October 7, 2009
Not That Black Belt
Before I tested for my black belt, I already made up my mind. I wasn't going to be the black belt that gets the belt and then drops off the face of the Earth. Coming up through the ranks, I had seen that happen. There were several people who would test, get their belt, and then only show up occasionally. Sometimes when I asked them questions, they couldn't give me an answer or remember a kata. I didn't want to be that person.
Yesterday I realized I was quickly becoming that person.
I hadn't been to the dojo in two weeks and I was missing it. However, once you miss a class or four of them, it's difficult to get back on the horse. I was talking about this phenomenon with my students yesterday who were concerned about another student who hasn't come for the past three classes. They couldn't understand his behavior, but I can.
What happens is simple and it happened to me my freshman year as well. You miss one class and then when the next class comes up, you don't want to go because you're afraid you'll be called out or that you missed something important in the class you already missed. So you don't go again. Now you've missed two, so missing the third class is even more likely because now you're a week behind! It's easy to fall into a bad pattern.
I didn't want that to be me either. It felt lousy as a college student and it feels no different as an adult.
I quickly ate some leftovers and told Mr. BBM that I was going to both classes last night. Tuesday night is really the only time this is even an option for me since it's the one day that Mr. BBM works from home. I haven't attended a Monday night class in months. Asking Mr. BBM to work an entire day, drive an hour plus commute, and add on top of that an extra 20 minutes to get to the dojo to pick up and take the girls home so I can stay for class just doesn't seem fair.
So for once, I arrived at 6 to take the early class and I was glad I did. Warm-ups were brutal because I am out of practice. We did about 140 jumping jacks to start and I thought my left calf muscle would be rendered useless for the rest of the class. Thankfully it wasn't. This marked only the second time that when we lined up to rei in, I had to take my spot where the yudansha stand. Being the only other black belt in attendance at the early class last night, I was the only one in this spot and it felt weird. Thankfully, I knew what to do for the rei in. The Rei out was a different and embarrassing story, but you have to learn somehow.
We worked on basics for the entire first class and it felt good to get back to the bricks and mortar of training. We have so many new white belts whose names I didn't even know so it was nice to attend the early class and get to know them a little better. The best part of the night had to be thrust kicking the bags. It felt so incredibly good to really kick something. Although training for my Shodan test was intense and almost every night of the week in some way, shape, or form, I can honestly say that I miss it. When training every night, you can feel yourself get stronger and better at what you're doing. This two weeks in between classes has got to stop for me.
When the night was over, I was drenched in sweat and felt completely exhausted but good. I doubt anyone else noticed (Thank God) but during the two hours of training, I had hit myself in the face once when I got confused during a moving drill, and I cracked myself on the head with my tunfa too. This is what happens when you're not there on a regular basis, and when you're exhausted to begin with.
Exhausted or not from trying to mold resistant university students into responsible hard workers, I have to make more of an effort to get into class. I felt like I was neglecting my family and other responsibilities during those few months leading up to the shodan test, so there has to be a balance when you have a family, when you're a mom and also a teacher. But I also know that I'm a better person when I train regularly.
Oh, and I know, I know, I know. Pictures of Lil C's birthday and the infamous mermaid cookies are to come, probably tomorrow.
October 2, 2009
Awesome Is as Awesome Does
When you can make the result of an airplane cookie cutter look like a mermaid for Lil C's "Under the Sea" party this weekend. . . you're pretty awesome.
When you're in solid second place in one fantasy football league. . . you're pretty awesome.
When you're in dead last in another league. . .
If you're in the same boat, you should go commiserate with me here.
October 1, 2009
Everything AND the Kitchen Sink
Yesterday Lil C and I made about eight dozen cookies for her birthday party this weekend. Today, I got home from campus and got to work. I made about 80 chicken rolls, chopped up all my vegetables, made loaves of bread shaped like starfish for a vegetable dip bread bowl, made icing to decorate those eight dozen cookies, and got the girls and my Mom to decorate all of the cookies.
As I sat down after dinner tonight to take a breather, my under-mounted kitchen sink dropped completely out of its place. Mr. BBM and I sprang into action, him holding the sink up, and me trying to get everything out from underneath it while we both tried to figure out how to prop the thing up so the pipes and garbage disposal wouldn't break. Mr. BBM eventually got a tri-pod to hold it up; and then I freaked out.
How the hell am I going to get ready for a party on Saturday when I'm expecting about 50 people. . . without a sink?
I told Mr. BBM to call every number we had for our counter-top/sink people and he did, each message becoming more frantic as I said in the background, "We don't want to SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT! WE NEED THEM HERE NOW! TONIGHT!"
Within a few minutes, we had a call back and they are coming tomorrow morning. I should be able to use my sink in about an hour, they said. Apparently if the plumber doesn't let it sit long enough, it can mess with the seal. Also, the board that was supposed to hold our sink up in case of the seal failing was barely screwed into the cabinet. That will get fixed tomorrow too.
With any luck, they'll be here bright and early as planned, and I won't have to wash dishes in my clothes washer or perhaps my jacuzzi tub in preparation for and at this birthday party.
September 27, 2009
On Closing That Door
When you have a plan in your head of what your life is going to be like, it's sometimes difficult when things don't turn out quite like you had planned. At one point in my life, I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought, at the time, that I was too busy for kids. My husband would be the stay-at-home parent and I would be the bread-winner. When my political science class didn't go as planned, I trashed that plan and only occasionally look back and wish I had that law degree. I'd never wish not to stay home with my kids though. That change to plans is one I don't ever question.
