February 25, 2009
The Trouble with Getting Involved
In my Composition class last semester, we spent a couple weeks debating and writing position papers about issues. Some of them were touchy. Students were asked to read two essays each featuring an opposing viewpoint. Then, they were divided up into groups. Depending on how students felt about the issue, some students were forced to take a look at and create arguments to support something they felt the opposite about. It was a great exercise in critical thinking skills and students learned that the best way to make their argument stronger was to study the opposition.
One of the issues that the students wanted to tackle was altruism. Do people help other people out of the goodness of their hearts or do they do it for selfish reasons, to feel good about themselves for helping someone else?
This was the hottest debate of all the issues in class. I had several EMTs in the class and they were extremely vocal about their own personal experiences. They didn't do what they do, sometimes putting themselves in sticky situations, for themselves. They did it to help others. A selfless act. Period.
To introduce this issue, I told the students a personal story that I'd like to share with you too.
When I was a freshman in college, a scary thing happened on campus one day. I was returning to my dorm at the University of Pittsburgh and I noticed a large crowd of people standing around the lobby and the entrance to the cafeteria. In order to get to my dorm, I had to walk through the crowd of people. I figured it was just an exciting menu that day (as if that was possible), but I was very wrong.
When I got closer to the crowd, I realized that the people were gathered around a fight. There were at least 50 people standing in a circle around the fight, maybe more. I got a good look at what was going on inside the circle and it wasn't pretty. A group of guys, who clearly didn't belong on campus, and who definitely were not students at Pitt were beating the living daylights out of a freshman student. There were three guys beating up this one kid and he was not looking good.
He staggered around barely able to stand. Blood was coming out of his nose and mouth. His eyes were already swollen. His face had been beaten to a pulp. I don't know what happened before I got there, but the three guys doing the damage were taking their time with it, enjoying this kids inability to do anything but stagger around, and enjoying every drop of blood that was landing on the floor. The kid clearly needed help.
I quickly scanned the circle. I noticed some of my friends, big guys, who were standing there watching. No one was enjoying what was happening, with the exception of the three guys delivering the beating, but no one was doing anything to help.
I didn't make a conscious decision to do what I did. I just did what my body made me do. Before I knew it, I was charging into the middle of the circle, grabbing the kids arm, pulling it around my shoulder as he could barely walk, and quickly removing him from the circle. I walked him out of the circle as the group of people parted. I remember the three guys saying something, but I shot them a look and kept moving. I just had to keep moving. . . quickly. I remember screaming for people to get out of my way and looking at them incredulously. How could someone stand there and watch someone be beaten like that?
I made my way to the office where they kept the vacuum cleaners. I knew that door locked. I yelled at the woman who was working there at the window that day to "Open the door NOW!". She buzzed me in and I got the kid in the office and behind a locked door.
Moments later, the campus police and the Pittsburgh City Police arrived and began chasing the guys who were beating the kid up. A few moments after that, the ambulance arrived. They strapped that kid onto a stretcher. He didn't even know where he was as they wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance.
When it was all over, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. It had been terrifying, but none of that hit me until after it was over. I told the campus police what I had witnessed and then found my friends.
None of them could believe I had just walked into that circle and grabbed the kid. Personally, I couldn't believe I was the only person who did walk into that circle! When someone is in trouble, I was raised to help them. I heard it through the campus gossip that the kid spent days in the hospital and had suffered a major concussion among other injuries. He had been targeted by a bunch of thugs for no apparent reason. A bunch of jerks decided to walk onto campus and find an easy target.
I used this example to bring up the issue of altruism. I let the students ask me questions about it. I had absolutely nothing to gain by walking into that circle, but what if I hadn't? I would be haunted by the fact that I didn't help. What if one more hit to the head would have done him in completely? What if I would have allowed that to happen instead of stepping in? Did they think I had done it out of the goodness of my heart or had I done it to feel good about myself?
I told them the answer was really neither. To decide to do something for someone whether out of the goodness of your heart or for selfish reasons takes thought. There was no thought in my actions. There was just action. I never thought about the possible consequences until much later. It was just the right thing to do, and it was a complete gut reaction. From the moment I realized what was happening until the moment I entered that circle, it was only seconds.
Why do I bring this up? The Nigel Haskell McDonald's thing has me really worked up.
