Superstar
If you ask Sassy what she wants to be when she grows up, there is absolutely no hesitation. "I'm going to be a superstar!" she says. She lives for her "singin'" lessons each week and would much rather sing Lady Gaga than anything else. This past week, she taught herself "the swim meet song," also known as our National Anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner."
The song went through several transformations before it entered its current form. First, we had a version that went, "the ram ports we watched were so gallantly steaming." Then we added to it, "and the home of the PARADE" which had her voice teacher in a giggle fit.
After many car ride renditions, I think we finally got her to realize that nothing is steaming and that we're talking about the home of the brave, not the parade. But you can see for yourself. . .
If you'd like something a bit more contemporary, you might enjoy this rendition of Lady Gaga, complete with gutteral-like growling. . .
And finally, if you're more into Ke$ha, you might enjoy this rendition of "Tik Tok."
Have a great weekend! Something tells me mine will be full of music. . .
Happy Birthday to Mini Me
When I was pregnant with Lil C, I was ecstatic but I also wanted her out as soon as possible. I was a gestational diabetic and I felt that every day that she was inside of me was pushing me closer to becoming a Type 1 Diabetic, which is exactly what happened to my Mom when she was pregnant with my sister.
I wondered how I'd ever love a second baby as much as I already loved my first. I thought about how my little sister used to knock down my blocks and drive me insane and I worried for Big I. I worried for myself. Did I have the capacity to love another child the way I already loved my first, especially after all she put me through during the pregnancy?
But I shouldn't have worried for a second. Lil C came into this world and I fell in love, head over heels in love. She was born looking like neither of us, but she was cute. So ridiculously cute. I remember taking her home the day I had her and walking around my bedroom with her. I caught a glimpse of myself in my bathroom mirror, Lil C curled up on my shoulder. It seemed like she fit into an eight inch space as she cuddled into me. I remember thinking, "Freeze this moment. Don't ever forget this. . . " and I haven't.
I can't believe it's been five years since that day now. My daughter, who looked like no one, turned into a little clone of me in no time. What's funny is that she looks like me now, not like what I looked like as a child. And she's like me in more ways than just appearance. She has grown into a smart and feisty little girl who doesn't take crap from anyone. She loves to sing and dance and that girl can totally bust a move (just like her mama). She'd rather sing "Bad Romance," "Alejandro," or "Like a G6" any day of the week over those silly preschool songs.
Any adult who meets her remarks that she has quite the personality for someone so young. She practically oozes it and that's not always a good thing. She'll tell you your hair looks messy in a heartbeat and if you need to take a shower, she'll also be happy to point that out as well. She's told men with long hair in shopping lines that they look like girls, and she's reassured her mommy "Your butt is not big like hers mommy. You have a nice butt" in public and loudly.
And this kid is affectionate like no other I have ever met. She "queezes" you and tells you she loves you 100 times a day and she means it. This fall, it was challenging for me to give her up to preschool three mornings a week, because until now I've had her all to myself and I have enjoyed that immensely. She's the only one in the family who volunteers to help me fold laundry. She thinks making beds is fun and she is completely ticked off if she doesn't get to help make dinner.
She is, in a word, amazing. . . she is now five years old.
Happy Birthday to my Lil C. I'm soon going to have to do something about the "Lil" part of her name, because she is getting SO big. In fact, in honor of her 5th birthday, Lil C is getting a new blog name. We'll call her "Sassy."
Not Ready for This
Filed under: Growing Pains, Mental Strain for Mama
Friday was Lil C's Preschool Open House. She got to bring her favorite person with her (me) and it only lasted for an hour. Even then, she was a bit tentative and nervous. When we came home, I asked her why she wanted to sit with me and eat her snack instead of with the other kids. She said, "Because I just love you Mommy."
At dinner on Friday night, she told Mr. BBM that Preschool was fun, but that she wasn't digging the clean up song her teacher sang when it was time to put the Play-Dough away. "It freaked me out," she told Mr. BBM. For a second, I thought Mr. BBM would blow his dinner right out his nose. He composed himself and asked her, "Why?"
"That's really a baby song," she said, "and I am NOT a baby." The look she gave the teacher when she started singing that song said all of that and more.
To be honest, Lil C did seem a bit more grown up than some of the other kids. After all, she has an October birthday. One little girl in her class just turned four this past weekend. Lil C turns five in just a few weeks. As they were sitting around the table eating their snacks, some of the kids were making silly faces at each other and acting goofy. She sat there and gave them the evil eye, the same one I used to give my 6th grade teacher according to my report card.
