June 24, 2008

We’ll Be Taking It All

After receiving another miserable offer yesterday, our realtor called the buyer’s realtor to ask why they made such a crappy offer. One of her reasons was that, we "didn’t do anything to the place." She said we "hadn’t updated at all."

Over the past almost five years, Mr. BBM and I have slowly worked our way through this house. We’ve redone almost every single room in the house. We both took it personally. So, Mr. BBM and I decided this morning that if we were to reach an agreement with these people, we’re going to let them know a couple things.

First of all, we’re taking all of the things we "didn’t do" to the place. The list will include the following:

Ripping up the kitchen floor and leaving the cabinets bare, without the brushed nickel hardware.
Baldwin Brass hardware from the every bathroom in the house. They don’t need knobs, toilet paper holders or towel bars right?
The new microwave and garbage disposal.
The suede paint on the dining room walls. I’m sure the new buyers will enjoy the nasty sponge painting underneath. We certainly did. . . NOT.
The refinished cabinets in our master bathroom and all the paint on the walls too. In fact, we’ll put back up the three layers of old pink wallpaper if we can find some leftovers. There was no sweat equity in that job at all. Really.
We’re also going to scrape the paint off the girls’ bathroom, and put back up the ugly border.
We’ll also scrape paint off of both of the girls’ rooms, the family room, and all of the hallways, ceilings and foyer. We hope the new owners will enjoy the areas where the owner before us painted around furniture.
All the new carpeting in the hallways, on the stairs, in the master bedroom and the girls’ rooms, the upgraded padding too.
Don’t mind the big hole in the wall in the foyer. We’re taking the wireless security system.
I hope they like cold showers, because we’ll also be taking our new hot water heater.
Also, the new front door deadbolt and lock, the new brass numbers on the house and all the paint surrounding the windows and doors on the front of the house.
We’re detaching and taking the sun deck too. That’s probably going to leave some holes.

Oh well, the new owners can just pretend they have floor coverings, paint and that the holes we’ve left don’t exist. After all, we didn’t do anything to the place right?

Oh, I almost forgot. For the realtor who says we didn’t do anything:

Honey, you didn’t do anything either, besides make us mad. So, I’m sure you won’t mind reducing your commission by, oh 3%, since all you really did was open the door for them. I mean, what did you really do to sell our house? If your buyer’s want 3% seller’s assist, they can have your commission. Feel like you’re getting a raw deal? Yeah, that’s how we feel.

Is it too early to have a glass of sangria???