When I stepped into that circle, bad things could have happened. Those thugs could have targeted me. I could have been hit. I took a major risk by walking into that circle, but here's the thing, I didn't consciously make that decision. I didn't decide to move into that circle and help the kid. I just did. I know that I did the right thing.
What if one of those guys had a gun or a knife? What then? What if I had been stabbed or shot? Would people be saying I'm stupid? That I escalated the situation? That I should have waited for the cops? I'm sure they would. But when it was happening there was no choice. There was someone who needed my help and I gave it.
I'm quite certain that Nigel Haskell reacted the same way, not logically and not thinking about the possible consequences, but rather, "this is wrong" and "I need to do something." Or maybe, like me entering that circle, there wasn't even a thought until it was all over. Maybe it was his gut that moved him to come to the woman's aid like my gut moved me to help that poor guy.
In instances like this, it's very easy for those who observe to pass judgement about how a person reacted. Hindsight though, is almost always 20/20. The heat of the moment isn't quite so simple and lucid.
Given that, what would you have done if you had witnessed what Nigel Haskell did? Would you have intervened? Called the police from your cell without intervening? Ignored it altogether? What would you have done if the man continued to hit the woman? Could you have stood by doing nothing? Would you have intervened then? What's the right thing to do in a situation like this for an ordinary citizen? What's the right thing to do from a martial arts perspective?
What would you have done given the situation as it was? What would you have done if the man had continued his beating on the woman? What then? I'm all ears. I think this is an important discussion for society and especially for martial artists.
Intuitive or not, the big difference I see is that you moved in to HELP the victim. Had you moved in and attacked the three guys, the outcome would likely have been much difference. Instead of tackling the guys, you grabbed the freshman and removed himself (and yourself) from the situation.
I am not suggesting that Nigel was trying to do the right thing. I just think that, in his situation, he made things much worse and it’s unfortunate.
Ultimately, we all do what we think is right. But, had those guys stabbed you a couple times, causing a couple hundred grand in medical bills, would you sue the college?
No, but I wasn’t employed by the college. Actually, come to think of it, campus security could have acted faster than they did. It took a while for them to arrive, so I don’t know. Maybe I would have, although I’m not really the sue happy type.
BBM
Oh, I also want to say that I think you handled it VERY well and I’ll remember that. Had Nigel benefited from your example, perhaps he would’ve gone out, taken the woman to a back room where she would be safe until the cops arrived and the situation would have ended differently.
Say you were an employee of the college… say it happens at school now. You see an altercation and get stabbed. Do you feel that the college should be legally obligated to pay your medical bills?
Agreed about Nigel, but I doubt he was thinking clearly. He was probably just super pissed that some guy had hit a girl. Like I said, logical thought doesn’t always enter the equation.
BBM
Well, if I’m on campus because I work there and I get stabbed, yes, I think they should help with my medical bills. When I was teaching I had to break up a fight once. It was in a 10th grade classroom. I was pregnant at the time. I simply stood inbetween the two kids and with my go-go-gadget-insanely-long-arms held them apart until they calmed down as I talked them down, I called for assistance, and they each went to the office separately. If I had been hurt, during the course of doing my job, I would expect the employer to pay for any medical bills. That’s the definition of worker’s comp.
BBM
An excellent example of group think – I’ll bet the kid was glad you were there. Sometimes it is just the right thing to do. I broke up a fight with my neighbors one time when that had grabbed crowbars – luckily they respected me and stopped but afterwards I was questioning my actions.
Great insightful post but I agree when the deck is so obviously stacked against a probable victim – it would be hard not to act.
This is a different situation than the McDonald’s guy, though. McDonald’s not paying worker’s comp for actions resulting in injury that were outside the scope of employment and actually prohibited by his employer is a fair and just response on the corporation’s part. Worker’s comp is not designed for that, nor should it be used for that.
Personally, I don’t know if I’d help someone that I don’t know beyond calling the police. I have a different worldview on that than you do, though.
You should be applauded for your actions (and, with all due respect, your friends at the scene should be scolded; if there were at least equal numbers, they could have easily diffused the situation before the kid was badly hurt).
