Christmas List
Filed under: ACL Hell, Holiday Fun, Mental Strain for Mama
It’s my blog so I can say "Christmas" not "Holiday." Any complaints can be emailed directly to yourself, because I don’t care to read them so there.
Yes, I’m a little cranky today. Not that I really needed to state that. We are less than a week away from Thanksgiving and I am still on crutches. Know how sick you are of hearing about it? That’s how sick I am of using them. (If you’re a new reader and want to know why I’m on crutches, start here.)
In addition to Lil C’s crutch injury the other day, I almost killed myself while going up the stairs to Big I’s teacher conference yesterday. The steps in the school have this little lip on the end of them and as I moved up one by one, I kept getting caught, which made me lose my balance and teeter backwards a bit. Thankfully I made it up without injury, but coming down was a nerve-wracking experience as well. Luckily, the conference itself was nothing short of wonderful and glowing so that was at least good.
After the conference I went to PT and sadly, had to report to my PT that after my workout on Wednesday, I felt very sore. It wasn’t my muscles either; it was the knee joint itself. Because of my report, he cut out one stretch, and cut my bike time in half. I hate set-backs. He said that much of PT is trial and error so that’s the way it works. He also said that I can cut down to twice a week since he knows I’m doing my exercises at home, and primarily because my co-pay is going to be the end of us.
When I got home, Big I wanted me to write out her Christmas list. I thought it would be a good idea to write a list for all of those that I buy for, 20 total, two additions from last year. My choices as far as Christmas shopping goes are as follows: crutch it around the mall and die of exhaustion and irritation (at all the rude you-know-whats that don’t hold doors for injured people), allow Mr. BBM or Big I to push me around in a wheel chair (NO WAY! What? I have pride issues.), do all of my shopping from the comfort of my own couch via the internet, or make a detailed list including item numbers, prices and descriptions and send Mr. BBM on what will still be a wild goose hunt.
I also wrote a list for myself since I rarely ever do this and after Christmas, I’m always like "Oh man, why didn’t I ask for. . .?" Right now, my list is markedly longer than anyone else’s list and includes the following items: gift cards or clothes from Ann Taylor loft or Ann Taylor, zip-up hoodie and matching pants from ATL or Eddie Bauer (I need cute PT clothes; I’m running out), that military book by Eric Haney (the one that show "The Unit" is based on), Shureido sai (sob, sob, sob-I could at least hold them and look at them), a brand new intact ACL, gift card for Victoria’s Secret, a new Vera Bradley purse, stationary for letter writing, kanji paint set from craft store, thin socks (blacks and blues), a pale yellow Pitt sweatshirt, ginger salad dressing (the kind they serve at hibachi restaurants). . .
You get the idea. I went a little nuts; and I admit that I’m sort of unrealistic about some things.
In contrast, here is Big I’s list: Wii Princess game, Pirates of the Caribbean III movie, unicorn webkin, Littlest Pet Shop Teeniest Tiniest Pet Shop (dear God, help me!), Littlest Pet Shop Electronic diary, and a computer (more our idea than hers), and sparring gear.
Lil C’s list? Puzzles, Ratatouille movie, Brio train accessories, oh and chocolate.
I think I need to remind myself that Christmas is for kids. . .
***If you’d like some ideas for Christmas yourself, make sure you check out the reviews on The BBM Review. From books, to martial arts products, to video games, there are plenty of reviews there and there are many to come in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Our review schedule is getting booked up quickly. If you have a product or website that you’d like The BBM Reviewers to review, please contact me as soon as possible.
Crutches and Goals
This week Lil C was walking backwards, when she tripped over my crutches and fell onto her butt. On her way down, one of the screws on my crutches scraped the back of her little thigh, leaving quite a bloody gouge. She was having a fit; I was trying to clean a cut and put a band-aid on a screaming two-year old, and it was a very bad scene.
When I went to PT a few hours later, I tried to convince him that I didn’t need the crutches anymore. "Show me how you walk," he said. So I did. He shook his head and handed them back to me. "How about just one?" I asked. "Show me," he said. So I did. He shook his head again and said, "Maybe next week, we can get you down to one. Not yet." He said he doesn’t want me walking with poor form. I understand, but I’m really sick of crutches.
