrying all beach materials (umbrella, beach blanket, towels, cover-ups, beach bag, sand toys, cooler, book, beach chair, jogging stroller, tent, etc.) to and from the beach each day.
  • Confronting neighboring hotel room occupants who happen to listen to the preview channel for 4 hours straight at the highest volume possible.

Qualifications:

  • Endless patience.
  • True love for children.
  • No allergies to sunscreen ingredients.
  • Strength of a pack mule to carry multiple heavy things at a time.

Anyone?  Anyone?  Not that I’m complaining because I’m having a great time; but it sure would be nice. . .

You might also like:

  1. “Vacation, all I ever wanted. . .” (minus the head injury)
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  3. Soaring to New Heights

Posted by on May 30, 2006 in Mental Strain for Mama | 16 Comments

Comments

16 Comments on Wanted: Vacation Manager

  1. Deryck on Wed, 31st May 2006 4:27 am

    2. Are you sure that you’re on vacation??
    That said it does sound very familiar…. 🙂

  2. Lydia on Wed, 31st May 2006 7:06 am

    3. *cackle* Oooohhhh yes. So familiar. So familiar. I’m sorry I can’t apply for the job. I am perfectly, exquisitely qualified. However, I am already engaged with similar employment.

  3. Lydia on Wed, 31st May 2006 7:07 am

    4. PS. Someday, we’ll be GRANDMAS! Then we can sit back, dandling the baby on our wrinkled knees, and watch the moms do it all.

  4. Kristi on Wed, 31st May 2006 10:25 am

    5. Sorry, don’t really know anyone qualified for all that, well, except for every single mother out there, but they wouldn’t take the job for sure, unless it was their own vacation, that is. Hope you are having a GREAT time!

  5. Maniacal on Wed, 31st May 2006 11:02 am

    6. LOL I’m going on vacation to the beach in a week and a half. So I should save this post so I know what I’m in for! LOL Any other advise?

  6. Lisa on Wed, 31st May 2006 12:13 pm

    7. LOL I can imagine! Some vacation!

  7. psumommy on Wed, 31st May 2006 2:46 pm

    8. *grin* Hmmm…that sounds an awful lot like how my days are going recently. Except that I’m not at a vacation spot somewhere. So while I do possess the qualifications- I’m gonna have to pass.
    And I had to giggle at the ‘hold it! hold it!’ comment ’cause, you know, that’s how it ALWAYS is, isn’t it? Alex likes to wait until we’re at least 20 miles away from the nearest potty (driving, obviously)…

  8. junebee on Wed, 31st May 2006 5:51 pm

    9. Oh, I will start that job in about a week. Add on holding a toddler for 2 and a half hours and the toddlers have never been on an airplane before.

  9. Lynn on Wed, 31st May 2006 7:40 pm

    10. Sure…how much pay we talkin’? =P

  10. Calista on Wed, 31st May 2006 8:48 pm

    11. Okay, I can do all of that 🙂 Except I have very little experience chanting “Hold it…hold it.” as Keenan is not trained yet.

  11. Oniyagi on Thu, 1st Jun 2006 9:17 am

    12. My wife wants to apply, but she needs to know if bringing three extra slippery children would be alright. Thanks for the great laugh BBM! Reading your blog always makes me smile.

  12. J on Thu, 1st Jun 2006 9:35 am

    13. I’ll do it for an all expense paid trip to Hawaii…. 😉

  13. Wayward Goddess on Fri, 2nd Jun 2006 10:51 am

    14. I came across this and thought of you and Lil C
    https://www.centuryfitness.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10051&storeId=10051&productId=84459&langId=-1&product_parentId=13679&crumb=13501&categoryId=13679&parent_category_rn=13534

  14. mrsfortune on Fri, 2nd Jun 2006 11:59 am

    15. I’ll do it! As long as you’re paying. 🙂 I can do all of the above chores, gladly.

  15. flipflopmamma on Fri, 2nd Jun 2006 4:56 pm

    16. what’s the pay? lol!

  16. the weirdgirl on Fri, 2nd Jun 2006 5:55 pm

    17. OK, if you find someone you’ll be sharing the name and contact info, right?