Out of My Hands
I am walking this very fine line today and feel like an absolute crazy person. I can be reduced to tears and a temper tantrum in mere seconds. I'm supposed to have surgery tomorrow. However, my surgeon's office is recommending I cancel the surgery. My options are to either cancel or pay $3,475.00 up front tomorrow. I don't know how many of you have $3,475.00 stuffed in your mattresses, but I don't. I'm lucky if I have $3.00 in my wallet at any given time.
My surgery has been scheduled for weeks. My insurance decided they wouldn't pay for the one part I desperately need, the alloderm to give me back tissue that is long gone, because they deem it "experimental" and "not medically necessary." They decided this last week, which gives me little time to get anything changed, especially since my surgeon was on vacation last week and will only arrive in the office within the next hour or so.
Today, my insurance company told my husband that my surgeon can request a peer to peer review and appeal the decision directly to the medical director. Today, they tell me this. Today. According to them, this wasn't even an option last week.
If they wouldn't have had their non-caring heads stuck up their lazy butts for the past several weeks, then perhaps I would be mentally getting into the surgery zone instead of figuring out how I can refrain from killing someone today.
To me, it's simple. Almost three years of problems need to be fixed now. I waited weeks to get in with this surgeon and weeks to get on his surgery schedule. It's been months since I begrudgingly went back to a surgeon for help. Months. If I cancel now, I won't be able to get back on the schedule for many more weeks. Then I'm back teaching. You can't take time off for surgery when you're an adjunct and teach two days a week. Which means, I have to wait. . . again. . .
I have to wait until I inevitably bump my leg again and the screw cuts me from the inside out, again. I have to wait and walk around with a painful knee for who knows how many more months. I have to wait again.
I could seriously throw my lap top across the room. I am more angry than I have ever been. I am an emotional wreck. Why can't anyone else understand how tired I am of dealing with this? Why can't anyone else understand that waiting is not an option. I am beyond frustrated. I am beyond tired. And I can't help but feeling like there isn't a soul in this world that gives a crap or can help me right now. It is out of my hands, and that is perhaps the worst possible feeling of all.
America’s Most Wanted All Stars
When I first saw that my neighbor, Ray Caraballo, was nominated for an America's Most Wanted contest, I'll admit that I was a little nervous. I mean seriously! America's Most Wanted. . . on my street?
Then I realized it's for the All Stars, as in law enforcement and first responders who go above and beyond the call of duty. And that my friends, is my friend and neighbor Ray.
This is the last week of voting and I can tell you with certainty that there is no better candidate out there than him. Please help him out by voting for him here. There is no registration required. All you need to do is click, enter your email and then read that CAPTCHA thing and type it in. You don't get added to any crazy mailing list either. It's simple and I would be thrilled if you would vote for him. He's an amazing individual and I'm proud to call him my neighbor and friend.
Vote here now!!! http://www.amw.com/allstar/2010/nominee-detail.cfm?id=8593
Best Quote Ever
Last night was the first monthly board meeting that I was able to attend. One of the committees I'm on met at 6:30 and the meeting officially started at 7:30 p.m. We left there around 11 p.m. last night.
I was slightly worried about the direction the meeting was going to go, when during the house meeting, three of the committee members began discussing their burial plans. The debate raged on between cremation, burial and masoleum internment. The only other board member on that committee under the age of 50 and I exchanged horrified glances for a couple minutes before we got back on a less dreary track.
Much to our surprise, the other board member and I were able to convince the house committee of some necessary changes. It was a piece of cake.
The main meeting started and there was much debate and discussion about many things. Some of the comments were downright hysterical and as secretary of the board, I did my best to document everything that was said.
While discussing a touchy subject, I was much surprised when one of the older board members said he sees it like this: "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll only get what you've already got." It set the tone for the rest of the meeting and I was able to successfully ignore the whispered comments from a certain unpleasant much older person sitting nearby who seemed to be irritated that I was taking minutes on my laptop and irritated that many of the people in the room even existed.
It's easy to ignore it when you're getting what you want. All in all, I was surprised at the willingness of some people to want change, and not surprised at the objection to any and all change from a certain few. We've decided to call ourselves the "turnaround board" though and it's going to happen. It's really going to happen and I couldn't be happier about that.
Why I Hate Exercise Videos
Yesterday, Mr. BBM convinced me to do P90X with him. If you don't know what I'm talking about, spend five minutes watching infomercial TV. He's that annoyingly ripped guy who doesn't shut up who looks like he's working out in a dungeon. Yep, that's him.
I know several people who have done it and like it. I'm just not an exercise video type of girl. In fact, that's putting it mildly. I despise exercise videos. The people are always too perfect looking and totally annoying. Plus, they smile a lot when they work out. Who does that? I mean seriously. It's just not realistic. And would it kill them to put a girl in the video who actually looks like she needs to work something off? How about someone who doesn't look carved out of marble? That would be a nice touch.
