Family Plagues and Tissue Lint
You can tell when this family has been through a plague. Tissues follow Lil C around like a dusty dirt cloud that just won't quit. Medicine cups are constantly being ground up in the garbage disposal. My personal favorite? I've been washing and drying a lot of tissues lately. Tissue lint is always good for making a fashion statement.
Yesterday I went to campus and when I began talking to my class, they looked at me strangely. "I know," I told them, "from now until the foreseeable future you're just going to have to deal with the fact that your teacher now has a man voice." I seriously could pass for Barry White right about now. It's not a comparison I ever hoped for.
I've been on a healthy cycle of Nyquil at night followed by coffee to help it wear off in the morning. Also, inhaling said coffee steam to help with the congestion. While Mr. BBM and Big I have moved on from the sickness, Lil C and I have the head and chest cold that just won't quit. We're sick of canceling playdates, but we know it's not polite to share our germs. I wanted to be back in the dojo by now. It's going to have to wait until I can breathe a little better.
Every year, within a few weeks of my birthday, I start getting sick. By the time I'm better, my allergies have kicked it into high gear and I'm miserable until June and beyond. My Mom is an RN and works at an Allergy/Asthma office. She's been pesting me to get tested for years. Getting tested though, involves needles, lots and lots of needles, and the one time I made the appointment, I chickened out and canceled.
This year though, I think I'm just going to have to go through with it. My clothes can't take being covered in tissues anymore. I'd like to be able to breathe through my nose before June.
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Stockwater Tea, Julio Iglesias, and Downtown Drownings
Edited: New One Added Below
I watched American Idol with Mr. BBM last night. Either we're getting old, or the people are just really lousy. There were a few stand-outs, but most of the ones who stood out, were standing out for all the wrong reasons.
Did you know that spandex pants, worn with sneakers, a halter top and a cumberbund is the new thing? Think it was unique to just one audition? You would be wrong. I don't know where these girls got the idea that spandex and sneakers is hot, but it's really not.
"You know, it's a real shame I'm not younger and I don't have a good voice," I told Mr. BBM. "I have star quality. I can dance and perform better than most of these people." I have a video to prove it.
If you can't view this video, go here.
Mr. BBM almost blew his drink out of his nose, and not because I lack star quality either.
"Do you mean 'Stockwater Tea'?"
"What?"
"Don't you remember that?" he asked me.
"Oh," I said, recalling another one of my lyrical follies.
When we were in college, we went to see the Evita movie. The movie itself is for another post. It involves old ladies and wet popcorn and pure nastiness, but like I said, for another time.
I really enjoyed that movie, and Mr. BBM bought me the soundtrack. I know, shocking, considering my favorite song right now is "Blame it" by Jamie Foxx. Anyway, I used to sing along with the soundtrack regularly. There's a song called "Buenos Aires" but it should really be called "Stockwater Tea" since those are the words I sang along with that song.
Listen for it. . . "Just a little bit of stockwater tea. . . "
If you can't view the video, go here.
One day, Mr. BBM corrected me and I knew there was no point in arguing. "Stockwater tea" truly made no sense at all. It just sounded so right when the words came out of my mouth!
My other classic lyrical mishap is from the song "Take my Breath Away." There's a part of the song that says, "Through the looking glass I saw you," but to me it was always belted out to the tune of "Julio Iglesias saw you. . . " I don't know. It just made more sense. Looking glass vs. Julio. Julio clearly wins.
If you can't view this video, go here.
Listen for yourself. Doesn't it sound like she's singing about Julio? I swear I'm right about this one. I had a little singing duo when I was younger and I'm fairly certain I have audio proof of this lyrical mishap.
A more recent one? Kevyn Little's "Turn me On."
View the video here if you can't see it here.
"Let me hold you. . . "
What do you think it says after that?
I'll tell you what it says, "Downtown, that's my body." I totally thought they were dancing in a club downtown as in. . .
