Taking Guilt Off the Table (In at Least One Area)
Guilt is something that all of us feel at one time or another, especially if you're a Mom. Training guilt is something that happens to the best of us too. Ikigai wrote about it this week. I read his post. I felt guilty.
But not for the reasons you would think I'd feel guilty. You see, my time off has been legitimate. As my physical therapist has continued to tell me since my injury, if my knee isn't feeling right, then listen to the knee. I've listened.
What I felt guilty about was the flossing business, or actually the not flossing business. I absolutely hate to floss my teeth too. It's uncomfortable, and my gums bleed. But in an effort to take better care of myself, I started making appointments a few weeks ago. First, I made an appointment to see the allergist. Check. Done. Good.
Next I made a dental appointment. I haven't had one since I had my wisdom teeth taken out when Big I was a baby. Do the math. She just turned eight. I know. It's awful. It's amazing how "I'll call tomorrow" becomes eight years in an instant.
Over the past few years, I have continued to make excuses. I'm too busy. I'll call next week. I'm nursing. I can't manage it. I don't have a babysitter. etc. etc. etc. There's no end to the excuses I've made, and it's not even like dental people and I have a bad relationship.
I have never had a cavity, not one.
So when Ikigai's post came up, I thought it was timely since I had just made an appointment with a new dentist. Yesterday morning I woke up and decided that I really should try to floss before my dental appointment, so that when they ask me, I can at least say "sometimes" instead of "never" which is much closer to the truth.
I started flossing and remembered why I don't. Immediately, the gum between my front two teeth started to bleed. Also, I got a giant piece of floss stuck in between two of my molars. It took tweezers to pull it out and even then, I could tell some of it was stuck in there. I went to teach yesterday morning feeling like a had a piece of corn string stuck in my teeth. It was driving me insane.
I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to be able to leave there saying I've still never had a cavity. When I told the hygenist how long it has been, she looked worried. But when the hygenist took x-rays, examined my teeth, and announced that my teeth were no worse than most people after only a 6-month hiatus, and that I had not a single cavity, relieved doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.
Lil C also had her first appointment today. It only took them telling her that they had a princess toothbrush for her to decide that she liked the dentist just fine. And her teeth? Perfect.
Here's one piece of guilt I can finally let go. I got Lil C there while she is still three and I'm back on the dental wagon with another appointment already scheduled in six months.
(Insert big sigh of relief here.)
Member Appreciation. . . Not
When I joined my gym back in October, I spent a good 10 hours negotiating a rate. I left a couple times, refused to return phone calls, and then finally signed a contract when it was what I wanted in the first place. It kind of felt like buying a car. . . for a gym membership. Ridiculous.
Yesterday was "Member Appreciation Day." One of the manager's approached me as I was starting my workout and asked me if I'd like to take advantage of their "special promotion" for members. I currently pay $34.99/month plus $7.00/month for the Kid Zone. I negotiated no initiaition fee on the sign-up. I didn't want to pay one to get a lower rate, because honestly, I didn't know how much I'd like the gym or how long I would truly last.
The promotion they were running yesterday was this: give my current membership to my husband and then pay $840.00 up front for three years. Basically, you pay for two years and they give you the third free. They also said they'd throw in a Kid Zone membership for my second child for free for one year. On the surface, it sounds good. My monthly rate would be cut from $34.99/month plus the $7/month for KidZone, down to about $22 spread out over those three years. After that, you're "grandfathered" in at $23/month.
It's a great deal if:
- You know you're not going to tire of the gym over the course of many years.
- You have $840 to put up for it right now.
- You're interested in giving a gym that kind of money, committing yourself for three years, and giving away any leverage you have when issues come up.
I considered it and thought it was initially a good plan; but Mr. BBM and I are currently looking for a new car. We'd also like to landscape and build a patio on our house. In addition, I really want to get Lil C to Disney World while she's still little. All of those things require cash, and so do the knee surgery bills that are still rolling in from January.
I'd like to make a couple suggestions to the gym for how to really, truly appreciate your members.
First, allow your members with children to bring an additional kid to Kid Zone for free (or at the very least, the same rate of your first child) over the summer months. This would make a lot of mom members happy; mom members talk (a lot). Word of mouth is good for business.
Second, give out free padlocks, workout towels or water bottles. It costs very little to do this, but people like getting free stuff. Why do you think there are so many review blogs out there? Plus, free towels or water bottles with the gym name on them is also good for business.
Third, when you say you're going to give us a free month when we sign up, make sure it shows up. How can I trust any deals you have when you're not honoring our original one?
Fourth, offer to give members a lower monthly rate, paid monthly instead of all up front, with a one year committment. One year committments are way less scary than a three year one.