He went on to say that when he was in PT school, they were required to use crutches for one day to see what it was like. He said it was awful and that he understands. Three weeks with crutches is enough. I’m just sick of them. We then moved onto more exercises so that I can ditch the crutches soon.
After a successful episode on the stationary bike earlier in the week, my PT put me back on the bike again. He doubled my time up to ten minutes and bumped my seat up a notch. It went fine. Since that went so well, he had me try the leg press. I did three sets of 10 with 30 lbs. and that went fine too. He also added weights to my leg lifts (above the knee) and gave me a new stretch where I hang out on my stomach and try to touch my left heel to my butt.
He said I’m only about two-three inches away from being able to do that. Three weeks ago, my goal was to prepare for Shodan. Now my goal is to touch my heel to my butt. How quickly things change.
PT: Day Three
Here’s the good news:
- Almost three weeks post ACL tear, I have better extension and flexion in my knee than people do four months post-ACL reconstruction surgery (straight from my PT’s mouth).
- I started riding the bike today. It was for five minutes only and in that time I made between 40-50 rotations total, but I rode the bike today with only slight infrequent twinges of pain (minus my first try when the seat was too high and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain).
- My PT said that my knee looks really good and that I’m able to do things very well for being less than three weeks post-injury.
- I met my permanent PT today and I like him a lot. He seems to really get that it’s important for me to get back to normal as fast as I can.
Here’s the bad news:
- I have to stay on the crutches until I can walk without limping. I can’t currently walk without limping, and can’t imagine that I’ll be able to anytime soon. I can’t straighten my leg and put any pressure on it so that’s that. At least my crutches are cool.
- The pain I’m having in the back of my knee is likely due to the hyperextension, and those aches and pains are going to take 6-8 weeks to repair. Oh goody.
- Every single person (doctor, two PT’s, radiologist) has a completely different theory on my knee pain and where it’s coming from. All I know is that it hurts and it needs to stop.
- PT is taking up a big chunk of my life right now. I am there three times a week for about an hour and a half each time. I imagine this time is only going to increase as they continue to add new exercises, more sets, and longer times on the bike. Then I have to repeat the exercises twice more at home each day. Whatever it takes though, I’ll do.
I’m sending those little Mario worker dudes on double shifts from now on.
***Some of you may have noticed my new tip jar on the sidebar. It’s there on the off chance that Bill Gates comes to check out my site, is highly entertained and wants to give me like, I don’t know, a million dollar tip or something. A girl can dream right? 😉
***Do you have kids? Have you given birth? Has your wife? How about sending me your birth stories for my other site? Please people. I only had two kids and both of their stories are up already. I need more! Please help!
Psych Consult: Day 1 at Physical Therapy
I don’t know how many times I’ve said, "I am not one to cry." It’s been said enough though, and has usually been followed with a "but." I’m soon going to have to change that statement, since if you use it more than a couple times, you are indeed a crier. Here I go again. . .
I am not usually one to cry, but that didn’t stop me from looking like a leaky faucet at physical therapy today. About a half hour before I left, I was feeling all positive and confident when I decided to forego the crutches and turn to get Lil C a drink. I felt the most awful pain, my knee shifted and it felt like I was going to fall. Luckily I caught myself and shifted my weight back over to my good leg, which is quickly becoming my "sick of carrying you around" leg. It hurt so badly and I was so devastated that it had gone out on me that I sat down in the middle of my kitchen and started to cry. Lil C wrapped her arms tightly around my head and said "Oh Mommy." She’s two and she just knew Mommy needed a hug. That made me cry harder.
The pain and instability rattled my confidence and I arrived at PT feeling down in the dumps. The Physical Therapist sat me down and started talking to me about my injury, how I did it, what it feels like now, how I’m getting around, etc. He then started talking about the anatomy of the knee, and how he’s going to fix me in hopes of avoiding surgery.
You know how when you’re upset and someone shows you they care or is nice to you and you just well up and want to sob? Yeah, well the tears welled up and eventually spilled. I felt like a total idiot. He casually handed me a box of tissues as I told him I’m not usually one to cry but that this morning’s events just rattled me and that I want to be able to pick up and carry around my daughter. . .