"Let me hold you downtown" and then "that's my body." You know, this doesn't really make sense now that I'm writing it out, but whenever I sing that song, it's not "girl caress my body," it's "downtown that's my body." Always has been, always will be. Also, the part that says, "let me charm you" that's right after that? For some reason, I used to sing still sing "let me drown you." I don't know why that would make sense. It certainly doesn't, but that's how I hear it people. Just is. Drown you in love maybe? I don't know.
These lyrical mishaps started quite young. My Dad was a big Tom Petty fan and we were often listening to his music. Remember "Refugee"?
Click here to view if you can't see it here.
My words when I was little: "It don't really matter to me baby. Everybody gotta fight to be free. Oh, yeah, a little appendectomy." I mean, yeah, totally fight for your right to a medical procedure. I think my Dad almost drove off the road laughing when he heard that one. This one makes total sense. It says right in the song, "someone must have kicked you around some." Can't being kicked around cause appendicitis? I'm just saying.
Finally (and I'm sure there are more that Mr. BBM will think of as soon as he reads this), is one I can't really take credit for but think it's fabulous anyway. My sister-in-law used to get frustrated trying to sing along with Rusted Root. Who wouldn't? Those lyrics are more confusing than the Doodlebops!
The song "Ecstasy" is especially troubling, and you look lame if you're at their concert or trying to dance to it and you don't sing along. So, she came up with this for the chorus. . .
"I want whole wheat, with a little bit of turkey meat and mayo."
Listen and sing along. Totally works and trust me, it makes more sense than whatever the heck they're saying. I can't embed this one, so you'll have to go here to listen.
So considering that most of those people on American Idol last night couldn't sing anyway, maybe they should just let me on. At least they'd get a few laughs from the lyrical mishaps.
What's one of your biggest lyrical mishaps? Feel free to share below so I don't feel so stupid and alone.
Time for a Clone
One of my favorite classes last semester was the one where I paired students up, gave them random silly topics and told them to let their imaginations run wild as they rushed to create and present compelling introductions and conclusions for their assigned speech topics.
Last semester, my favorite group told the class that crop circles were not formed by aliens. They were formed every time Chuck Norris sneezed. It was hysterical. The entire class cracked up and it's a moment I don't think any of us will soon forget.
Today we had a few more of those moments. I had this feeling at the beginning of the semester that I was going to like these kids, but I didn't know if they could live up to how much fun my group was from the first semester. They proved me wrong today.
One group discussed tsunamis and a student told a "true" story about surfing a wave that landed him on top of a skyscraper. Another group impersonated a sleazy furniture salesperson. A third group told us the movie "Signs" was real and that we should all go home and create "booby traps."
I have to say though, the best one of the day was about cloning. The clincher at the end of the speech. . . "If you're feeling alone, it's time for a clone."
Classic good classroom stuff.
From the way the class responded, something tells me this student will be known from here on out by that very unique quote. There is absolutely no better feeling than when you take an important lesson, make it fun, and it's a smashing success.
Wait until they see what I have planned for them Thursday. . .
Makes Me Cranky: On Plagiarism and Lacking Originality
Although most people who know me think I'm a nice person, many people would also tack on to that description that I can be cranky at times. Some of the things that make me cranky?
Disorganization
Late assignments
Constant mess (as in "Pick up your toys already!")
Piles of laundry thanks to multiple "wardrobe changes" within a day
Plagiarism
That last one is a big one. When I taught 9th grade many years ago, we did a month long poetry unit. I made it fun and accessible for the kids. The month long study of poetry culminated with a poetry portfolio that reflected a theme of their choosing. Students were to find poetry that fit the theme and also write their own.
I took home a stack of portfolios and was shocked to see that I had five different students who were guilty of plagiarism. Two were actually claiming to have written the exact same poem. They didn't know each other and were in separate classes. Another student wrote a poem so genius that I became suspicious. A simple google search told me what I needed to know. It was plagiarized, plain and simple. Students who were friends with these kids were including these poems in their portfolios and giving credit to their friends for writing them. It needed to be stopped. They needed to learn a lesson.
