September 2, 2007
If this Post Doesn’t Bring in the Crazy Googlers, I Don’t Know What Will
When I was in 5th grade, giving short drops to girls during recess was a favorite past time of the boys in my grade. For those who are not aware (and oh how lucky you are), a short drop is when someone comes up behind you and pulls your pants down to your ankles. It’s so not cool.
For weeks I had watched this terrible deed happen to my friends, and spent much of recess watching my back. And then one day, out of nowhere came a little punk, who grabbed my pants and ripped them down around my ankles. Thankfully, my underwear didn’t go along for the ride; but that didn’t mean I wasn’t completely humiliated. I spent weeks feeling horrified and embarrassed. My classmates had seen my underwear and it was awful.
Unlike many of the girls who didn’t report it, I made it my business to make sure that my short-dropper got the business, and he did.
Fast forward 22 years. . .
Mr. BBM got free Hershey Park passes for the entire weekend, so we took the girls and brought along our swimsuits since there’s a new water park called "The Boardwalk." Big I and I took a whirl down the "Whirlwind" which was the most amazingly awesome water slide I have ever been on (It’s the big yellow and blue one if you click the link and take a look). Mr. BBM then took his turn with Big I while Lil C and I explored.
It was during our exploring that we saw "The Waverider." If you’d like to see The Waverider in action, go here and click on Podcast 2. Go explore-I’ll wait. Come back because you won’t want to miss this.
(Tapping foot patiently.) Ready now? Good.
Lil C and I spent a ton of time just watching the surfers. It was awesome! There were tons of wipe-outs, an occasional seemingly pro surfer, and lots of in-betweens. I told Big I we just had to try it.
We waited in line for an hour. My original plan was to hang out in line with Big I and then skip it myself, but Big I kept insisting that I give it a try. Big I went first.
I have to be honest; I was super worried. I had watched kids her size get slammed back into the wall at the top of the ride. I had watched kids lose the board and literally eat the wave. Instead of wiping out, Big I rode that wave like a champion.
During her ride, the lifeguards decided to have a conversation about something, and she continued to ride that wave like an absolute pro for far longer than anyone previously had done.
At one point, she even turned around to smile at me as I stood watching her at the top of the wave. She was absolutely stunning and didn’t wipe out once. I was super proud of her, but she was a tough act to follow!
A couple VIP’s cut in line, so by the time it was my turn, I was super hot and wanted to take a dip anyway. I decided I’d try surfing for the very first time. The guy who went in front of me lost his swimming trunks completely and ended up standing at the bottom of the wave in only boxer shorts, so I figured there was no way I could do worse than that.
Here, the lifeguard is giving me instructions.
It went something like this:
Lifeguard: Have you ever done this before?
Me: No.
Lifeguard: (handing me the board) Well, you hold on up here, tight. You stand on the star at the top of the wave and aim for the star at the opposite side of the bottom of the wave. If you want to go left, you lean left. If you want to go right, you lean right.
Me: O.k. but let’s get to the most important thing here. What happens if I have a wardrobe malfunction?
Lifeguard: Ma’am, that’s what the blankets are for. (He gestures towards the two blankets beside him-visible in the above photo.) I’ll cover you up.
Me: Promise?
Lifeguard: (With a completely straight face) Yes.
So, with much trepidation I took that board and walked to the star at the top of the wave. I watched all these kids go diving onto that wave with ease. I wasn’t sure I could be so graceful, but there was a line, so no time like the present.
I took the leap and surfed to the bottom of the wave.
The jets pushed me back up, and it was AMAZING! I was doing it! It was working! I lifted up the front of the board a bit and rode the waves with ease. I leaned left and slid across the wave. I leaned right and slid back to the other side. I wasn’t wiping out like the other people. I contemplated trying to spin or even get up on my knees. I wanted that "Look Ma, no HANDS" moment!
Then, the unthinkable happened. A jet of water hit the exact angle it needed to in order to dislodge my swimsuit, and within seconds I felt my bottoms. . . going south. There were TONS of people standing around the waverider area. There were men, women and children in line to my left. There was a crowd of on-lookers in front of me, another crowd to the right of me. . . and OH MY GOD. . . those people have a viewing angle from ABOVE me, which means. . .
ahhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Don’t you just know it that Mr. BBM would be all Johnny-on-the-spot with an opportune photo too! GRR!)
