February 20, 2011
If You Take a Pregnant Girl to a Club. . .
Last night was our annual "celebrate the February birthday girls" night out. It started out with a huge reservation to a hibachi restaurant, which actually went quite well, considering my three days straight of near constant nausea. I think it had something to do with the ginger dressing and sauce that I drowned my food in the whole time I ate.
When we were finished eating, half of our crew headed home. The rest piled in the mini-van and we were off to one of the newest night clubs in the area. Last night, they were featuring some big-name DJ that I've never heard of before who is famous for some song that lets the world know that he likes "her a$$ big and her face down low." He also wore a large gold cross around his neck. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it seemed like a bit of a contradiction. The other "exciting" news of last night is that Vinny of the Jersey Shore reality show was making an appearance.
The DJ himself brought an entire entourage of scantily clad girls wearing hooker dresses and a bunch of goober guys wearing either wife-beaters with rosary beads or striped sweatshirts and receding hairlines. One totally passed out like 20 minutes into the night and then rose up miraculously and started fist-pumping. It was pretty messed up. They all stood around on stage, holding up their cell phones, videotaping the crowd. I was kind of raging from pregnant hormones last night so I had a deep temptation to just look directly into their little phone cameras and give them a giant middle finger, but I held back. This time anyway. At one point, the DJ demanded that everyone put their arms up. I sent him a mental telepathy note that said, "Don't tell me what to do."
What struck me about the club, besides the fact that one of my former students from several years ago walked in looking like a street-walker, was that the ratio of men to women was completely out of whack. There were at least 30 women, maybe more, for every guy there. And let me tell you, the pickings for both sides were abysmal.
At one point, a trio of very drunk guys started dancing beside a water-sipping-completely-sober-pregnant-hormone-raging me, and one guy began bumping and leaning into me continually. First, it was the quick succession of elbows to the boob. If you've ever been pregnant, I need to say no more. I was instantly in agony and enraged. Then, he raised his arms up in the air and as he brought the one down, he decided he would lean the entire weight of his body, through his elbow, on my shoulder. I had already told my group of friends I was going to kill him soon. This was the final straw for me. I removed his arm from my shoulder, pulled my elbow into striking position, angled it as his face, and told him to "watch it!" in the meanest tone I could muster. He quickly walked away. I think even being as drunk as he was, he recognized a woman who meant business. It's really hard to refrain from wanting to kill someone when you're pregnant and there is boob contact involved.
When we went to the restroom later in the night, we had to wait in a line 20 girls long, and loaded with more spandex and stiletto boots than the movie "Pretty Woman." When I finally got in there, two girls were grinding each other into the wall. Back on the dance floor, more of the same. At one point, a girl who looked like she was about 12, wearing a get-up that barely covered her butt and with boots up to her thighs, had her face shoved into the crotch of another girl while some guy grinded behind her.I felt like breaking out into a session on girls and self-esteem, right there in the middle of the club. I'm sure it would have been well received.
But I just don't get it.
When I was younger and single, I went out dancing all the time. I never dressed like a hooker and I never simulated sex on the dance floor. Is it possible in this day and age to just dance without looking like a desperate hooker? Perhaps the ratio of men to women makes young girls these days feel like they have to seek attention by dressing like a total ho. But I'd like to let those girls in on a little secret. Dresses like that look good on no one. I never had a problem finding a decent guy to dance with at clubs, and I didn't have to look or act like that. Maybe when I went out I was looking for a guy who was attracted to me, but also someone who wouldn't just see me as a giant sex object. If a guy started grinding up on me, he usually got an elbow to the gut. I didn't need some strange weirdo getting on me to make me feel worthy.
What seems to be lacking in young girls these days is self-respect. No self-respecting young woman would act like that. Not a single one of those girls last night would want their mother to see them dressed like that, and it attracts the wrong kind of attention, the kind of attention that could get a girl in serious trouble. There is a world of difference between dressing sexy and dressing like a slut; and I swear, if I ever see one of my girls with an outfit like any of those I saw last night, they will be padlocked in the basement until that phase passes.
Maybe next time, I should just stay at home and dance to my IPod mix, which is a thousand times better than what the guy played last night. Plus, at my house, there wouldn't be some egotistical DJ blaring out the words over top of a decent song, wrecking it. Perhaps I'm just getting too old for this club crap.
