Rockstar Recap: Week 3 or WE HAVE TUNES!

July 26, 2006 by Black Belt Mama · 5 Comments
Filed under: Rockstar

Let me preface this by saying that I am very tired. Lil C is popping a new and apparently very painful tooth which means there is lots of drool, crying, fussing, hold-me-mommy constantly, fussing. . . oh, I already said that. . . well, it warrants being said again, and again. . . fussy. Oh, and did I mention ~~her~~ our lack of sleep?

Anyway, tack onto that the fact that I tried to play tennis on my messed up knee for exactly 10 minutes last night before I called it quits and I am paying for those 10 minutes dearly. Somehow I don’t think it’s going to magically heal by the time I need to get my tired behind to karate class this week. This Rockstar Recap will be an accomplishment if I can even spell their names right. So here goes. . .

First of all, WE HAVE TUNES! Gilby, Jason, and Tommy must be reading my blog. There really is no other explanation. They showed up at the potential rockstars’ mansion with actual recorded music that they had made, and recently. And. . . it didn’t suck. I’m actually encouraged. I may start to like this show more and pine for INXS a bit less. A bit, I said. Let’s not get carried away.

So, now that the potential rock stars actually know what kind of music they might be singing to, they have some idea of what songs to pick each week. Well, at least everyone but Zayra does. She’s just out in left field, or actually more like the planet Mars, what with her galactic get-up this week. Without further delay, the rock stars and my professional (lazy) opinion (me so tired. . . yawn). Where was I? Oh yeah:

Lukas: If I don’t look at him, I can sort of like him. The arrangement he did tonight was really cool. He took Cold Play and made it harder. It was interesting to say the least. Go Lukas. Two thumbs up (and then falling down quickly because I’m falling asleep.)

Zayra: Planet Earth to Starship Cluebag, do you read? I must say, the blue sparkly spandex was almost enough to distract me from how lousy her voice was tonight. Zayra, you can sing "Call me" all you want, but I can guarantee Supernova will not be calling you to front their band. That outfit was like Wonder Woman gone wrong, so very terribly wrong.

Patrice: Dave was rude! RUDE, I tell you. Maybe it’s the divorce. Maybe all the black nail polish, eyeliner and hair dye is seeping into his pores and numbing his brain filter. You know the filter that stops you from saying all the rude things you want to say but don’t because they’re, well. . . rude. I don’t think she did poorly at all. Hey, at least she’s consistent even if she doesn’t change it up every week.

Toby: He made me like Billy Idol tonight, and that is a hard thing to do. Every week he shows up with that awesome voice and a killer performance. The only thing scary about his performance this week was the girl in the audience who had her tongue sticking out the entire performance. Her tongue was so insane that when she danced, I think it bounced off of her neck. Put it away girl. Scary.

Jill: I’m not a fan. Even though she sang o.k. tonight, I’m with Gilby on the whole "pelvic thrusting is wrong" thing. I can’t stand when women resort to sex; and I gained brand new respect for Gilby for pointing it out to her.

Magni: I look at him and think Bono from U2. He sounds more like him every week. He just doesn’t jive in my head with the band SuperNova.

Ryan: He brought it. You go boy! He went from vanilla last week to a step up this week. I’ll give him french vanilla.

Dana: I eat my words from last week. Ooh, yummy. Nice job tonight.

Phil: He has entirely too many ticks. He reminds me of one time when I was talking to a boss I had in college. She was showing me how someone talked to her, and she started sort of convulsing. I didn’t realize that she was doing the imitation and I almost started searching for a tongue depressor and reaching for a phone to call an ambulance. He makes me want to call for help. Not a good quality in a rock star.

Dilana: I had so many hits land on my site this week from searching for "Dilana". I got scared. "My GOD! She knows about me," I thought. "She’s coming for me, and no karate can fend off Dilana when she’s angry. . ." or so I imagined. I think she reads my site too. Seriously! Because she sang Cyndi Lauper this week. "Time after Time," is a tame song. She did it so well. It was very sweet, very sincere, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that she’s growing on me. Yep, I said it. "Spawn of Satan" is growing on me.

Josh: He did o.k. I like the bluesy thing Josh brought to the Blind Melon song. I just can’t look at him without thinking that my sister’s boyfriend has suddenly turned into a wanna-be rock star. Weird.

Storm: With all the facial contortions, I can’t watch her. But while I was shielding my face (and probably starting to doze off) Mr. BBM hit the nail on the head. "She’s a skinny Wynonna Judd!"

He’s so right. I like listening; I just can’t watch.

I think I remembered everyone. I think I might have even spelled their names right. If not, you get the idea. Oh, and one more thing. . . Tommy Lee, this is on during prime time. Children might be watching this show. Please, DO NOT wear those jeans and then stand up and raise your arms to the sky. Talk about scary. Don’t you know that ultra low rise jeans are reserved for teenagers with pot bellies? Come on already!