Finally, don't act like Member Appreciation Day has anything to do with appreciating members. It's about sales, money and volume. You probably shouldn't leave your little check-off until bonus sheet right in the middle of your desk. Suddenly, I'm not an appreciated member; I'm just number 16 on your list. Ask any woman and she'll tell you that we don't ever like being tick marks on a sheet.
Deepening the “Way”
Filed under: Admired Martial Artists Month, Guest Post
By Maj. Bill Hayes, USMC (Ret.)
“Old Student” of Shobayashi-ryu Karate-do
Each of us engaged in serious martial arts training has a desire to develop our martial skills to the fullest – it would make no sense for us to commit to hard and complex training in a traditional or classical dojo with the full intention of remaining unskilled. Yet, when some of us examine more closely what it is we actually doin the dojo we may come to realize that we are, at least on occasion, impeding our own develop.
Take, for instance, our desire to develop “warrior mindsets” when involved in application training. The mental aspect of such training is meant to bolster our physical ability to inflict necessary, ethically justified, injury upon a real attacker. Accordingly, one would be foolish to approach such a “heavy” endeavor with the same attitude one might bring to a “lighter” weekend tournament match. Tournaments, despite their many manifest benefits, do not, as a matter of course, place us in peril of losing our lives or being maimed. Tournament fighters often operate with the understanding that a match may last for several minutes, during which time fighters can execute strategies and tactics while protected by the rules of fair play, good officials, and a pound and a half of safety equipment.
On the other hand, “Life Protection” practitioners well understand (and accept the fact) that their next physical engagement may be their last one and, rather than thinking that they have several minutes to “do their stuff” (score points), their overriding concern is the death or disablement of the opponent in front of them – right now. (Remember that when it comes to Life Protection the fundamental mindset involved is always a quantal one – your opponent will live or your opponent will die – or – you will live or you will die.) Hard-core, yes, but “appropriate” if our arts are to have combative substance, and vital if we are to survive the emotional burdens which routinely accompany and follow true encounters. By the way, we can have such depth without also having too much “darkness.”
When I was a young Marine studying in the Kin Village Rendo-Kan Hombu dojo on Okinawa, my teacher (Shimabukuro, Eizo, 10th Dan, Shobayashi-ryu Karate-do) related numerous stories of Life Protection encounters from To-de's early days. Shimabukuro, OSensei, recounted these events with great zeal after our daily training sessions and I never failed to marvel at them for their own sake as well as for the cultural and mindset contrasts they represented. For instance, in America, should a police officer, acting in the line of duty, be forced to draw his or her weapon and shoot an assailant they are immediately suspended from regular duties, their weapon is surrendered, and they are often told to see a "shrink," or some other counselor, "first thing Monday morning." On Okinawa-if a "Just Warrior" were forced to use his or her skills in defense of life and society-and did so successfully-they were given a party! Such warriors were welcomed back to their village with songs, dances, and a feast! Even the old Ryukyuan justice system was structured to facilitate such occurrences. Back then, if a "Just Warrior" was, for some reason, required to submit to arrest following a Life Protection incident, his fellow villagers were allowed to petition local authorities for his release. Not only was the release routinely granted, but, such "Bushi" were often subsequently honored by their feudal Lords with additional lands and titles for their courageous deeds. Quite a far cry from where we find ourselves in today's society.
Now, as a practical matter, how does one begin to train to develop Life Protection mindsets of old in today’s modern era? Initially, I recommend two basic “tools” – the first mental, the second physical – both involve our martial culture vessels – our kata.
Mental– live out of your imagination – not just your memory. Recall that imagination involves visualization (within kata) while memorization involves rote performance (of kata). Moreover, memorization leads to making choices made by others (executing the same “block”, responding with the same punch or kick – each and every time). Visualization, on the other hand, allows you to make choices possibly nevermade by anyone else before – a situation which you may face during a real encounter on some tomorrow. One method molds but limits you – the other frees you to perform response based movements – the essence of intuitive competence. Memorization is imposed from the outside and is fine during the “shaping” process which takes place during the first several years of training in dojos. Visualization is a product of your inner self and is an extension of skills displayed by dojo seniors (in good dojos).
Physical– this one’s really simple. While moving from memorization to visualization imagine or train with a partner who is holding an actual weapon. (The weapon can be a very short stick, a set of sai, or a Bo – using them all will force you to better appreciate the basic distances [near, mid-range, and far] as well as help you explore a slew of new angles – no matter what applications you’re working on.) Visualizing or actually facing a weapon will create a sense of urgency and also stirs a set of physiological responses which help prepare the body for combat – the adrenaline rush, increased heart rate, and more, can be “force multipliers” should Life Protection ever be necessary.
