March 27, 2009

How to Annoy Your Kid Keri Hilson Style

Mr. BBM has spent years wrecking favorite songs of mine for me. Usually he does so by inserting some disgusting lyric that tends to linger. There used to be this slow song I liked and now I seem to have completely blocked it from memory because he made the whole chorus about pooping. Crap like that is irritating.

However, last night I was trying to get Big I to move a little faster through her bedtime routine and I found a way to make it happen.

If you've been reading here long enough, then you know that I don't like the typical music that an average ~~30-something~~ 29-year old Mom likes. My latest favorite song is by Keri Hilson and it's called "Turning me on." Actually, it's probably spelled "turnin' myon" or something because people who sing songs like that tend to do that. For example, one of the real words in his song is "'proachin'." That would be "approaching" for you non-R&B-inclined folks out there.

Since Big I is turning eight years old tomorrow (sob, sob), I figure the girl can take a shower without Mommy standing in the bathroom, but she has yet to believe in herself when it comes to her ability to wash all the soap out of her hair without me peeking in to give my blessing and approval. So, since she makes me stay in the bathroom, I need to find some way to keep myself busy. Last night, I decided to change some lyrics of my own in hopes that she would get sick of hearing me sing and tell me I could leave the bathroom.

Here are my lyrics. Feel free to play the video so you can hear the music and sing along if you'd like. Click here if you can't click from here.

Like this. . .

Big I's in the shower,
Shampoo bottle poppin'
You know just how to wash it,
You know just how to wash it,
You washin' your hair,
You washin' your hair,
You washin' your hair

Wait a minute, little Izzy
You got one more minute
To wash your naked body
Better recognize you're dirty
Better make sure that you wash it,
You washin' your butt,
You washin' your butt,
You washin' your butt

Better recognize you're really dirty
ah, ah, ah, ah

You ever try to get that butt real clean
Better scrub your body til you're real soapy
Come on Izzy, get it clean
ah, ah, ah, ah
You gotta keep scrubbin' that body
You gotta be for sure that your butt is clean.
Recognize you're really dirty

Washing your armpit,
Washing where you sit
And you're hoping that your daddy,
will be reading you a book
You better get out
You're taking too long,
You're taking too long,

Wait a minute little Izzy

Lather, rinse, repeat from the beginning. You get the idea.

I found it was a great way to let off a little steam, and it was amazing how fast the kid moved when she realized I wasn't going to stop singing and dancing until she was out of the shower and in bed. Feel free to adapt the lyrics for your own home usage.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on March 27, 2009 in Growing Pains | 6 Comments

March 26, 2009

A Temper Tantrum All My Own

Yesterday Lil C had the temper tantrum of the century. This morning I had one of my own.

Disappointed, frustrated, and a bit angry after wasting my time grading assignments that were half completed, I went into class this morning intending to give the kids a good talking to. When I got in there though, I couldn't stop. I actually had to hold on to the podium because I started shaking. I lectured about laziness and carelessness for a good 15 minutes. It was kind of like when you start telling the guy who cuts your hair everything about yourself. You don't know why you're doing it, but you just know you can't stop. Today, I just couldn't stop.

Instead of doing what I personally always hated, I first told the kids who show up every day and turn all their assignments in correctly and on time that they could sort of zone out for a few minutes. However, I told them, "if you have any plans in the near future to slack off, then you should probably pay attention too."

Some of the highlights:

"When my second grader reads over my shoulder as I'm grading one of your papers and says 'Oh mommy, that's spelled wrong.' . . . we have a problem."
"I have a t-shirt I wear to the gym that says 'Lazy Sucks' and that would be my opinion on the papers I graded last night."
"I know that, by now, you understand how to do this, so the only possible reason for these poorly constructed outlines is that either a) you're lazy; or b) you don't care. Neither one of those reasons is acceptable.
You are a nice group of students. Nice doesn't get you an A though. Neither does just showing up without putting in any effort.
For those of you who have outlines that look like gobbly-gook with the completely wrong format, hold your hands up and wiggle your pinky fingers around. Ahh, see that, they work. Find the "tab" key and use it.

When I was finished with my rant, I handed back their outlines, pointed out five students who had done a great job and told the ones who hadn't to pair up with someone who did it correctly and "beg them to help you get it right."

I also passed out post-it notes with their current grades and the number of absences on it. I told the ones who were in good shape to keep it up, and not to slack. I told the ones who had dug themselves a hole that it isn't too late to dig themselves out.

Then I had a student ask me if I give extra credit for perfect attendance. I told her and the rest of the class that they don't get stickers and rewards for doing what they're supposed to be doing already. I'm not rewarding them for gracing me with their presence.