Edited to add: In my complete and utter exhaustion, I forgot to make my predictions. Encore to Dana; bye-bye for the space cadet, Zayra.

And if you made it this far (all two of you who read my blog AND watch Rockstar) go on over to Birth Stories. There are two new stories up. One is by Lydia who is so hysterically funny that whether you are into reading about childbirth or not, you won’t want to miss it. She also sent along pictures of herself. . . DURING THE LABOR. There is one picture that just shows the pain of childbirth so perfectly. If you’re a teenager and you’re thinking how wonderful and romantic it would be to have a baby. . . GO LOOK AT HER FACE IN THAT PICTURE. . . and then wait ten years. The other story is by Kailani and is a short, sweet letter to her baby. Short and sweet because that’s how her labor was-HEY, NOT FAIR! Now, go, get, check them out. I’m going to bed.

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Rockstar Recap with help from Simon

July 19, 2006 by Black Belt Mama · 3 Comments
Filed under: Rockstar

Simon of American Idol had some free time this week. He gave me some advice so that I could bring you this installment of the Rockstar Supernova run down.

Patrice: Although your singing voice is lovely, the skunk thing you’ve got going on with your hair is rather puzzling. No really, I like you Patrice but I think you need to get a new stylist.

Storm: I seriously don’t know what’s worse: Tommy Lee’s sexual comments directed at just about EVERY single female contestant on the show or the fact that the women (most of them anyway) are acting less like they want to front the band and more like groupie I-want-to-sleep-with-you-in-your-trailer trash. Seriously Storm, do you want to front them or . . . well, you know where I’m going with this. She actually told Tommy she had six letters for him and and said "google." All I’ll say about that is this: white linen, shackles, no bra. Storm, the name of the show is "Rockstar Supernova" not "Pornstar Supernova". Then again, you already have the name for it.

But seriously, if they don’t respect you, they’re not going to pick you to front the band. Oh, and don’t think you’re fooling anyone. "Storm Large" isn’t your real name is it? You’re really Jane Krakowski. Do you need any more proof than this?

Lukas: It is not, I repeat NOT, a Robert Smith (The Cure’s lead singer) look-alike contest. I might like your voice if I wasn’t so distracted by your appearance. Are you and Patrice using the same colorist?

Jill: I’m not buying the spit-fire Jill image that she’s trying to portray. Patrice would take her down in a second (Patrice is a martial artist after all). Secondly, I still can’t get that horrific Courtney Love imitation out of my head. I’m betting the only reason the guys are keeping her around is because they’d rather look at her than the guys they’ve left go so far.

Ryan: Vanilla. He seems like a nice guy; he sings well enough. Perfectly forgettable.

Phil: I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that the only reason Jason decided to get up and play the guitar with him is because he only had to watch the back of him. . . much better than being exposed to the unusual facial expressions.

Dana: She’s just bad, like really bad karaoke. And proof that Tommy Lee needs glasses? "You’re so hot," is what he said to her. When she sings. . . so not hot.

Toby: It’s not your fault, sweetheart. Song choice, song choice. That’s all the guys talked about last week. So this week, when they pick the songs that are distributed to the rockers. . . they pick "Runaway Train." Come on already!

Magni: You were good. Forgettable though, if you ask me.

Zayra: "Everybody hurts. . . sometimes. Everybody cries. Everybody hurts. . ." Yeah, especially my ears. The guys liked this but it left me scratching my head and wondering why they would like someone that my husband and I are calling the "Bad Bjork". Maybe Tommy Lee was suffering from a low blood sugar because he actually licked his lips and said, "very yummy."

Jenny: Is that you Natasha? Natasha Beddingfield, shame on you! You already have a successful career. Why do you want to front Supernova? Why?

After she performed her song, the guys stated that they are looking for "Oz Fest," not "Lilith Fair". You picked the songs boys! YOU DID! If you want them to "crush it" as you keep saying, then give them some songs they can crush already. I have to hand it to her though. When Tommy started with the comments, she cut him off. (She was probably thinking she had better cut him off before he started talking about her "ho-hum." His word, not mine!).

Spawn of Satan. . . I mean, Dilana: There’s something about Dilana that just scares me. Maybe it’s the whole Elvira meets Bride of Frankenstein meets Hot Topic hoodie thing she’s got going on; maybe it’s something else entirely. Do you see what I’m talking about here????

(Dilana, please don’t hurt me.) I have to respect her though, because she is the one woman who when faced with sexual comments from the crew, simply turns her gaze to the next guy instead of standing on the stage fluttering her eyelashes and shaking her hips in a shameless way. She’s selling her marlboro-infused voice, not her sexuality; and you have to respect that even if she does give you nightmares.

And I’m not just saying that because she scares me. . .

Really.

I’m going to take a guess that Dana gets sent packing. . .