(Just so we’re clear, everyone who visits this site has an IP address. If you visit often, and/or have ever left a comment here, I know your IP address, which means I know when you’re here, how often you’re here, and exactly what you’re looking at while you’re here. Don’t believe me? Go visit Statcounter and see for yourself. Yes, you may think you’re stalking me unbeknownst to me; but actually I’m hip to your stalkerishness. You know how that creepy little kid in the movie sees "dead people"? Well, I see you. If you should attempt to click on the above picture, remove the strategically placed symbol in any way, or somehow blow up said picture, I will totally know about it. So do me a favor and just continue reading. . . Thank you.)
And now, back to our regularly scheduled program. . .
I reached back with my hand to keep my bottoms from ending up around my ankles. I caught them, but the reach did nothing for my balance of the board. The next thing I knew, the board went flying out from underneath my partially naked butt, back up to the top of the waverider. And then, my body did the only thing it could do. The powerful jets flipped me onto my back and I rode, Teletubby style right up the wave to where I had started. The water at the top of the wave was intense and started pulling my top down as well. I held on to my bottoms for dear life with my left hand, secured my top with my right hand and stayed there, flat on my back in the rapids, until I was sure I was covered back up again.
People were laughing (totally not at me people, with me, with me I tell you). I stood up, and there was the emotionally unavailable, non-blanket wielding lifeguard telling me I had another turn.
"DUDE! Where was the blanket??? Huh? You’re totally not doing your job!" I hissed at him while I continued to fix my disheveled swimsuit. "If I go again, are you going to do your job this time and cover me up???"
His face was completely unchanged as he said, "Yes Ma’am" and handed me the board that had been so violently removed from underneath me. People who call me "Ma’am" bother me greatly; but people who promise to cover up my butt and don’t follow through with said promise totally take the cake in the category of bothersome.
What’s a girl to do? Had this been 22 years ago, a devastated 5th grade BBM probably would have gone to cry in the bathroom. "Hershey Park just saw my butt! Waahhh!!!" But I couldn’t go out on that note, so I dove onto the wave again, and this time surfed flawlessly until my turn was over. Instead of ending my ride with a nudity-inducing wipe-out, this time I leaned to the left and surfed over to the safety of the padded wall and non-jetted water where I was able to get out with my dignity in tact.
Mr. BBM said that the consensus of the crowd was that I had been "good." There was no shortage of kids, especially boys, giving the waverider a try. I definitely think I got some cool Mom points today.
As I made my way out of the ride, there was some cheering. A couple little boys told me I was "awesome." (Geez, it’s practically becoming a trend.) Of course, we’ll never know if they were talking about my surfing skills or my butt; but either way, it was a compliment and I’m taking it.
August 31, 2007
Mixed Bag of Results
The minute I saw Big I’s face when I picked her up from school, I knew I wasn’t going to get a good report. She looked tired, deflated, and just plain sad. She started crying before we reached the car. The day was too long, she missed me and Lil C too much, and she just wasn’t going back to do that again.
We eventually got to the good stuff. Her teacher is nice. She had fun seeing her friends again. Lunch wasn’t so bad. There were two recesses (Man, who wouldn’t love that???). She’ll get used to it. She was like this last year with Kindergarten. First grade is going to take some getting used to as well. I’m really happy she has a four day weekend, and that next week is another short week. She needs a gradual introduction to this all day business (and to be honest, so do I). I must say though, that I held up way better than I did last year. I had a teary moment or two, but that was it. At least one of us made it through the day without full on tears.
After a couple hours of decompressing, Big I and I made our way to our new dojo. It only took us about eight minutes to get there (during traffic-I’m so loving the shorter commute), so we were early. We stood outside and talked about what we thought it was going to be like. Big I was excited, but nervous. I was feeling the same.
Then, a fabulous looking motorcycle drove into the parking lot and there was our new teacher (an impressive 9th degree black belt even without the motorcycle entrance). With such an outstanding entrance, Big I was already losing her nerves. "Is that my teacher?" she asked excitedly. Once inside, she was also very floored by the various pictures on the walls of our new teachers from magazines, newspaper articles, etc. I explained who they all were, and she marveled, "Wow! They’re famous!"
