July 7, 2009

The Desire to be Better

Tonight there were only three of us in class, including the teacher. Allow me to let you in on a little secret. Even when you're a black belt, it's still possible to be the one on the training floor with the least amount of experience. It's still possible to feel like a complete and total beginner.

I had sort of hoped that the promotion would bring with it less self-doubt and that I'd catch on to stuff more quickly but that's definitely not true. Where are the black belts with super powers people? Mine was not pre-loaded! Tonight I had to resist the temptation to tap it and say "Is this thing on?"

We started off with simple moving blocking drills and then, as always on Monday night classes, things got a little more challenging. Soon we were working on off-balancing techniques. Then it was no longer in a straight line and it was free form. One attacker, one person working the techniques.

I found myself getting really frustrated at times. For the most part, I was able to get out of the way of the incoming attacks (besides the overhead strike that landed on my eyebrow and a few others that didn't repel away from me like I had sort of hoped they would. Oh yeah, and minus the time I went skidding across the floor on my butt like some cartoon character), but I was putting myself in such a position where I was eliminating any opportunity for a counter-strike.

Thankfully my teacher, who's been taking martial arts since he was practically in diapers, has super powers. He seems to have the ability to be able to read my thoughts, notice exactly what I'm doing wrong, and simultaneously figure out how to help me fix it.

It happens in baby steps, but at one point I was not moving on the 45 naturally and an hour later, without even realizing I was doing it, I was moving the way I was supposed to be moving. He mentioned that I was doing it right, at which point I probably thought about it and screwed it all back up again; but that's just me and the way I train.

Working drills like these can be so overwhelming. It's impossible to think about your feet, the way you move, your hands, keeping a point of contact with your attacker, figuring out a way to off-balance your attacker, and even just breathing, all at the same time. That's the whole point though. You're not supposed to think about it. You're supposed to feel it and just let things happen (Tell that to a control freak like me). Turning the mind off is perhaps the most difficult thing of all to accomplish.

By the end of the night I was far from perfect, but I was a long way from where I had been only two hours earlier. This is why people continue to train, because you are always learning something new and the desire to be better than you were two hours ago, two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago, two decades ago, is a constant pull on a martial artist who truly loves the martial arts.