September 3, 2010

Let’s Hear It for the Boys

Today I received a really crappy email from someone who doesn't know me, has poor reading comprehension skills, and is obviously completely and totally intimidated by a woman who speaks up and out. I'd love to publish the email contents, name of the sender, his website, home address and his email address; but I won't do it. What you should know is that I spoke out on the website Violence Unsilenced a few weeks ago about an attempted rape that happened to me when I was 18 years old and the email directly related to that.

My pet peeves are many, but what tops the chart for me are men who are threatened by women who speak up and out about things. I can't tell you the number of craptastic emails I've received over the years telling me that because I'm a woman in the martial arts, I must be a "man hater," "lover of violence," and that I have "anger issues."

Actually, I have a very healthy respect for my art, and I know when it is appropriate to use and when it's not. I recognize that there are people out there who seek out training so they can be bullies and beat people up. But that's not me. I think of it as a life protection skill and art, and if I should have to protect my life or the lives of my family, you better believe that I am not at all afraid to use what I know.

When I get emails like this, I have to laugh. Ask any man who has trained with me over the years and I am pretty sure they will tell you quite the opposite. In fact, many of my best friends are men. So instead of complaining about guys like the pathetic one who emailed me today and all those who have in the past, I thought I would do the opposite. . .

I'd like to thank all the guys in my dojo who treat me, first and foremost, as a "training partner," not a "female training partner." I'd like to thank every guy who ever let me throw him around in the dojo so I could learn something that could one day save my life.

I'd like to thank all the guys who are perfectly content to have me on their team, because they realize that girls weren't born to be spectators, and that girls can be great teammates and competitors.

I'd like to thank all the guys who talk sports with me without saying stupid stuff like "You like football?" They know that watching a game with me is as good as watching a game with their guy buddies, and that testicles aren't required to love and know about sports.

I'd like to thank my Dad for slamming hockey pucks around with me in the basement as a kid and treating me like a hockey player, complete with checking me into the walls and smacking pucks at me with force. It made it mean more when I scored a goal against him. I knew I had earned it. I'd also like to thank my dad for line-driving baseballs and softballs at me until my hand was stinging in my glove. He didn't treat me like someone who needed to be handled with kid gloves. He treated me like a person who enjoyed sports and could be good at them. And I am.

I'd like to thank my husband who puts up with my competitive nature on a daily basis and is not at all intimidated or upset when I beat him in something, whether it's a swimming race at the pool, a round of beer pong, or a game of Scrabble.

I'd like to encourage all of the wonderful guys out there in the world to speak up, because trust me when I tell you that the guys who think the opposite of what you think are often louder. They speak like they speak for every man and they try to give you all a bad name.

For every crappy email I get like that, and for every chauvinistic and obviously threatened guy I come across, it makes me even more determined to be as strong as I can possibly be. It makes me appreciate, even more, all of the really fantastic men in my life.