So, yesterday we got the kids occupied upstairs and moved the coffee table. I told Mr. BBM I could not possibly listen to that main guy talk the whole time so he just put the cues on for when you were supposed to switch exercises. I was still annoyed and I'm fairly certain Mr. BBM could feel my skeptical glares from across the room.
Then, I realized there was someone even more annoying than the main guy. . . the blonde girl. First of all, I should use the word "girl" lightly. She did more pull-ups in that video than I've ever seen a guy do in a single setting. She's practically a man, or actually, more like a robot. She started off in a sweatshirt and quickly unzipped and took it off to reveal a sports bra with a flag on it. Her shorts were too short. Her abs were too tight and frankly, she just made me want to barf. I mean, I guess that's one way to go about weight loss, but it's not exactly a good way.
What it boils down to is this: I don't like videos. The people are too perfect; the bodies too unattainable to make you feel like even trying, and they are all so annoying. Once I saw that woman do pull-ups I felt more like eating a tube of ring bologna than working out. And working out with Mr. BBM is not my favorite thing to do either. When my thighs start to burn after 1000 squats, I feel like screaming at him that his form is all wrong. When he starts sweating, I start yelling at him to grab a towel so he doesn't drip on my floor.
I would never talk to a trainer like that, which is why I much prefer working out with a trainer over working out with my husband.
After we were done with the video, he told me he enjoyed working out with me. I told him I didn't like it one bit. It's like this. . . when I worked out with my trainer, he could scream at me and push me all he wanted. Sure I was telling him to "sixth letter of the alphabet" off in my head but I'd never say that out loud. I wouldn't want him to think I'm a jerk. Plus, when you're working out with someone you don't know as well, you tend to push yourself a little harder. You don't want him to think you're a wuss or something. However, with Mr. BBM, there's no such courtesy. If he tells me I'm doing something wrong, he better strap on his running shoes because I am coming after him.
With the exception of my trainer, I like to work out alone unless you consider the company in my headphones. And me and P90X? I just don't see us having a productive relationship. I don't find it exactly reconstructed ACL friendly. And as far as Mr. BBM and I working out together goes? Well, unless I put my headphones on so I can block out everyone else, I don't know that it's going to work.
T.I. tells me I can have "whatever I like," and I'm not liking.
Goodbye 2009
2009 was a pretty fantastic year up until December. It marked a year of getting to know my amazing neighborhood as we came out from hibernation in the spring of 2009 and embarked on a fun spring, summer and fall of play dates, parties, and all around good times.
2009 was also the year that I finally achieved Shodan. That day in June stands out as one of the best moments of my life. The culmination of years of hard work, two surgeries and finally success, is a high point, not just for 2009 but for my entire life. However, I ended 2009 much as I started it in regards to my knee. Last January was my second surgery because of bruising and pain. I'm starting 2010 with a lot of bruising once again. That is not how I wanted to start my year. I'm hoping that 2010 will be the year that many of my knee issues are resolved, once and for all.
December brought with it a great vacation to Orlando FL and Lil C's first visit to Disney World. It also brought with it a three day delay in getting back home, a thrown together Christmas that felt more like a marathon and unfortunately, the death of our beloved cat Colby. We are all hoping for good health for our remaining cat Bear in 2010.
Personally, I think resolutions are a good thing. However, they can also be things that fill us with guilt. So, in the interest of avoiding guilt, but making positive changes in my life as well, I have a few. A neighbor of mine made her resolution last year, to moisturize more often. Initially I cracked up laughing and then I thought about it. I should totally make that resolution for myself. Then I realized how difficult it would be to keep up with that one. As much as I'd like to make that resolution as well, I know there's no way I'll be standing in my bathroom each day slathering on lotion. There's nothing quite like the disgusting feeling of pulling on jeans over top of just-lubed up legs. So, I'm going to leave that one to my neighbor, wish her much success, and make some different, more achievable ones for me.
First, I'm making a resolution to be more committed to getting my knee back in shape. I'm going to try to do something active every day, whether it's some ab work with the medicine ball or riding the stationary bike while I watch Flash Forward, I'm making a daily commitment to do something at least once a day.
Second, I'm making a resolution I know I can keep and that's my commitment to the board of directors at our local country club. I've already done some cool things over there and I want to keep the momentum going and continue to come up with new and fun ideas for the club.
Finally, and this will be the most difficult, I want to be a better Mom. I want to exercise more patience and spend more time doing fun things with my kids. If there is one thing I've learned this year, it's that time flies incredibly fast and if we don't take advantage of the time we have with loved ones when we have it, it may not be there tomorrow.
I'd like to wish all of my readers a very Happy New Year! What are some of your resolutions? Why not make one of them to read this blog more regularly? Hit subscribe in the menu above!
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