As my 6th period walked into class the day after I had collected the portfolios, they noticed two pieces of paper taped to the board. One was the original poem with the author's name, web address, etc. The other was the version turned into me by the student. I never saw someone's face turn that shade of red before. The day before, he had been a celebrity. Not so much anymore.
He made a public apology to the class, received an F on his portfolio and he also got sent to the principal for plagiarism. The other two students got the same treatment.
As a writer, plagiarism is something I just don't understand. I can understand carelessly forgetting a quotation mark or something. Stuff happens like that sometimes, not that it's ever happened to me though. I'm extremely careful like that. But flat out taking someone else's writing or ideas and saying its your own is just brazen and stupid.
The University where I teach has a strict policy on plagiarism and teachers have access to a wonderful website where you upload a paper and watch the results come in as to how much of it is plagiarized. I made my warning quite clear to my students and I haven't had a problem so far.
The internet is a different story.
I've heard stories about bloggers having their entire blog ripped off and republished somewhere else on the web under a different person's name. It's also not uncommon for people to take a blogger's RSS feed and republish it to their own site. To combat this, I set up google alerts. It's simple to do and every blogger who worries about having their content ripped off should take a few moments to set it up. Beyond the google alerts, and I swear even more effective than them, are you, my awesome readers.
I can count at least five different occasions where I've received an email from a reader, telling me that someone has stolen my photo, web design, or entire posts (There's currently some chick on the other side of the world ripping off my web design almost in its entirety. It's not a template honey. It's mine. Get your own!). I found out thanks to one of you.
As a writer, and as someone who spent months trying to figure out what to call my blog, I get really upset about this stuff. Beyond flat out stealing images and content, there's also SEO hijacking and that really irritates me too. I used to teach a blog writing course and I told my students that when creating their blog, they have to do the research. They have to put in the time to make sure they're choosing an original name that isn't stepping on anyone's toes.
Changing just one little part of a website title or design doesn't count as being original either. The way I see it, if you can't come up with something original on your own, then maybe writing online isn't for you. And, if you don't want to put in the time to make sure you're being original, then write in a private journal and save yourself the wrath of bloggers who work hard to create original content. Trust me when I say, we're willing to fight for it too.
Without filing a single piece of paper with the government, bloggers are protected by copyright and trademark laws. Don't believe me? Google it. And not doing the research is not an excuse. Even if you think you have an original name for a blog, it's irresponsible to not check out the competition and insure that you've come up with something that is uniquely yours.
Whenever another one of these things happens, I get very grumpy about it. I start thinking about removing my blog. I start thinking I should password protect it. After all, I started this site with the hopes that I could eventually use it to catapult myself into a book deal or at least a permanent writing gig somewhere. I've been writing a lot on the side lately and am getting more and more motivated to get that book rolling. Putting yourself out there though, means you're also putting out your content and your ideas and they're ripe for someone else to wrongfully claim.
The thing is though, I like blogging and putting my writing out there. I like the community and how I've found friends in the most unlikely of places through writing this blog. I don't want to shut it down or password protect it to protect my content. I shouldn't have to do that. Instead, people should just be smart and for a change, try being original.
I want to thank those of you who send me emails and act as the "Black Belt Mama" police. I know I've returned the favor for some of you out there over the past few years and I'll continue to do so.
They say that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but there is nothing "sincere" about ripping off someone else's ideas, photos or writing.
Nothing.
Stimulate This
The entire BBM family is oozing germs in some way shape or form this weekend. My head hurts every time I look or bend down; and my spine feels like it has been a heavy bag for Ikigai or something. Mr. BBM broke out with the flu this week too and is currently sporting a straight up in the air hair-do. Giving a hoot about how we look isn't at the top of the priority list right now.
Getting more ibuprofen. That's #1. Not letting our kids, who now have coughs and runny noses, breathe on us is priority #2.