About 15 years ago I was in Manhattan, waiting for a traffic light to change before crossing a street (believe or not, many people do this =grin=). A woman stepped off the curb but hadn’t formally entered the intersection, and turned her head to the right, watching for a break in the one-traffic in order to cross (not uncommon in any city). From her blind side, going the wrong way on the one-way street, a bike messenger nearly hit her as he raced up the block. He swerved, but in order to avoid the oncoming traffic, spun out and spilled across the cross walk.
Fortunately for all concerned, he didn’t get run over by any of the traffic around him. He shouted expletives at the gal, blaming her for his problems. The light changed, and she walked on, ignoring him. He took his air pump off his bike and yelled “Where do you think you’re going, bitch?” Now this guy was taller than I was, obviously fit (and this was 10 years before my martial arts training), but I wasn’t going to let him ‘club’ a woman with an air-pump.
As I got in between them, and with the guy yelling at me to back down, a cop stepped up, having watched the whole scene. I quietly retreated and continued on my way.
Undoubtedly, I would not have fared well had the guy attacked me, but I don’t think I could have lived with myself had he (possibly) attacked the woman, whose only ‘crime’ would possibly have been jay-walking.
Nice example here, I think that really helps illustrate how quickly these situations devolve. And, like you said, most of the time a conscious decision is replaced by instinct reaction.
I actually hadn’t heard this story before I don’t think!
This is so interesting to me. I read recently that soldiers who run into harm’s way to rescue their colleagues – for which they earn metals – report the exact same response. For example, when asked if they were afraid, they usually say that they were completely focused on the save and weren’t thinking of anything else.
lol “medals”
eeggh! I am one who is known for following the gut reaction. Although I have helped with several car accidents in the past, there have been scarier things where I jumped into the fray and could have had crap results. I don’t know what I would have done if there had been worse than a positive outcome.
I have come between a wife beater and his victim (I’m a chick). My husband gets really angry, but again, I couldn’t help it. My mother taught me to do the right thing and she never qualified it with, “unless you’re in danger.” I suppose should intervention be needed and I don’t get hurt, I will never second guess what I do. Maybe not even if I ended up hurt. It’s a pickle for sure.
When it’s happening, you just don’t think. You act. I’m glad to hear someone else did too.
BBM
Oh, I’m a woman with many stories. I have to save them so I have blog fodder. š I’m surprised I didn’t tell you that one though. It was very scary!
That’s interesting. I have a book on my reading list about this stuff. I need to get to it. I didn’t even notice the “metals.” š Thanks for your comments!
BBM
Once, I got between some big jerk and my then boyfriend/now husband. My husband was irritated with me for getting in the middle, but I was SO upset I couldn’t help myself. The guy was being a total prick, and there I was, a good 7 inches below both of them.
I guess the thing is, you don’t really think about the end result. You just do what your body makes you do.
BBM
body{font-family: Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:9pt;background-color: #ffffff;color: black;}TypePadTotally off topic – What are you using in Typepad to make comments work like this???—–Original Message—–
It’s called Typepad Connect Comments. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I’m still not sure if I really like it or not.
BBM
Hey, calling the police is better than nothing. Many wouldn’t even do that.
BBM
That’ll teach me to read emails from Typepad. I’ve jumped right into the deep end on it – it is a little scary what a big change it seems to be on the back end – and that comments now will disappear if I try to go back – but threads and replying via email??? And if I reply to a comment, the commenter gets an email??? Yeah, I had to jump on that. Maybe this will help me finally manage my comments really effectively. (Ha! Well, we’ll see.)
I know, the whole disappearing thing bothers me too. I figure that they’ll fix that though eventually if I ever want to go back.
BBM
Wow, BBM, I knew this story and it still amazes me! A couple of years ago, in the middle of the night, I heard a woman screaming outside somewhere. I’m not sure if it was a dream, or if I really heard it. Remodel Man thought he heard it, too. I couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from. I wanted to call the police, but didn’t know what to tell them except that I heard a woman screaming. I didn’t make that call and still to this day I am haunted by my inaction. Good for you and for all those who get involved.
You know though, hearing a woman off in the night somewhere (especially when you live near a college campus) and not calling, is a lot different than not acting when you know the situation and it’s right in front of you. I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much. I will tell you though, that if you’re ever being attacked, yell “fire” because people come to look. General screaming doesn’t do much good.