We changed, got situated, were introduced and then started our work out, and a work out it was. There were a couple hundred kicks (from a ground-fighting position which was new to us and pretty cool). Yes, I will be paying for those cool kicks tomorrow. The muscles are already starting to complain a bit.
The higher ranks separated and did kata while Big I stayed with the lower ranks and worked on something else. I don’t know what they were doing because I was concentrating on my own stuff; but I do know that she excitedly talked to me about seeing how to break that "muscle" which most people know as the collar bone on the way home. I informed her that it’s actually a bone, for future reference. That only increased the excitement.
At the end of the two hours, I’m pretty sure there was steam rising from my head, and my gi. . . well, it needs to be washed and badly. It was a great work out and a fun night. It felt awesome to be back in karate class again. I’m happy to say that my neck seems to have held up pretty well. I’m sure I’ll have some soreness tomorrow, but that’s to be expected as I continue to heal.
Big I and I spent the drive home discussing our new dojo, and it’s quite obvious that she does not have the reservations about our new karate school that she obviously has about first grade. It seems that Big I and I will fit in there quite well. It already felt very comfortable. Today may have been a bit shaky with the first grade business; but tonight was an overwhelming success.
To all my regular commenters, comment moderation has been turned on until the spammers decide to give up. I got some of the most insane spam comments the other day and it just needs to stop. So, sorry about the delay in seeing your comments up there; but they will all get up there eventually as long as you’re not trying to get me to transfer funds from Africa or something. I appreciate all of your comments and will give you free reign soon. Promise.
Also, one of my fabulous readers along with her "zoo" is walking for the Humane Society. If you’d like to contribute to her efforts, go here. You can also click the link in the sidebar.
August 30, 2007
Bring the DRAMA
If you know me personally, you know that I am not a morning person. I find no joy in seeing a good sunrise. I’d much rather be looking at the inside of my eyelids. When I was in college, I was frequently a no-show at any classes that started before 10 11 12, which is why I scheduled once a week three-hour long night classes instead whenever I could. Night I can do; morning I can not.
Knowing this, you can appreciate the fact that I was up at 6:50 a.m. this morning for Big I’s first day of school. By 7 a.m. I was dressed and my hair was actually brushed. That kind of action doesn’t usually happen until around noon. Hair brushing and college classes have the same standards.
At 7 a.m. I woke up a teary and very nervous Big I, helped her get a shower and blow dried her hair for her. By 7:35 a.m. the girls and I had eaten a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast and we were out the door by 7: 39 a.m. in order to be about seven minutes early for the bus.
Last year, I drove Big I to school every day. This year, we decided we’d give the bus a try in the morning and I would pick her up in the afternoon. So, there we were, standing at the bus stop. Big I was pacing nervously and breaking out into the occasional jumping jack to ease the nerves. Lil C was standing there in her jammies and croc’s nibbling on a piece of toast. . . and there was no bus to be found.
I forgot to bring my cell phone to the bus stop so I didn’t know what time it was, but I was starting to get nervous. Some landscaper guys pulled up nearby and I yelled to them and asked them what time it was.
8:00 a.m. on the dot.
WHAT????
The kids line up at 8:05 to go up to their classrooms. Obviously the bus was not coming.
We ran to the car and I drove like a maniac to get to school. As I was getting the girls out, Big I’s bus pulled up. I walked over and said, "Hi, you were supposed to pick my daughter up this morning and you didn’t." She smiled, and then said "Oh, where do you live?" I told her, and she said, "Oh, I forgot about that stop today. I’ll be there next week. Sorry about that."
WHAT????
How do you just forget about a stop? What if I didn’t have a car? Big I would have missed her first day!?! I’m thinking this whole bus riding thing just might not happen. Thank God she’s not riding the bus home. What if the driver just "forgot about that stop" and never brought her home?
So, we ran inside the school. There were crying Mom’s. I’ve SO been there. There were crying kids who were refusing to go to their class (all Kindergarten boys); and there was mass confusion. Despite the fact that Big I packed her lunch today, they made her get in the lunch token line just so she "gets used to it." While in line behind about 20 first graders, they called her class to line up. The class lined up and left.
Eventually, Big I made her way through the token line, and found her way over to the other lost first graders. They made their way up the stairs and I certainly hope she made her way to her classroom. The good thing is that with all the chaos, she didn’t even have a chance to be upset or nervous at school. I’m just hoping that when I pick her up today, she is all smiles, like she was yesterday lounging with her sister.