When Mr. BBM and I started our family, I set out with the intention of having three children. I didn't care if they were girls or boys. I just wanted three. Mr. BBM is one of three children and I loved the feeling of an extra sibling in the house. I grew up with just me and my sister.
But when I was a couple months pregnant with Lil C, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Suddenly I was regretting my decision to even have a second child. For some people, gestational diabetes isn't a big deal, but for me, I knew it could be potentially devastating.
When my Mom was pregnant with her second child, she got gestational diabetes too. Hers, however, did not go away. My Mom is a Type 1 diabetic with an insulin pump and has been for the past 30 years. Growing up, I would come home to find her unconscious sometimes, having gone into insulin shock from a very low blood sugar. She was in a serious car accident one time from another low blood sugar. The life of insulin shots and constant blood sugar monitoring was not one I wanted.
I spent my entire pregnancy fluctuating between being excited about the baby and just wanting the baby out so I could (hopefully) stop being a diabetic. Thankfully, my diabetes went away after pregnancy. I felt like I was granted a reprieve and so did my Mom.
My plans to have a third were shattered. Taking the chance of the gestational diabetes coming back and staying seemed too great. Did I really want to subject my kids to some of the things I dealt with growing up? The answer was a definite "no." My Mom, an RN, felt the same. "Don't take that chance. Don't do it" she's told me on more than one occasion.
So with plans for a third gone, the question of why I was keeping all this baby stuff kept coming up. I have a basement full of beautiful baby clothes and bassinets. Things I won't use again, but I can't seem to part with. Mr. BBM doesn't get it and just wants the stuff gone. For me, each little piece of clothing holds so many memories. They are physical pieces of my children's baby years that seem to bring me closer to that time in my life when I had a baby on my hip. Maybe it's because Mr. BBM has always worked full time and he wasn't here nearly as much as I was with them. But no matter what he thinks or feels about it, it's difficult for me to say "I'm done" and get rid of the things that represent a time I so loved.
I don't know what made me do it today, a week before Lil C turns four, I guess it was because I know she'll be getting some new clothes for her birthday and I needed to make room. Cleaning out the things from her closet that she wore in the past year didn't seem so hard. I kept a couple items that were her favorites (or mine) and put the rest in bags for her friends. She was happy to help me. I figured since that had gone so well, I'd go through some 12-18 month stuff for my neighbor, a little girl I adore.
While going through the containers, I had the hardest time. I had to keep stopping and taking a deep breath. I'd put something on the pile to give away and then decide I just couldn't do it. It was the closest thing to torture I think I've ever experienced. I did it though, and made my way through the three containers. I parted with about 40% of it and that was a huge accomplishment for me.
Because I knew that if it stayed here for one more minute, it wasn't going to happen, I immediately went down the street to deliver it. It was when my friend looked kindly at me and said, "Are you sure?" that I lost it.
I have two healthy children and came out of a scary pregnancy unscathed, but wanting another little person in your house and not being able to have it is devastating emotionally. During the day to day, when you can occupy yourself with other things, it's not a problem. But when you force yourself to go through these things and get rid of what represents what you wanted your family to be and it won't be. . . When you're taking steps that say you've accepted that you're finished with that part of your life. . . it's just really, really, hard.
September 25, 2009
Campaign Strategy
Because I definitely need another thing to do in my life, I am running for election at our country club to be on the Board of Directors. Over the course of a couple months, my realtor and I had several conversations about it and I decided to run. The Country Club is not your traditional country club. It doesn't have a golf course. It has a club house and two great pools, and there's a lot of untapped potential there. My family belonged when I was growing up and I also worked there as a lifeguard for two summers before college. It's been pretty much the same all these years, minus the addition of a second pool.
Right now there seems to be a huge divide. There are the people who have been there forever whose activities fill the montly newsletter with bus trips, fashion shows and dances to music my grandparents would appreciate. It's a wonderful social outlet for them, but it doesn't attract the younger families who join primarily for the pool in the summer. Then there are the younger families, many who live right across the street from the club (like I do); and I think I can speak for us all when I say that we wish there were more activities geared towards our demographic.
Because I think these two dichotomies can co-exist peacefully, I decided to run for election. Appointments are for three years and I've heard that it's difficult to get elected. Only members in attendance at the Sunday afternoon meeting are allowed to vote for the board members and it's difficult to get younger families out on a Sunday afternoon.
The newsletter came out this week and there was my name along with five other names. There are five open positions. Even with my realtor acting as my campaign manager and asking aquatic team families for their vote for me, as I sat at the club last night for Wing Night, I told Mr. BBM, "I'm going to lose." I just didn't think that enough people knew who I was or cared enough to come out and vote. How sad it would be if I'm the only one to NOT get elected.
And then my attitude changed.
One of my neighbors down the street, who knows a lot of people at the club, walked out of the bar area and into the dining room and told me she was excited I was running. Then a couple other people said something to me about seeing my name in the newsletter and running. Then I heard that a new friend of mine was talking about me running at a neighborhood breakfast that took place yesterday morning (Thank you A!). And let me just tell you, if this lady is talking about me, people are going to hear about me. I started to feel a little more confident about actually getting elected.
I have a little over a month until elections happen, and I've decided that I need to put in as much face time as possible at the club. I need to get to know the people who don't know me and tell them some of my ideas. If I can be the social coordinator for the dojo and throw cool parties, there's no reason why I can't extend that into a Board of Directors position.
Anyone want to join my campaign? Do you have any suggestions for me on how to get elected? Let's hear your ideas!
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