BBM
That McDonald’s incident is something else. I’m surprised it hasn’t received more coverage. But your story from college is especially interesting. It flies in the face of the so-called “Bystander effect” where the more people are in the presence of a person being victimized, the less likely someone will step forward to help. Good for you. (It’s amazing how from no-thought or mushin acts of courage, wisdom or just doing the right thing spontaneously come about in the event of an emergency.)
I became involved a situation when I lived in Chicago. Two cars with a man in one and a woman in the other were going down our street. The man was screaming at the woman in the other car and trying to get in front of her and block her vehicle. This went on down blocks of chicagos lakeshore. I walked and jogged along side to witness whatever might happen. I also yelled up to a woman looking out a window to call police. After he blocked her car he got out of his went back to hers and leaned through her driverside window and they began to fight over her purse. He won the tug of war. As he returned to his car she followed hime ultimately reaching throught her window for her purse.As he tryed to drive away she fell and the rear wheel drove over her leg. I was so insenced I ran along side the and reached in an grabbed the driver by his hair. I extricated him and mounted him on the curb.
Of course this was just as 4 Chicago squad cars pulled up. I don’t know if you all know much about chicago police but… it seemed like an eternity untill they were interested in me getting an opportunity to explain why there where 2 empty running vehicles one screaming woman 6 bystanders and me mounted on a much bigger man screaming “ON THE CURB MUt^$ FUK^%R!!! NOW !!! ON THE CURB!!!.
I can’t really say I made a choice to become involved. I was furious that someone would do what the guy had done. I justjumped in the fray. The woman sought me out a few days later to explain the situation.
The short story is the guy turned out to be one of the biggest drug dealers in the north end of chicago. It only took that incident (and 1 arson and 1 murder in our apartment building) to decide suburban life looked pretty good. Kansas looked even better.
Hello BBM ā
Dropped by on a snowy afternoon here in the Boston area after watching the Celts lose to the Pistons. (The Pistons?!?!).
Ah, this is an interesting topic indeed. Donāt normally do this but, ok, Iāll bite down on the hook.
Let us define altruism: āthe principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of othersā, which is the opposite of egoism.
May we say altruism; in the realm of emotion is simply compassion and empathy for another? If we agree, then the next question is: Where does this compassion and empathy come from? What makes YOU or anyone else feel this way about this issue with Haskell?
First, let us answer the question. Compassion and empathy are derivatives of love, are they not? I expect that you react the way you do about Haskell because it is obvious there is something in your past that has influenced your thinking which your mind has made into a belief. It could be upbringing, environmental, a singular event, or some combination of all. Itās not just you BBM, but all of us. We all have these and what they are is irrelevant. What is relevant is how the mind transmutes those thoughts and events into beliefs that we hold true and absolute. Those āeventsā are processed by our brains in the moments they occurred, organized into neat and incalculably complex networks known as memories. Sewn into those memories are the emotional components of the moment as well. Each time we learn something, we recall the past knowledge of it, compare it, contrast it, and update the file in our brain. The network of memories that we all have make up our knowledge base and from this we derive our sense of self, identity, and belief system. Iām oversimplifying but hereās an example to drive home the point.
Say you meet a real jerk in your composition class and then, through circumstance, you are assigned to work on a semester long project with this person. You dread the thought of working with this person because you think they are a real jerk (first impression). Why dread? Because your memory of this person contains the emotion of dislike or resentment.
After several weeks of working together, you come to find this person is not a jerk but actually a real nice person and you just āmisreadā them the first time. What happened here? Your first impression was of a jerk and you were certain of it. But each time you experienced their company, you refined your past memory of the person to the point where you actually LIKED the person and respected them. This is an example of how we as humans learn. All learning is through the eyes of the mind and is based on the past. The Eastern term for this is karma. Even if this person became the best friend you ever had, you would always remember the first time you met them that they were a real jerk. Hence the saying, āfirst impressions are lasting impressionsā.
So, we agree that everything we learn is based on the past, yes? Now, let us restate the question: Why does Nigel Haskell have you āall worked upā? Because, you feel a principle that you believe in has been violated. Not I believe in or some of your readers believe in, but YOU believe in. Why you? Well, we all believe that what we believe is the absolute truth. The reality (and warning, this scares many people) is that what they believe is true is actually all relative and not absolute. If you hate mustard, that doesnāt mean everyone else does. Your hate of mustard is a relative belief in the same way as you believe Nigel Haskell should be treated a certain way by McDās. Even as you write your blog, you write from a position of ārightnessā, a position of relative beliefs which makes for good reading and debate but isnāt necessarily true for all people. What you believe is right doesnāt make it right. Look no further than Communism as exhibit A.