With respect for all that you are,
Bill Hayes
Bill Hayes is the award-winning author of, “My Journey With the Grandmaster.” He publishes a quarterly martial culture newsletter; is a “warrior wellness” consultant; and conducts seminars in the U. S. and Europe. He is a founding Subject Matter Expert for the U.S. Marine Corps' Martial Arts Program, is the Director of the Okinawan Shorin-ryu Karate-Do Research Society, and is also Director of the Shobayashi-Kan Training Group. You can reach him directly regarding any of the above by emailing him at oldstudent1 at cox dot net.
Eight Hawaiian Style
On Saturday, Big I turned eight years old. Eight is one of those exciting years like 16, 18, 21, and 25. At the age of eight, kids no longer need to sit in booster seats. It's an exciting age for all of us for that very reason. Down to just one kid in a booster seat, it's going to make life a lot easier.
Big I picked a luau theme for her party this year because I promised her I'd try to make her a volcano cake we saw on Food Network a few weeks ago. I don't know who was more excited about the dry ice "smoke," Big I or Mr. BBM. He spent much of the party running around with cups of dry ice, even when Big I was opening her presents and everyone was otherwise occupied.
It was pretty cool though; I must admit. A lot of decorated cakes taste pretty lousy, but this five layer red velvet cake was pretty awesome. We don't have much of it left, which is a good thing for my butt.
After the food (Hawaiian meatballs, cinnamon chips with fruit salsa, a 4 ft. sandwich, a fruit tray, and punch, we got busy with the limbo. The kids were loving going under my beater bo, but they weren't exactly doing it the right way. So, my Mom jumped in to show them how it's done. The woman can limbo.
So can my sister.
Apparently, it runs in the family genes. That's Big I, who has a very sore little stomach today.
Despite the fact that we all did our best to look tropical, Lil C decided she was going to wear her Christmas sweater. Some battles just aren't worth fighting so here she is, in all her Christmas glory.
Among Big I's gifts. . . lots of new clothes for the kid who grows two inches per night, about 10 new chapter books, and a field hockey stick and ball. If I can't make a warrior our of her with a bo, I'm going to do it with a field hockey stick.
Every year, I go back into my archives and read the posts I wrote for her on birthdays past. I had to laugh at the first one I wrote her, when she turned five. Read the last line and then go here. I'm glad I've kept my word.
I hope you had a great birthday Big I. I seriously can not believe I am the mother of an 8-year old. My how time flies. . .
If you'd like a chance to win an autographed CD from an international recording artist, then head to The BBM Review fast! The contest ends tomorrow!!!
How to Annoy Your Kid Keri Hilson Style
Mr. BBM has spent years wrecking favorite songs of mine for me. Usually he does so by inserting some disgusting lyric that tends to linger. There used to be this slow song I liked and now I seem to have completely blocked it from memory because he made the whole chorus about pooping. Crap like that is irritating.
However, last night I was trying to get Big I to move a little faster through her bedtime routine and I found a way to make it happen.
If you've been reading here long enough, then you know that I don't like the typical music that an average 30-something 29-year old Mom likes. My latest favorite song is by Keri Hilson and it's called "Turning me on." Actually, it's probably spelled "turnin' myon" or something because people who sing songs like that tend to do that. For example, one of the real words in his song is "'proachin'." That would be "approaching" for you non-R&B-inclined folks out there.
Since Big I is turning eight years old tomorrow (sob, sob), I figure the girl can take a shower without Mommy standing in the bathroom, but she has yet to believe in herself when it comes to her ability to wash all the soap out of her hair without me peeking in to give my blessing and approval. So, since she makes me stay in the bathroom, I need to find some way to keep myself busy. Last night, I decided to change some lyrics of my own in hopes that she would get sick of hearing me sing and tell me I could leave the bathroom.
Here are my lyrics. Feel free to play the video so you can hear the music and sing along if you'd like. Click here if you can't click from here.
Like this. . .
Big I's in the shower,
Shampoo bottle poppin'
You know just how to wash it,
You know just how to wash it,
You washin' your hair,
You washin' your hair,
You washin' your hair
Wait a minute, little Izzy
You got one more minute
To wash your naked body
Better recognize you're dirty
Better make sure that you wash it,
You washin' your butt,
You washin' your butt,
You washin' your butt
Better recognize you're really dirty
ah, ah, ah, ah
You ever try to get that butt real clean
Better scrub your body til you're real soapy
Come on Izzy, get it clean
ah, ah, ah, ah
You gotta keep scrubbin' that body
You gotta be for sure that your butt is clean.
Recognize you're really dirty
Washing your armpit,
Washing where you sit
And you're hoping that your daddy,
will be reading you a book
You better get out
You're taking too long,
You're taking too long,
Wait a minute little Izzy
Lather, rinse, repeat from the beginning. You get the idea.
I found it was a great way to let off a little steam, and it was amazing how fast the kid moved when she realized I wasn't going to stop singing and dancing until she was out of the shower and in bed. Feel free to adapt the lyrics for your own home usage.
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