August 28, 2009

Proof I Have Completely Lost It

Today I'm guest posting over at Karl's place. It's the Super Summer of Love again and I am second to last. No pressure or anything.

Because my writing creativity has been a bit lacking, I decided to break out the video camera. You should probably just head over there and watch it and then pretend you didn't see it when you see me the next time. My face will probably still be red.

Here are some questions and answers regarding the video. If I haven't intrigued you yet, these surely will.

Who's playing the role of Karl?

That would be Big I (clearly the whole "Napoleon complex" works well with this scenario).

What hooker did you borrow that dress from?

Um, actually, no one. That's my dress. I wore it to a sorority formal my sophomore year of college. No, I can't believe I wore it. Yes, I still fit in it (which is so damn cool). Yes, my mother knows I have it as she actually bought it for me (What the hell was she thinking?)

Why did you pick this song?

This song is one of my absolute favorite songs of the summer. I probably sing it in my sleep.

Where did Big I get those dance moves?

Big I is self Mommy-trained. Clearly.

Why didn't you hit that heavy bag harder?

The bag base has yet to be filled with water because we can't find one of the pieces from our move last year. Ugh. Grr.

Who filmed the video?

Part of it was filmed by Lil C who I trained to hit the record button on a tripod. Mr. BBM, who became extremely cranky about an hour into it, filmed and edited the rest.

What's up with the beach balls?

Um, have you seen Mariah Carey lately? Enough said.

Head on over to Karl's now for the video proof that I've completely lost it, the long awaited second lip syncing video. Enjoy.

And please go vote for me in the Victoria's Secret, Love Your Body contest. A girl in a gi deserves a vote in this silicone world. The number 1 person has over 16,000 votes. I need a miracle and I NEED your votes to get into the top 50!

Posted by Black Belt Mama on August 28, 2009 in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

August 28, 2009

For Immediate Release: The Highly Anticipated Second Video Hit

Later today, I'll be guest posting over at Karl's place. Mr. BBM, Big I, and I practically pulled an all-nighter to get it done on time. So later today you'll want to check back for a list of FAQ' s about the video and the link to the post where you'll find the triumphant (I hope) return of the lip syncing fool.

(I guess posting this means I actually have to follow through and post it later. Lord help us all.)

Anyone have a guess which song I chose?

Posted by Black Belt Mama on August 28, 2009 in Just for Fun | 2 Comments

August 25, 2009

Starting Again and a New Gig

Today was my first day back on campus. I started bright and early at 8 a.m. and like last fall, most of my students were already in their seats when I arrived at 7:55 a.m. My first class is all freshman and they came sleepy-eyed and semi-excited, but with a good deal of cautiousness as well.

I thought things were going great and then I asked if there were any questions and one of my students shot her hand straight up in the air.

“I live really far away,” she said, “so if someone dies or something at home, I won’t be here for a couple days.”

The other students looked around uncomfortably. Truly this was a weird “question” to have.

“Well,” I said, “it’s kind of a bad idea to start planning excuses to miss class and/or deaths to miss class on the first day of class. How about we just play it by ear and see what happens?”

Her face flushed a little bit and everyone chuckled a bit. I didn’t mean to call her out but what was I supposed to say? “Well, if someone dies, then by all means, miss as much class as you want.”

I mean seriously. Already we’re starting with the one dead grandparent per semester. The first day? Really?

My speech class arrived next and they seemed like an interesting and fun group right from the start. We did a silly getting-to-know-each-other activity and one of my new students stood up and demonstrated the oddities about his body. He showed us what ribs look like when you break them and don’t get them reset. One word: weird.

He showed us how he doesn’t have muscle up in his left pec area and when he pounded on it, he sounded almost hollow. Stranger yet.

He also showed us that he can throw his knee completely out, and then he proceeded to hop in a circle almost completely around his now-thrown-out-kneed leg. Having recovered from an ACL reconstruction and watching that much motion almost made me have to put my head between my knees and find a paper bag or something. Thank God he had jeans on when he did it or I would have been on the floor.

It is definitely going to be an interesting couple of months and not only for those reasons.

A friend of mine started a new blog called Bullsnballs. It’s not about bulls balls, so don’t be scared. It’s actually about sports and stocks, and yours truly happens to be writing a fantasy football column over there as well (to be debuting soon). Please go visit and say hello! Even if you have no interest in stocks and sports, you have to go just to see the design of the site, which was done by my fabulous designer as well. Feel free to link to him with reckless abandon.

And don’t forget to go vote for me today too! Please and thank you!

Posted by Black Belt Mama on August 25, 2009 in Back in the Classroom, Fantasy Football, Shameless Promo, Weblogs | 3 Comments

August 24, 2009

On NOT Bringing Back the 80’s

Today I visited campus to make copies galore and hunt for my new classroom location. I start teaching tomorrow at 8 a.m. and didn't want to have to find it while exhausted. I found my room and was very disappointed to see that I have chalk boards. Um, hello, it's 2009 and I wear black all the time. Last year I had white boards and loved it. I think I'm going to just have to teach off of Power Point this year or an overhead because chalk and I are not going to get along. What are the kids going to think when I scratch my nail on the board and vomit right there in the classroom?

My, my, we're off to a good start.

After spending an hour on campus, I took the girls to a couple clothing stores. We were trying to scope out the good ones for our school shopping excursion on Friday with my Mom. Big I has been bugging me to shop at "Justice for Girls" and I've been steering her to Gap, Gymboree and Children's Place instead. She tells me all the kids are wearing "Justice" and that the cool people wear it.

Dude, she's going to third grade. They are too young to be "cool." It's the year that, if she follows in my footsteps, I should cut her bangs really short, dress her in apples and stretch pants with hand prints on them and call it a day. I'm so not ready for "the cool kids wear it" crap.

We browsed through the aisles at Justice and all I could think about was Punky Brewster.

Except looking at Punky Brewster now, I realize she was not even as bad as Justice. Today's Punky, wearing Justice attire, would be like Punky on crack. Justice is just plain insane. There are fluorescent polo tops with attached hot pink ties around the neck, vests in obnoxious colors and jeans that look bedazzled from waist to toe. The colors are blinding and seizure inducing. The graphic t's are near unbearable; and I am so not planning on spending money in that store.

I allowed her to look around, and she pointed out some shirt that looked like a long sleeved white t-shirt underneath an electric blue halter top with silver glitter on it. I almost threw up right then and there. She asked me if I liked it and I said, "no," choosing instead to hold up and smile at a pale blue shirt with only pale blue on it. Very plain, classic, wearable, and not laughable.

Later, on our way to ju-jutsu, I asked her, "So Big I, would you like the clothes at Justice so much if the store was called 'Gymboree' instead?"

She thought for a minute or two and then said, "You know what Mommy? When I got in there, I didn't like it all that much. It kind of looks like rock star stuff, like a costume almost."

Oh Thank God.

On Friday, we're heading to the Gap outlet where I will happily spend money on normal jeans and cute t-shirts and sweaters.

Punky stayed in the 80's for a reason, a damn good one.

***If you're feeling clicky, please go vote for me because I totally don't look like Punky in my pictures.

Posted by Black Belt Mama on August 24, 2009 in Growing Pains, Mental Strain for Mama | 8 Comments