Only 1 hour and 43 minutes until I’ll find out.
Yeah, I’m missing her terribly.
August 29, 2007
New Beginnings
Today was the last day of summer vacation for Big I. We spent the day having a picnic in the park by ourselves (since everyone else started school days ago), skipping stones across the creek, and taking about 4000 slides down the sliding board. We also traumatized Lil C a bit by making her go down a big tunnel slide.
Tomorrow, Big I will go to first grade. It seems like just yesterday that I was sobbing my way through her first morning at Kindergarten. I’m hoping I can hold it together tomorrow, because she is beyond nervous. She’s excited that she’ll be in class with her best friend, but the whole staying through lunch thing is just really bothering her right now. I think I’ll be packing a bit of chocolate in her lunch box tomorrow, because we all know chocolate is a cure-all. Something tells me that recess will be as well.
I’m also a little worried about Lil C. The girls are constantly disappearing to play dress up during lazy afternoons, and have made a fort a day in the living room. Without Big I around to entertain her, that job falls to me. I’m going to have to tune up my fort making skills pronto and figure out how I’m going to fit in a size 5 Cinderella dress. It’s going to be a rough transition for me and Lil C without our event director around during the day.
Tomorrow isn’t the only new beginning for us. Tomorrow night, Big I and I will venture out for our very first night at our new karate school. I got the o.k. for kata and basic’s last week from my doctor. I’m still not allowed to have any contact that’s going to jar my neck and no one is allowed to throw me; but that is temporary (probably for the next month) and then I’ll be back as good as new. Most of the neck soreness is gone, although I realize that it’s going to take some time to build up that crazy damaged muscle in there to where it was before.
Due to some circumstances out of our control, continuing to go to our original school became impossible. Because our former karate school approved a transfer, Big I and I are able to stay within our original federation, which means we’ll be able to keep our rank and have a much easier transition. It’s also a much shorter commute; and I have a babysitter super close for nights when Mr. BBM’s schedule and karate are just not meshing (which is pretty much always).
I already know a lot of the people there, having met them at the past two training camps, so I’m very excited. Big I is pretty excited too. She actually began telling me she was missing karate last week, so it seems like a short absence made the heart grow fonder. That can only be a good thing. It’s going to be exciting to see what kind of progress she makes now that she’s feeling motivated.
I’m going to really miss some people at my old dojo. There’s a little girl who was going to be testing for Shodan with me. She’s a sweetheart with great skill. There’s another man, a Shodan, who was always a fabulous partner and great lunch pal at training camps. He was also a paramedic who watched me nervously when I was 34 weeks pregnant with Lil C and still trying to keep up with class. I knew I was in good hands in case I went into labor early though. That statement made him even more nervous!
There are also some fabulous little kids there who I loved watching progress; and a brother and sister Shodan duo who were always willing to jump back out on the floor and help get me unstuck on kata’s. I also had some great instructors there: one who helped me graduate from foam to wooden nunchaku after much mental counseling and encouragement, ones who spent extra time helping me when I was stuck or frustrated, one who helped me rid my apologetic ways from karate, and those who instilled the love of karate in me from day one. I truly made some great friends there.
I certainly won’t forget where I came from, but I am excited about where I am going. The instructors where I’m going are excellent. I know because I spent time learning from them at training camps in the past. There are 9th, 8th, 7th and 4th degree black belts who teach there (there may be others, but those are the ones I know of right now). I am sure that Big I and I will be in good hands there, and we’re excited to begin our new adventure.
As far as I know, I think I should still be o.k. for Shodan testing in February. Of course, that will be up to my new instructors; but thankfully the neck injury was now and not closer to testing. If it had to happen, it was a good time for it.
So this blog will now probably head back to its karate roots. My summer of tentatively nursing a neck back to health has come to an end. Let the new school adventures begin. . .
August 27, 2007
Rehab
This weekend was just the rehabilitation that any stay-at-home Mom needs. I spent the afternoon sitting in a beach chair, watching the waves, surrounded by good friends, good conversation, and good entertainment. . . .like this for example. . . a self-burial job:
Did you know that British men can turn into leprechauns? I sure didn’t. After this little beach stunt, "RV" (the very cool new husband of my very cool friend) went running off to the sea because he said he had, "sand in me pants." You gotta love the British sayings and accent. It’s just so darn cute. Here’s the very happy couple with a bit less sand. . .