I then spent some time talking with the student with the lowest grade. He asked me if he should just withdraw from the class. After a good 10 minute conference with him, he went from being grumpy with me to finally taking ownership of the mess he's put himself in, and knowing what he needs to do to dig himself back out. Here's hoping he actually follows through. I think he will.

Eternal optimism. If a teacher loses that, they're done for. I was planning on keeping mine. . . at least for now, but then I got the results of my allergy testing today.

My number one allergy?

Cats. I have two.

I have told people for years that my allergies got bad after I had my kids. Perhaps though, I have just lost my memory of the years before having kids since my cats are now about 13 years old. I'm also allergic to late summer pollens, a bunch of molds, two trees (elm & poplar), and dust mites. That was my other big one; but the doctor and I ruled that out as a problem since my bedroom (thanks to my obsessively putting every bedroom item into an allergy cover) is pretty much a mite free zone. So, we're left with my cats.

Finding them a new home isn't really an option for me. So, for now I'm on a ton of medications (eye drops, nose spray, and a new prescription antihistamine). In three weeks, I go back to determine whether or not I need to move into the next phase of probable torture: allergy shots.

Today's appointment took 3.5 hours. I went through just under 40 scratch test things on my back which was similar to the sensation of tweezing eyebrows, but with a slightly painful little tickle that was more annoying than anything else. Then it was on to 32 intra-dermals, 16 for each arm. The one that glared at him the most was the cats. Why couldn't I be allergic to dogs? I can't stand dogs anyway!

The good news is that I was quite comfortable while there. My Mom works there and all the nurses and the doctor know me. I'm glad it's over with for sure, and hope that the cocktail the doctor came up with will work for me, starting now.

Since I'm feeling a bit like a human sieve, I'm skipping karate tonight. Plus, they gave me an antihistamine and prednisone before leaving and all I really want to do is go scrub my arms and back and go to sleep.

All around, this has been a completely sucktastic week. And starting tomorrow, I need to prepare for a luau birthday party for Big I, complete with a home-made volcano cake. Right now though, it's eye drop, nose spray time.

Fun stuff.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on March 26, 2009 in Back in the Classroom | 10 Comments

March 25, 2009

A Parking Lot Tantrum

Yesterday, I completely forgot about Big I's hair cut appointment. It's the second time I've done that in the past six months. To say I'm a bit scattered lately would be a huge understatement. I just can't seem to get my act together.

I think part of my problem is a lack of sleep. Lil C has been making nightly appearances in my bedroom to go to the bathroom and then she complains that she can't go back to sleep. Usually Mr. BBM wakes up with her because I am unconscious to the world, but when I'm lacking allergy meds and I have to wake up every 10 minutes or so to scratch my tongue with my teeth, well, not much sleep happens.

Plus, Mr. BBM was completely out of it himself last night, so much so that he was talking in his sleep. He sounded as if someone had shoved a giant wad of cotton in his mouth as he yelled loudly and then even louder, "Hey, hey" and then "hey," brief pause, "HEY!" and then some garbled business that sounded like "So do you wanna bleckity bloger blugen." At first I thought it was funny, and then I looked at the clock and realized I"d been in bed over two hours and hadn't yet slept.

It makes dealing with stuff like this especially challenging. . .

This would be during the middle of Lil C's freak out in the Party City parking lot today.

I only wish I knew how to take video. She was getting some serious air during those temper tantrum induced jumps and fits. Also, she could totally be an Irish dancer. And the tantrum back arch, featured below? Perfect in its form and effectiveness.

At this point, you're probably asking yourself what type of mother pulls out the camera and starts snapping pictures of her daughter having a total fit in a public parking area, and I'll tell you what kind. . . a seriously exhausted, frustrated one. . . with a freaking itchy tongue.

At one point, during the five-minute ordeal, a man noticed me taking pictures of her, pulled his car up beside us, and nodded approvingly in my direction. I could tell he had two carseats in the back of his car. He totally gets me.

As I'm sitting here inserting these pictures, Lil C asked me why I had pictures of "sad 'Lil C'" and I told her I'm collecting them for a dating portfolio in the future. I think she understands, because she completely quit whining, at least for now.

Is it any wonder I forgot Big I's appointment and can't seem to keep my life together right now? Is it any wonder that I'm actually looking forward to getting stuck with a needle at least 30 plus times tomorrow for allergy testing, because I'll be without the little one during those hours of needle pricking hell?

Tantrums kill Mommy brain cells. Spread the word.

