July 29, 2010

What the Future Holds

Today I was having a conversation about my knee ordeal and the person I was talking to asked me something that no one has asked me before.

"Are you going to have any long-term problems with your knee?"

I had been relaying my surgery stories without difficulty, but for whatever reason, this question just stopped me. My throat got tight and started burning. The tears were welling up. I had to take a minute to compose myself.

I've been told that I already have arthritis in my knee and that it is likely I'll need a total knee replacement at some point down the road. There has been a lot of trauma to this knee of mine. I embarked on the ACL journey years ago in hopes of avoiding arthritis and knee replacement. No one can say for sure what the future will bring of course, but when I think about what I could be like 20 years from now, it makes me very upset.

Since the stitches have been out, I've been wearing my immobilizer and following instructions. The post-surgical soreness has definitely set in. My tibia is sore and even my skin around my knee feels different, sensitive. I still have quite a bit of swelling so I'm spending the afternoon with my leg elevated. I'm taking it easy. You would think, after going through two previous surgeries, I would remember that it's never as simple as it seems it will be. The recuperation always takes longer than you expect it to take. Frankly, I'm impatient. I'm missing out on swimming with my girls and they can tell you that it's no fun at all, having a Mommy who can't do much of anything during their summer vacation.

Tomorrow, the immobilizer is gone and I'll be figuring out how to get my muscles to walk normally again. I imagine it will take a couple days to loosen things up and start walking normally again.

It's going to be weeks before I'll be able to take this knee out for a test run and exercise and get active again. Only time will tell whether or not things will get back to some semblance of normal or not. My fingers are crossed and I'm hoping for the best. It's the prospect of more knee business in the future that lingers always.