Lil C has always been more comfortable around adults than she is with other kids. She getsme and I get her. She talks to my physical therapists as if she's their best friend. She communicates with my surgeon with more frankness than I do. At the few larger play dates we've attended, she chose to sit with the moms instead of going off to play with the kids. This year, she decided she doesn't want to have a big birthday party like she did last year. She said she wants us to take her to the zoo instead. "Last year was crazy," she said, "there were just too many people."
All weekend long, she said she didn't want to go to school. She said she was scared and she just wanted to stay home with me. This morning, it was even worse. We got her dressed and fed and ready to go and she just stood at the door. "I really don't want to go," she said.
The entire drive there she complained too, and when I opened up the car door for her to get out, she stayed glued to her seat. Eventually, she came out, but she clung to me like saran wrap as we walked through the doors. Her steps slowed and her feet shuffled as we got closer to her classroom. It felt like she added 20 more pounds to her little self as she leaned away from the door.
The other kids sat around a carpet and played but she stood near me and continued to chant like a mantra, "I don't want to stay here." The teachers told us to come across the hall and pick out a toy to play with. I saw play cupcakes and cookies and knew she would love that. We carried the toys back to the room and set them down. Instantly, they were gone. Some little girl with the same name as my junior high arch nemesis scooped them up and was off. Another little girl grabbed most of the cupcakes. They were like toy vultures, and it certainly didn't help things.
I told her to take that spatula and go get some of those cookies, and thought in my head that those kids are going to be in for it in a couple weeks when she's being herself. Then I leaned down and hugged and kissed her, and told her I was going to go wait in the lobby for her. That's when the tears started. I told the teacher I didn't know what to do and she said gently, "Just go. It's ok." Lil C reached out for my arm and started to execute a full out sprint towards me that was intercepted by her teacher. I told her I loved her and walked out of the room. She wasn't the only one crying.
If there is one thing I know this morning, it's that my kids have grown up way too fast. Lil C wasn't ready this morning, and I can't blame her. I'm not ready either.
How To Teach Your Kids Stranger Safety
How do you teach your kids stranger safety without scaring them?
We've all seen the news and terrible things about child abduction. A lot of people get the attitude that they have when they were teenagers themselves. "It can't happen to me." "It can't happen in this neighborhood." "It can't happen to my child."
I bet that's what Jaycee Duggard's parents thought too. . .
It's a scary thought.
After many years of martial arts training, and after hearing many horror stories, and then having two daughters…talk about stressed out.
Shortly after we moved into our neighborhood, my daughter took off on her bike down the street and around the corner. She didn't come back as soon as I would have liked her to round that corner and I was a wreck. Here, she had decided to go around the block and while I was walking down the street to find her, she pulled her bike in the garage and went inside. I didn't know it and I started searching frantically. Several neighbors were outside and I began yelling to them and asking them if they had seen her. In my head were images of a car pulling up beside her and throwing her and her bike in the trunk. I was sick about it.
My one neighbor, recognizing my panic, yelled across the street to me, "It's a safe neighborhood. That's why we moved here." She was trying to be nice and calm me down, but all I could think was "Yeah, it's safe until it's not anymore." I didn't want to be the first person to break the unsafe ice.
When I went back in to recruit my husband to help me in my search, I found her sitting on the sofa watching the Disney Channel. I wanted to kill her and rejoice with relief all at the same time. Since then, I've taught my daughters to stay within view of me (although my 9-year old is enjoying greater freedom these days which is a whole other scary issue). But how does one go about teaching children about stranger safety without scaring them half to death? And how does one teach a child that the biggest threat they face isn't necessarily from a stranger, but rather from someone your child already knows? Over 95% of bad things that happen to kids are perpetrated by someone your child already knows.
Most often, people who intend to do your child harm will start a "grooming process" where they gradually build up your child's trust in them. This can come in the form of allowing your child to do something that you might not allow them to do. They also work on the comfort level of the parent so that parents trust these people as well. The Safety Kids instructor at my dojo, D. Nowicki, strongly recommends that every parent read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker. A mastermind of the human psyche (both victim and predator mentality), his book "The Gift of Fear" is a must-read as well.
There is a fine line between scaring them so much that they can't sleep at night and not telling them enough to be safe. Parents have to find a happy medium.