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Posted by Black Belt Mama on March 25, 2009 in Mental Strain for Mama | 13 Comments

March 24, 2009

In a Perfect World. . .

Three-year olds who are taken to Chuckie Cheese for an afternoon with a good friend would reward you with an afternoon of peace, not screaming and tantrums reminiscent of something out of The Exorcist.
A landscaping and yard care company would show up at my door and offer to re-seed my yard for free, just because my yard looks that bad and they feel sorry for me. (Plus, I will totally review your services online. No seriously, email me. For real.)
A patio company would also show up and offer to install a beautiful paver patio complete with a fire pit and water features, also for free. See the statement above. Email me. Seriously. Free advertising people.
I wouldn't have to stop taking my allergy meds for five days before being tested, therefore rendering myself almost as miserable as a certain 3-year old. You know you have some serious allergy issues when your tongue itches so badly that you have to scratch it with your teeth.
Tile floors would clean themselves.
I would have someone who could come to my house on a daily basis to blow dry the back of my hair to make it look the way my arms just can't.
My kids would realize that I am not a short order chef and would just gratefully eat what's put in front of them.
The three brownies I shoved down my throat to help me cope with the whining and screaming kid would be eaten by stress and not on their way to become butt fat.
People would pay their damn bills and the phone company would stop giving me the leftover phone numbers from people who are wanted by creditors. For the final time, Luis Ramos does NOT live here and I really wish you would stop calling me at all hours of the day despite the fact that I've told you 5000 times that no one lives here by that name, and take my name off your list already, etc. etc. etc. (I think I need another brownie). And here I thought I was rid of this problem when I ditched my last phone number.
Grumpy, moody three-year-olds would wake up happy after a two hour nap.
I would have started karate when I was a lot younger.
I would have gotten to Shodan at least, before injuring myself with a confidence shattering injury that continues to stack the challenges in front of me and make them seem even more insurmountable.
Students would turn their assignments in on time and not try to make me feel guilty for not accepting their assignments.
Children would close the exterior door when they come inside instead of leaving it wide open for like two hours. It's good polar bears aren't native to this area; however, I fully expect a squirrel to run across my bed tonight while I'm trying to sleep.
My grass would stand up and fight instead of admitting defeat and laying down to die.
Mom's wouldn't be the only ones who have to remember that their kid had a hair appointment today. . . two hours after it was supposed to happen. This is the second time this has happened. My brain is obviously too full of crap to keep track of everything.
When you start Monday off on the wrong foot, you'd be able to recover by Tuesday instead of having to declare the week a total fail already.

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Posted by Black Belt Mama on March 24, 2009 in Mental Strain for Mama | 5 Comments

March 23, 2009

There Are No Stances in Kobudo

By: C. Bruce Heilman, Hanshi, Okinawa Kenpo Karate Kobudo

Although "kobudo" is commonly referred to as an "extension of ones open hand karate", the reality is that kobudo is only an extension of the open hand concepts and not the actual stancing and techniques.

I can still remember the day when I first heard my Instructor make the statement that …"there are no stances in kobudo.” My Instructor was none other than Seikichi Odo, the head of the Okinawa Kenpo Karate Kobudo system and considered one of the top kobudo practitioners on Okinawa. At the time, being a die-hard traditionalist brought up on the value of strong basics, etc. I at first considered that I had a "hearing problem" and that I had just misunderstood my Instructor’s statement, as English was not his first language and Japanese was not mine. However, as time went on I began to understand that I had indeed heard him correctly and that my earlier perception that …"kobudo was just an extension of ones karate,” was off the mark.

With the passage of many years, I now have come to fully understand and accept this concept, and I have to admit some enjoyment when I now find myself making that very statement at various kobudo seminars I give internationally, and see the same look of astonishment and initial disbelief in the eyes of some of the seminar participants. It’s the same look I must have had so many years ago. It makes me wonder if that "smile" I thought I saw on my Instructor’s face so long ago when he first introduced me to the "statement" has any relationship to the one that I'm accused of having occasionally used when I now discuss the same topic.

Let us begin the detailed examination of this statement by first looking briefly at the historical development of Okinawan Kobudo.

Kobudo's Historical Development:

The study of ancient martial arts weapons and their related techniques has, over the centuries, resulted in the development of a variety of schools and systems. These systems can be divided into two basic groups purely for combative purposes: 1) Bugei – martial arts, and 2) Budo – martial arts. The Budo form was developed from the Bugei and Jitsu forms. The Okinawans call these forms "Kobudo" or ancient weapons arts.