After the beach, we had some refreshing drinks on the porch, before being picked up by some crazy cab driver to go to dinner. We went to a very nice restaurant called "Mia" inside one of the resorts nearby.
This is one of the four servers we had while in the restaurant.
Sheila was awesome, right up until she brought the check and I almost passed out. Can’t read it? It says that the gratuity is $77.48. The total check amount was $493.48.
This restaurant marks the very first time that I spent that amount of money on dinner, but still left hungry. My dinner consisted of about three slices of chicken and two tablespoons of lobster risotto. It was fabulous, but may have been more suited for a little leprechaun (who, by the way, happened to come along for the night out).
We then made our way down the boardwalk to a comedy club. Heels and boardwalks don’t really mesh well, so a couple of the girls and I negotiated a good rate on this "royal rolling cart." The first guy didn’t want to take four of us and was asking for a ridiculous rate, so we huffed off with attitude and were chased down by this lovely man Ali from Turkey who truly got a workout pushing the four of us down the boardwalk. I include the "before" picture of Ali because afterwards he was in need of some CPR, fluids, etc.
Since we didn’t arrive early enough at the comedy show, (and also probably because we were WAY younger than the median as far as the audience went), we were seated in stadium like seating with leprechauns in mind (Are you sensing a theme here?). We spent much of the comedy show wiggling around trying to figure out what to do with our legs. Luckily, my shorter friend switched seats with me so I could hang my legs out in the aisle.
When we weren’t wiggling, we were trying to figure out why we weren’t laughing very much. Tickets to the show were pretty expensive, and all three comedians disappointed. When the second comedian starts almost every joke with "I’m from Oklahoma" you know you’re in for a rough night. "RV," the only man in our crew, actually began to shout pleadingly for him to leave the stage, as in "You suck. Get off the stage." There’s a certain charm when you hear a man with a British accent saying those types of things, which probably explains why we didn’t get kicked out.
We should have all joined in the heckling; we certainly all felt the same. But we were hoping for something better with the headliner (I must also state here that although the comedians were a big disappointment, the complimentary popcorn was not).
When the Oklahoma man was finished with his dismal routine, the headliner came out. By this point, we were all feeling tired and not amused in the slightest. The comedian took one look at his audience, noticed all the white hair and proceeded to make almost his entire routine about viagra and cialis. I don’t know about you, but I get enough emails about that stuff. I certainly don’t want to hear about it in a room full of old men. It was just wrong.
We all needed some pumping up. Our choices were to either wait in line for a dance club and pay a $20 cover, or pay nothing and go hang out at the karaoke bar, Planet Rose. Karaoke it was. . .
While it’s fun to watch strangers singing, it’s more fun when it’s someone from your group of people who gets up there. I’m a good friend like that, so I put my name in and recruited my back-up singers and dancers. There was an hour wait, during which time my back-up girls and I warmed up our vocals on "Girls just want to have fun" and "Livin’ on a Prayer." We were ready, and then it was our turn.
I belted out Amy Winehouse’s "Rehab" the best I could (I could have also received a dental exam apparently). My back-up girls did a fabulous job singing the "No, No, No" chorus, and danced like there was no tomorrow.
I’m guessing it was at least a decent performance because I got several high 5’s on stage, and after the performance one very slurred "awesssoomee" from some guy who could hardly open his eyes.
Anyway, I think I have a new karaoke song. If you’re not familiar with the song, here you go:
Here’s another karaoke performance of "Man in the Mirror" by some of the girls in the crew, with some random guys who offered to help out.
I’ve never been out to a place that stays open past 1 or 2 a.m., but this place did and the next thing we knew, it was after 3 a.m.!
We got another crazy cab driver to take us back to the beach house. "RV," being the British gent that he is, grilled up some hot-dogs (I was sort of surprised he wasn’t serving up Lucky Charms) and we all eventually made our way to bed around 4:30 a.m.
We spent the morning eating bagels and rehashing the nights events. I got home yesterday around dinner time after hitting tons of beach traffic on the way home. I didn’t mind though. It gave me plenty of time to work on perfecting "Rehab" in a car with good acoustics.
When are we doing this again???
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