At my dojo, they teach a class called "Safety Kids." By combining fun and games, kata and self defense, and some basic stranger safety skills, it is introduced in a safe and non-scary environment while still getting the point across. But not everyone has a Safety Kids program nearby.
So here are a couple pointers for parents that I've found really work with my kids, and I've seen it work in the Safety Kids program that my daughter did for several years. . .
First, teach them this rule that has no exceptions: "Ask first before you go anywhere with anyone for any reason. And if you can't ask first, the answer is NO!" D. Nowicki says this: "Predators need privacy to do their dirty work. You are your child's best defense. Your child needs to check with an adult that is in charge of them. At home it is you (parents); at school it is their teacher; after school it may be a babysitter or Grandma. If your neighbor comes into your yard and asks your child to help him get something out of the car, even though he may have done it a thousand times before, he still needs to come check with you first."
Second, teach your kids your first and last name. In a department store of screaming children and desensitized parents, if your child knows to yell your first and last name, you'll hear them faster than if they're just yelling "Mommy!" Think about how many Moms are in the store at one time! If you explain it to your children in this way, they're more likely to remember to yell your real name. It can be presented in a less scary fashion too. "Hey sweetie, if you lose Mommy around the clothing racks, yell my first and last name so I'm sure to hear you. Let's practice!" Practicing is key to making sure they remember to do it! Role play is a wonderful thing.
While we're on the topic of "lost in the store," another thing you can tell your child is to "glue their feet to the floor." Kids love to pretend crazy things like this anyway, and this is a great tool to keep them from wandering even further out of range. If they stay put, you'll find them faster! Although it seems unlikely that your child would do this, in a panic you just never know, so tell them to NEVER leave the store. If someone comes to their aid as they're standing in one place and yelling your first and last name, your child can tell them to find you.
Third, at Safety Kids, they always teach kids to take a giant step back when a stranger talks to them. Martial artists know how crucial it is to establish space when being confronted by someone in a threatening way. It's no different with children. That casual step back could mean the difference between someone grabbing them or not. Teaching your children to keep some space between them and other people is a good idea. You can teach your kids to take that step back without scaring them, by simply telling that that establishing space between themselves and people they don't know is a good idea. They don't have to imagine all the things parents do in their heads. If you repeat this rule enough and practice it with them, they'll remember it.
Fourth, warn them about people who may seem nice ("Can you help me find my lost puppy? Would you like some candy?) by telling them that it's not safe to take anything from strangers and that if there's a lost puppy, they should come and tell an adult they know and trust instead of searching for it on their own. Other things predators might do or say: asking for directions, asking for help unloading a van, or even asking for help getting a book at the library when the person is on crutches (This technique was used successfully by Ted Bundy). Things you can teach them are the following: Adults don't need help from children. They get help from other adults. If an adult asks your child for help, then your child should come find you so you can help. The other important thing to tell your child (and this goes for bullying at school too), is that no one has the right to touch you, move you, or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. The best way to get someone to stop is to say, "Stop or I'll tell." D. Nowicki says "predators go for the weak. The thing they fear is being discovered." And remind your child that they should tell whether the person stops or not.
With women's self defense classes, we teach "Avoid, Escape, Report," and with children, we teach "Say No, Get Away, Tell Someone." It's crucial that your child tells someone until they find someone who believes them.
Finally, it's important to teach your children the best people to ask if they need help. Statistically speaking, the best person to ask is a woman. Sorry guys, but 95% of predators are men, not women. If you're out somewhere and you need to ask a stranger for help, you have a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a predator come to your aid. However, if you choose the stranger to ask for help, your odds get a lot better. You have a 1 in 100,000,000 chance of asking a predator for help. You're more likely to have a winning lottery ticket and get struck by lightening while wearing socks that don't match on a Tuesday, says D. Nowicki. When you need help, talking to a stranger can be the right thing to do. Kids need to know that strangers aren't always bad people, but rather just people they don't know.
If your child is lost in a store and needs to ask for help, their best bet is to ask a Mom who has other kids with her. Statistically speaking, their next best bet is to ask any other woman for help. D. Nowicki suggests walking around a big store with your kids and asking them who they would ask for help if they couldn't find you. Let them make smart choices and have them explain their answer. Then let them try asking that person what time it is with you nearby. You can teach them that not all stranger interaction is a bad thing. They just need to do it in a smart way.