Consider the martial arts angle. What, as martial artists, should we do in a fight? Should we fight from a position of mindlessness, fear, and/or anger or should we fight from a position of equanimity? If we fight from a position of non-composure, we lose control of our senses and our ability to safely deliver us from the situation. If I rush into a fight and start throwing haymakers and kicks, which is to fight from a position of ego, I run the risk of a more mindful opponent waiting for the chance to really hurt me. And chances are, they will. Mushin, or no-mind, is the transcendence of oneās ego into a state of equanimity. Is it not?
The word ādojoā means āthe Way placeā. The Way to what you ask? Figure that out and youāll see this issue with Haskell with absolute clarity. In fact, youāll see a lot the world with absolute clarity. The study of martial arts is not about being healthy and strong or powerful, martial arts is about self control, composure, and being able to see clearly in oneās mind on how to defeat an opponent. If you make martial arts about belts and goals, you undermine the whole point of it.
Do you think Ben Rothlisberger hits Santonio Holmes for the game winner in the Super Bowl without composure? Brady, Rothlisberger, Montana, all the greats have the ability to slow down the moment to see clearly. Thatās the difference between them and Kordell Stewart.
And so BBM, if you are truly empathetic and compassionate (and you no doubt are by reading your blog), then it stands to reason that you must be able to put yourself in McDonalds shoes as well, yes? Should they pay $300K for Mr. Haskell to mindlessly tackle a guy who hit his girlfriend in the very restaurant that employs him? What if YOU owned the McDonalds? Would you pay up knowing that it explicitly says not to do such a thing in the employee manual? Are you prepared to finance someoneās medical bills for losing their composure? Would your family agree to this?
Having said all that (and that was a lot), what would I do about Mr. Haskell? I would have called the cops and let them handle it. Thatās their job and their role in society. They have guns, weapons, and training. Thatās the answer. Thereās an old saying: āThe wise see the world as it is, not as they wish it to beā. You have two people who lack composure and understanding (the guy with the gun and Haskell) and the event that occurred is nothing more than a manifestation of the egoic world we live in. Thatās it and nothing more. If it was my wife or kids, thatās different. I have a vested interest and taking a bullet for them to ensure their well-being as Iām sure you would do the same for yours. But for me to take two bullets and jeopardize my role as a father and husband for this guyās girlfriend, run up $300K in medical bills is not only foolish but shows lack of composure and weak-mindedness.
So, I feel for Haskell and his family. On the surface, it seemed like a noble and high-minded thing to do, but sadly, this is the world we live in today. Me, you, or anyone else wishing it wasnāt doesnāt make it so. Having said that, the world is a beautiful and magnificent place that is to be cherished. Iām sure the woman who lost her battle with cancer felt that way near the end of her days. My best to you and your family. Hope the new house is good and that your knee is fully recovered.
Enjoyed thinking about this topic.
Regards,
Pinan
This happened over 15 years ago while I was living in Memphis, before I had children. My late-husband and I were on our way home, just started rolling after the traffic light turned green. On the sidewalk to my right, there was a boy on a bike, & 2 bigger kids beside him. One of them started seriously punching the kid on the bike while the other blocked him so he couldn’t get off his bike.
I pointed and screeched, husband pulled over (not a small man, he, 6’4″) but before he could put the truck in park, I had my door open, was screaming “Get your f-ing hands off my son, you bleepity bleepin f-ing bleeps!” The bigger boys ran, the kid on the bike looked at me and peddaled away. I’m sure I looked insane.
Maybe. But it worked and that’s all that mattered. I bet that kid was glad to see you!
BBM
Maybe. But it worked and that’s all that mattered. I bet that kid was glad to see you!
BBM
I’ve never been in this type of situation before. I honestly don’t know what I’d do; as I was reading your story, my first thought was that I’d call the cops, then step in and try to stop the fight by distracting the bad guys, but that’s just in my mind, and I’m quite the hero in my imagination. I would like to think that I’d step in and help if I witnessed something.