Around 400 years ago, Japan began to assert control over the Island of Okinawa. One of the edicts forced the Okinawan people to turn over their weapons to the Japanese. The move was made by Imperial Japanese leaders with almost no realistic political foresight and very little insight into the Okinawan way of thinking. The ruling classes assumed that to gain political and financial control over this tenacious island race, all that was necessary was to disarm the people. Little did the authorities realize that the Okinawan people were such a nationalistic race and so strongly devoted to freedom that they would go to any lengths to deceive and/or hide the weapons they needed to fight their oppressors. Thus the weapons were called "farm implements,” but underground the fighting population was training in the use and proficiency of these tools. Soon the weapons masters became a most feared force in the battle for political freedom, feared by the Japanese and idolized by the Okinawan people whose protectorate they were.

Today, much of the Island of Okinawa has undergone its own industrial revolution, and most of these crude farm implements have been replaced by mechanical and/ or power tools. Yet, the history of these weapons is still part of the rich traditional background of Okinawan Martial Arts, and as important as the physical aspects of the arts.

Kobudo practitioners today, as did their ancient predecessors, perfect weapons techniques by training with kata specifically designed to teach and perfect directional movements, transitional movements, body alignment, balance, grace and coordination between body and weapon.

Further we must recognize that the practice of Okinawan Kobudo, although not formally part of Karate, is almost inseparable from an historical viewpoint. Okinawan Karate practitioners are generally involved to some extent in the practice of Kobudo. While most are at least proficient with a few weapons, few if any can use a wide range of weapons with a high level of proficiency.

The major difference between Karate and Kobudo practice has been that historically, Kobudo practice has not been as systematized as with Karate. Kobudo practice has tended to be focused upon separate "Kobudo Associations.” The very existence of these Kobudo Associations has however, over time, started a trend towards systematization of the Kobudo training, techniques and katas generally around "lineage lines" rather than "karate styles."

Thus, it is clear to see that historically, Okinawan Kobudo has been more organized around "lineage lines" with the practitioners of a particular kobudo lineage coming from a variety of karate styles. Examples of such "lineage lines" include: Taira, Matayoshi, Odo, Motoburyu, Chinen (Yamani-ryu), Kuniyoshi (Honshin-ryu), Uhuchiku, etc. Kobudo Lineages.

However, it is also recognized that some of the kobudo lineage lines have been strongly influenced by the stylistic preferences of its practitioners. The key here is that karate stylistic preferences have only influenced – not dominated the kobudo practice. Therefore, I submit that the conceptual aspects of kobudo practice are more important than the various karate stylistic technical considerations – i.e.: kobudo is kobudo when we come down to the basic concepts – it either works or it does not.

The Role Of Stances:

Since the preference for/and technical execution of stances differ between the various karate styles, -from long Zen Kutsu Dachi's, to moderate length Seisan Dachi's, to short range Sanchin Dachi's – we must therefore look at what the underlying purpose is for a stance.

The underlying purpose of all stancing is very simply – to provide a stable platform for the body – balance. The differences we see in length preferences are not important – it is just the stylistic preference. The balance the various different stances provide, permit the practitioner to exercise "control over the centerline."

In Karate, this "control of centerline" is accomplished by placing the hands "on-guard" positions between ourselves and our opponents. Without a strong balanced foundation, the guard positions would be ineffective. It can also be seen that one may need to make slight adjustments to the "guard" positions depending upon the type of stance being used (long vs. short) in order for the karate-ka to keep correct and effective control of the centerline. This concept is not a stylistic one – it is just good karate.

In Kobudo, the same basic concept of "control of centerline" also exists. The only change here is that this "control" is affected by the “weapon" rather than our hands as in karate. In fact this viewpoint, I believe has given rise to the initial misconception that most karate practitioners have that "weapons are just an extension of one's karate techniques." The key here is that we must also look at some of the other key concepts that must be considered in kobudo practice.

Other Key Concepts:

Among the other key co
nsiderations that are important in kobudo practice are: removal of target, natural relaxed movement, angle attacks, and range of weapon considerations.

The meaning of "removal of target" becomes clear to anyone who has fought with weapons. It is just good common sense to present the minimum target to an opponent and when attacked to be able to remove the target from the path of the opponents attack. In this manner we get away from the "Little John and Robin Hood" picture of two people pounding away on each other with their staffs, to one of being able to "slip the attack" and counter-attack.

In order to be able to remove the target, we have to learn how to "move in a natural relaxed manner" – flow followed by focus. The techniques with the weapon should be more related to wiping techniques than to clubbing or power techniques.