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Hmm. I’ve seen that when going out, but when I go out with my cousins, we dress UP (not get undressed) and we look like we feel pretty and we go and dance with each other or our partners if we’re with them.
I guess it depends mostly on the club, and the entertainment for the night. Certain entertainment will draw certain types of crowds.
Hm. Being a single man, I’m pretty happy with the current state of dress of women who go out. 😛
You are right, so right about the way a lot of young girls dress. My oldest is pretty normal and dresses quite conservatively. It didn’t stop some little shit from spiking her water and attempting to do something bad.
She called her roommate and band mate to come and get her…the whole time repeating that she was a wrestler and she took that asshole down! I shudder to think when a “normally” dressed girl is a target and then what happens to one who claims not to be looking for it, but is dressed the part. Where are the lines?
It is frustrating, especially when you are married and know how you behaved at the same age! I’m glad you showed restraint…you don’t want anything to happen to you in a somewhat fragile physical state! And I mean that in a good way! Your mental state is that of a tigress…so sometimes you’ll have to grin and bear it. (ugh!)
Attempted rape, rape and other sexual assault behaviors have 0% to do with how “slutty” a woman is dressing.
No one dresses in a particular way to get raped – there’s a great Scottish commercial where a woman is wearing a short sparkly sequined skirt, and some guy comments, “Look at that! She’s askin’ for it!” Skip to scene of woman shopping, and she asks the saleswoman “I’m trying to pick a skirt that will make a man have sex with me against my will.” She looks at the camera. “As if.”
Seriously. Rape is about power. It’s about domination. It is not about sex. And it has nothing to do with how a woman dresses or her physical appearance.
So, yeah. No one “dresses the part” of a rape victim, and no one has the desire to be raped. 1 out of 6 women are the victim of rape or attempted rape.
And also? Please read, “Female Chauvinist Pig: Women and The Rise of Raunch Culture” by Ariel Levi.
Britt: I used to be a PEER educator at Pitt. I used to tell people that I could walk down the street wearing nothing but cellophane. I wasn’t asking to be raped. The truth is though, I WOULD be asking for attention. . . the wrong kind of attention. I agree with you that dressing slutty doesn’t mean you’re asking to be raped, but it certainly attracts the wrong kind of attention. It certainly calls into question a girls’ level of self-respect. When date rape drugs are super common and girls are getting overly intoxicated out at clubs, bad things can happen. That’s just a fact. I did not in any way, shape or form intend to imply that dressing like a ho means you’re going to get raped. But dressing like that absolutely attracts the wrong kind of attention. I saw entirely too much of that the other night.
All the self-esteem arguments aside, I think that the scene you are describing is VERY common nowadays, and maybe things have changed a lot from 10 years ago (don’t know your age, sorry, not trying to insult if it hasn’t been quite that long! 😉 I mean just listen to the music that’s on the radio, no one can argue that it isn’t much more sexually explicit than was socially acceptable even 10 years ago. Remember when 2 Live Crew was so controversial? Listen to some of their music now, it sounds positively tame in comparison. Basically what I’m trying to get across is that I think what you observed is a function of the direction in which the youngest generation is taking sexuality. I graduated from college in 2005, and I defeintely did my share of superdrunk clubby fun times, and I definitely think that most people acted the way that you are describing your experience the other night. This is a big reason why I don’t drink anymore, even socially, and NEVER go to clubs – it’s simply not fun! I do think that the girl/guy ratio you saw was just that night at that club – was it ladies’ night? Usually there was at least an even mix, if not more guys than girls. And I usually dressed pretty provocatively, to feel sexy, I guess. High heels, short skirts or dresses, etc. and I have a pretty healthy level of self-confidence, I think. It was to attract men, sometimes for sex, sometimes for free drinks, invitation to the afterparty, whatevs. Made me feel pretty to turn heads when I walked in, and honestly I’m glad I had those experiences now that I’ve had 3 kids in 5 years and my body tells the tale.
“Perhaps I’m just getting too old for this club crap.”
Maybe you’re just growing up.
Never piss off the pregnant woman…and that goes double when she’s a black belt.
I’ve had more fun dancing with my kids in my living room than I’ve ever had in a club, and I’m not hungover in the morning.