Culturally, women are brought up to be nice and children are raised to respect their elders. It's important to teach them that it's ok to say "no" to an adult and that they don't have to do what an adult wants them to do just because that person is an adult.
Last but definitely not least is an important fact. Sometimes a little bit of fear drives the point home in just the right way. There are scary things happening in the world around us at times, and it's just not possible to shelter your kids from everything, all the time. We teach them not to chase their ball into the street because cars might be coming. They know what can happen if they chase that ball without looking first. If they run into the street, they could get hit and hurt, or even worse. If a child is having a particularly difficult time following that rule, as parents, we ramp it up and infuse a little fear. It's not always a bad thing to introduce fear. It's just important that you do it in the right way.
For more information on keeping your children safe, visit the Safety Kids website. Thank you to D. Nowicki, the Safety Kids teacher at my dojo, for a wealth of help with this post.
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Foreshadowing Different
Last week, we had a play date at our house. One of the Mom's saw a fleece blanket that was passed down to Lil C from Big I and she held it up and started telling me about the story the blanket is based on. Apparently, there's a book out there and the whole theme is that it's ok to be different. The Mom started saying some of the lines from the book. "It's ok to have crazy hair." "It's ok to wear glasses." etc. Big I received the blanket as a gift from her grandfather years ago, but I just thought it was a random blanket. I had no idea about the story behind it. I had no idea it was about to foreshadow our weekend.
Flash forward to this past weekend.
We had a birthday party to go to for a 5-year old on the street. She loves fashion so she had a fashion themed birthday party. The Mom went all out and created a dressing room and a run-way. There were two fashion shows during the course of the party. It was a lot of fun.
Both of my girls brought two outfits to change into and of course, they were both princess or fairy costumes. They were having a fantastic time.
It was after the second fashion show though, that I noticed that Big I was not being herself. I took her back in the dressing area to help her change and she was obviously upset about something. She didn't want to tell me, but I kind of forced it out of her. Apparently, she was being made fun of by a couple other girls who are around her age. She saw them pointing at her and laughing from the corner as she danced on the runway with another 5-year old friend of hers. She also heard them saying how "babyish" she was for dancing with the little kids and for wearing a Jasmine costume. This taunting continued throughout the party. Another kid told her she dances weird, but that didn't stop her from continuing to dance with her friends. She tried to shake it off and most people would not have known anything was wrong, but when we got home, she was clearly bothered.
The reason she was being picked on is the exact reason why Moms on this street love Big I. Although a 3rd grader, she can instantly transform herself into the perfect play date, no matter what. One day she'll be building an airplane out of tunnels, tubes and a play globe. The next day, she's a pirate on a play set ship. What's so cool about her is that she can get everyone involved in her different scenarios and everyone seems to have a good time. She plays with kids on our street that range in age from a couple months old to a 7th grader; and she gets along with all of them equally well. She is a neat kid, and I'm not just saying that because I brought her into this world. Ask anyone who knows her; they'll tell you the same.
I know how it feels to be picked on. What girl doesn't know this feeling at some point in their lives? And girls, they can be brutal. So I knew we had to talk about it.
I sat Big I on the sofa with me last night and put my arms around her. I told her about how much other kids love her, and how their parents do too. I told her not to get caught up in what other people think about her. I told her that the only thing that matters is what kind of person she is and how she feels about herself. I asked her if she had a good time, and she did. I asked her if she thought it would be more fun to dance with the little kids or sit in the corner and make fun of people. She picked dancing. I asked her if she thought it would be more fun to dance (even if you do dance a little weird) or sit in the corner and make fun of other people dancing. She chose dancing. I told her she has her whole life to grow up and act grown-up and that if she likes dressing up and playing with the little kids, she should do that for as long as possible. I gave her a hug that I hoped would squash all those yucky feelings and told her to think about what a good time she had with her little friends. Personally, I am thrilled that my daughter acts her young age of eight. Kids grow up entirely too fast these days.
This morning, I sent her off to school wearing a witch hat because it's crazy hat day. There wasn't a single other kid wearing a hat at the bus stop, but she walked up there with her two foot high hat on with a smile on her face. She loves spirit week.
When I came back inside, I found a little sign she had made last night. She took foam fish and dolphins and other sea creatures and made them look different. She drew hair on the one fish and lines on the one dolphin. She then wrote on it, "Different is Good!"
She is so very right. Different is good.
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