The concept of "angle attack" is also very critical and it goes hand in hand with the consideration of the effective "range of a weapon". We can classify the various different weapons of Okinawan Kobudo into one of three groups: 1) Long Range (nunte bo, yari bo, bo, etc.), 2) Intermediate Range (sai, tunfa, kama, nunchaku, nunte sai, etc.), and 3) Short Range (tekkos, etc.). Obviously, when one has an intermediate or short range weapon and is faced with an opponent with a long range weapon, if you stay at full range you can only at best be able to defend. For you to counterattack you must get in on the opponent, and an angle attack is the best means to accomplish this task.

Next, I draw your attention to an overview of the kata of traditional Okinawan Kobudo. Here we see that the most dominant type of attack presented in the traditional katas (of all the lineages) is the "lunge punch position" – lead hand and foot, same side forward. This is not just a fluke – but it is critical when one considers the issues of removal of target, range of weapon, and angle attack.

Modification of Stancing:

So as a practitioner of Okinawan Kobudo, the important point is not from which karate style you derive from, but rather that you understand that in order to make the kobudo work one needs to understand and be able to execute the concepts discussed above to get the most out of your kobudo practice.

Now we come back full circle to the initial statement of this article, that … "there are no stances in kobudo." The statement does not mean that no stances exist, as we have already discussed the important role of stancing in providing the foundation for balance and movement. But rather what is meant is that the "standard karate stances" are not employed in Okinawan Kobudo. The stancing concept is employed but the actual technical aspects of the stances must be modified. Remember, in open hand, we adjust the hands to effect the same "on-guard" positions out of different karate stances. In kobudo, since the distance between the "guarding portion of the weapon" and the body is larger than in karate, the adjustment is made in the stancing to permit effective centerline control.

The amount of adjustment to the stancing depends upon the length of the weapon. In using a short range weapon such as the Tekkos (claws), the range of adjustment is minor as the weapon is closer to the body. With the long range weapons such as the bo, the adjustment to the stance becomes more significant. In all cases, the end result is the same – effective control of centerline from a natural position – i.e.: just good kobudo that works.

The first area of adjustment for all forward facing kobudo stances is an increased emphasis of the use of the "pigeon toed" position for the front foot. The turning in of the front foot and flexing the front knee to where it is over the big toe of the support foot not only provides a level of protection for the inside of the leg (against attack), but also removes the front leg from the trajectory of the weapon during blocking or attacking techniques. This latter issue is an important consideration as the closer the "swing" of our weapons comes to a straight line to the target the more power we can deliver. Additionally, this type of front foot position provides an excellent basis for pivoting the rest of the body when removing the target.

The second area of stance adjustment focuses on the width of the stance and the opening of the hip position. A normal karate forward stance (Seisan or Zen Kutsu Dachi) uses shoulder width as the guide for the correct width. In kobudo practice the width is adjusted to less than shoulder width with the hips in a more open position. Thus the typical midrange and long range forward stances tend to be narrower and longer than their karate counterparts. It is through these adjustments that the Kobudo-ka is able to maintain control of centerline and minimization of target in a natural relaxed manner.

With respect to the use of the Neko Ashi Dachi (Cat Stance) in kobudo practice, here we also see the need for stance adjustments. Use of the standard karate Cat Stance presents too large of a target and does not permit effective control of centerline. The adjustment here is to shift the rear (support) foot into a position pointing 90 degrees from the opponent and open the hips to point in the same direction. This position is sometimes refereed to as the "Okinawan Back Stance" in some styles of Okinawa Karate. This position permits the practitioner to basically "hide behind" the weapon and makes covering centerline and clearing the defensive zones an easy task.

If one does not make adjustments to their stancing, then you are faced with the situation I refer to as "winning the battle, losing the war". By this I mean, since by using a standard karate stance in kobudo you will be presenting a larger target to your opponent and at the same time have a harder time maintaining control of centerline. When an attack comes you will have to clear a larger defensive area with your block and as a result leave a greater opening for a follow-up attack – thus the situation of getting your first block off but finding yourself hit with the follow-up attack – winning the battle/losing the war!

So in conclusion, while stances do exist in Okinawan Kobudo, they are not the same as those employed in our open hand arts. The concepts are the same, but the technical execution changes. Thus, perhaps a better description of "kobudo" might be to say it is …"an extension of basic karate concepts rather than basic karate techniques."

To read Hanshi's article "An Overview of Okinawan Kobudo" from last year's Admired Martial Artists Month, please click here. To read more about Hanshi Heilman, please go here.

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Posted by Black Belt Mama on March 23, 2009 in Admired Martial Artists Month, Guest Post | 2 Comments

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