Instead of being at my father-in-law's wedding today, we're at home, sporting pj's and sweatpants. I've spent a lot of time in bed over the past few days. I even had to cancel my class on Thursday morning because there was no way I could make it to campus. I felt like a Gremlin as in "Bright lights, bright lights!" Yes, that's pretty much what I look like right now.
My head was rocking the entire week pretty much. While in bed, I've watched a lot of cooking shows and a lot of political shows.
It could be due to the flu, but I'm particularly grumpy about this so called "stimulus" bill that is about to be passed.
Bankrupting future generations. . . check.
Stimulating our economy? I find it hard to believe given some of the nonsense in the over 1000 pages of political garble.
While the politicians certainly think they know best, I have news for them. Flu-inflicted citizens can come up with better ways to stimulate the economy. Here are just two of mine. . .
1. Instead of taking approximately 45% of my income that I make as an independent contractor/recruiter which gives me little to no incentive to want to work when I get my check and have to turn around and send almost half of it to the government, why not slash how much the government is taking from me by a good 20%? With that 20% that is back in my bank account I can afford to hire someone to build me a patio this spring, landscape my barren new yard, or finish off my basement. All of those things would stimulate the economy. I hire someone, they hire helpers, and buy supplies from a company to create my housing projects. . . see how this works? Instead, my 45% will be going for things like studying honey bees and STD awareness. Stimulating things, these are not. The $13/week tax cut for families written into this bill isn't exactly going to help me build that patio.
(Let me preface #2 by saying that I understand that these are tough financial times. I understand that there are people who legitimately need help and through no fault of their own are in economic ruins right now. #2 is not about these people.)
2. How about rewarding citizens who pay their mortgages and bills on time instead of bailing out those who don't? What incentive is there to pay your bills on time when the government now plans on lowering the rates of those who can't pay the mortgages on the houses they couldn't afford in the first place? I'd like my rate lowered too. Maybe I'll just stop paying my mortgage for a couple months. . . oh wait, see there are these things called self-responsibility and pride. I take those two things to heart. But seriously, why are we rewarding those who got themselves into financial trouble? AND, if we want to help them out, great, but maybe there should be some incentives for those of us who always follow the rules, pay our bills, etc. It's simply not fair. This isn't Robin Hood, you know. My hard earned money shouldn't be going to support those who got themselves in over their heads. I should be able to keep my money, and then maybe I could hire someone whose business is hurting. See #1. See how this works? Also, there are plenty of people who are not financially hurting right now who choose to help others, either through donations to charities, donations to soup kitchens, or volunteering with Habitat for Humanity or other organizations who help others. Private citizens should be able to decide who to help and choose where their money goes within local communities. How is Washington able to determine how best to use money in my hometown? Do you trust your Governor to distribute a blank check however he/she pleases? I don't trust mine. Something tells me a certain governor will have a new car and chauffeur, minimum, before too long.
There are other ideas too. The school district where I live has some of the lowest school taxes around. Why? Because they don't raise taxes every time they need to expand or hire more teachers. Instead, they decided to seek private money in the form of sponsorships for football stadiums and gymnasiums, etc. They thought outside of the box and made it work with no government intervention. If every school did this, can you imagine how much less we'd all be paying in school taxes? Can you imagine what you'd do with that extra money? I know what I'd do with mine.
Patio.
Landscaping.
Finished basement.
Oh, and a much-wanted-by-the-girls Disney vacation.
All of these things stimulate the economy. And that's just one family! Multiply that by all the families across the country and it's at least food for thought.
Then again, getting the politicians to read these ideas would probably be even more difficult than getting them to read that 1000+ page stimulus bill (which you can't tell me any of them did before voting on it). This non-reading of the single biggest spending bill ever in history absolutely blows my mind and should disturb everyone no matter what your political affiliation. It is completely irresponsible. Don't believe me about the non-reading, watch this. . .
(If you can't see this, go here to view.)
GRR. . . My head hurts.
I know these are hot polticial times, but unless you want me to breathe my hot miserable flu on you, keep your comments respectful. Have flu, not afraid to use it. Got it? Good.
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