January 19, 2009

Who Designs This Stuff Anyway?

The girls are at a playdate today and I've had hours to myself. I spent part of my day shopping. I went to Gymboree and spent my Gymbucks with perfection-only $1.74 over my target amount. I was going to stop by KB toys to pick up a toy for a birthday party we have this coming weekend, but they are going out of business and I didn't really think a 1-year old would appreciate store shelves. Yes, everything must go.

When I realized that was futile, I thought I'd try to find a new pair of jeans. I got some kind of oil stain on my current favorites that just won't come out. Plus, they're becoming less and less of a favorite thanks to my hard work at the gym so it was time for a new pair.

I first went in Gap. Because sizes are completely different from store to store, I took back everything from a 4 Regular to an 8 Long. Not a single pair was purchase worthy unless I feel like being a plumber. I don't get why clothing designers can't get that little hip to waist ratio right. Girls are not straight from top to bottom. I tried on about 10 pairs and decided it wasn't my day.

Then I remembered The Limited. In the past I've been able to find pants there and they're always long enough. I walked to that end of the mall and did a scan of the general area. My beloved Limited is now a car showroom.

As I did a scan of the surrounding stores, I realized I was in teeny bopper hell. And not just teeny bopper hell, but rather teens trying to look like they work the streets hell. What the hell?

I figured I'd try one more store and went into Express. I know the economy is bad, but there were two employees for the entire store and not a one was about to help me find a suitable size. I was about to throw in the towel. I was stupid to wear a fleece zip-up pullover and a heavy down coat to the mall. I was breaking out in a serious sweat.

I took three pairs back to the dressing room and tried them on. I quickly realized that designers aren't worried about the hip to waist ratio because apparently they think that all girls have really fat ankles. What is up with these flare jeans that are wide enough to fit a tire? Sorry, but this hug the heiney, show the crack, squeeze your thighs in and then let your ankles breathe business is ridiculous.

So I ended up in my favorite store, Ann Taylor Loft (not at the mall). I tried on a couple pairs of jeans, but I know they are going to be half an inch too short as soon as I wash them. I need to order online.In addition to jeans I was looking for some kind of "going out" top to wear for my birthday party. Ann Taylor Loft didn't really have anything, so I was out of luck.

Were you aware that the new going out shirt styles are completely incompatible with any and every type of bra ever manufactured? I swear clothing designers are creating clothing for women with fake ones exclusively. Real ones need a bra. If you don't want the "support your own boobs" look, then your only other choice is this baggy business and seriously, I couldn't figure out where my head was supposed to go. When the sleeve openings are as wide and baggy as the neck opening, it's time to call the fashion police. That stuff doesn't flatter anyone. Don't kid yourself if you think it does.

It occurred to me as I was driving home that maybe I'm getting old. But then I decided I am not going to accept that. Most teenagers who walk around wearing that stuff look ridiculous and that's not just old people talk. I don't start every sentence with "When I was a youngin'" and T.I.'s Paper Trail is currently my favorite ~~album~~ download. I'm not old!

Nope. I refuse to accept it. I like to dress nice and stylish when I go out and there has got to be a place that makes clothes for women like me. Where are you??? Any ideas people? This girl is desperate.