We finished talking and I gave the tissue box a break. He put heat and stims on my knee and left me hang out for a while. My company included three elderly people. One guy was there for shoulder rehab and he smiled this sympathetic smile at me as he was leaving which made me well up all over again.
We then moved on to quad sets where I pushed the back of my knee down into a towel while flexing my foot back and tightening my quad muscles. Then he made me do leg raises. They were ridiculously challenging. I can’t believe how much strength I’ve lost in my leg in only two weeks time. After that, he had me stretch all the muscles in my legs out by using a strap over my foot and pulling. Then he taught me how to walk better with my crutches and adjusted my hand grips, which were too low. He was super nice and that just kept making me upset.
When I walked over to schedule my three times a week PT appointments, the Cold Play song "Fix You" came on and I about lost it. I seriously think the guy is singing about preparing for a black belt test and blowing an ACL. Listen to the lyrics if you don’t believe me.
When I got home, I got even worse. I’ve been a blubbering fool on and off since I got home; and when Mr. BBM asked me what was wrong I couldn’t even articulate it. The PT was fine, good actually. My leg muscles are already feeling it, and my PT said the goal is to ditch the crutches two weeks from now. He said they’re going to teach me how to walk all over again, to trust my body to do it right, to do it in a way its never had to, and it’s going to work.
I think that emotionally, everything has been bottled up. I’ve tried to laugh about it and have a good sense of humor about it. I’ve been mad that it’s screwing up my life and my plans for the time being. I’ve been reeling from not being able to do the things I’ve been able to do easily before. I think I just need to have a good cry and let it all out. Then, I can go back to not being a crier.
Hopefully I can get it all out of my system before my PT calls for a psych consult, because if that happens I’m really going to cry.
Hines Ward and BBM: Two Peas in a Pod
I had an appointment with my surgeon this morning. Before I went, I fully expected this post to be announcing the date of my surgery. I won’t be doing that. It’s not because I’m afraid the papablogzi would track me down either. It’s because, at least for the time being, I’m not having surgery.
The MRI confirms the diagnosis of a torn ACL, but my surgeon thinks that I never had much of an ACL to begin with, and for 32 29 years my knee has done just fine. He feels very confident I will be able to PT my way back to normal. I asked him why I’m having the instability and pain when I extend and bend my leg and he said that he feels confident that when I hyperextended my knee while sparring, I irritated my knee cap. He went on to describe how it feels when your kneecap is all ticked off at you, and that is exactly how I’m feeling. He told me to take anti-inflammatories three times a day, crutch it around until that knee cap calms down and then the instability should go away and I should be able to walk.
Tomorrow, I start physical therapy. I will have a month of PT and then I’ll meet with him again. If I’m no better, then he’ll do surgery and reconstruct my ACL. I asked him what his gut was telling him about me and he said, "I really think you’re going to be able to rehab it without surgery." He even smiled. I’ve never met a surgeon who had a personality before, but he does and I like it (His good looks don’t hurt either). Am I right or what?
I reiterated that I don’t want to just be able to walk in a straight line, that I want to go back to karate and do it the way I did it before (Mr. BBM added here that my karate is hardcore-not Karate for Kids-ish), and he nodded with understanding and stuck to his guns.
He said he’s a surgeon and he likes to do surgery; but he does not believe I need it and doesn’t want to do it unnecessarily. I asked him a ton of "what if" questions and he answered everything to my liking. He said that if I do need surgery, he’ll be able to get it on the schedule quickly, that I won’t have to wait long to get on the road to recovery.
I am going into PT with a really positive attitude. I am going to bust my butt to get better without surgery. If I do end up needing to have surgery, I’ll be in great shape for it from all the PT beforehand. He said that he wouldn’t do ACL reconstruction surgery before things calmed down in there anyway, so this isn’t delaying my recovery by trying PT first.
I’m going to be the girl who comes back without needing surgery, and then Hines Ward and I are going to sit down and discuss our freak-of-natureness over drinks and nachos.
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
