April 30, 2008

What’s the what’s the what’s the scenario?

The agent who showed our home for the third time on Monday night has yet to make contact with our realtor. Despite it being their third time here, and taking pictures galore, nothing, still. My agent called today and he sounds as baffled and frustrated as we do. So in the interest of keeping my sanity, I’ve come up with some possible scenarios:

1. The buyers came and were disappointed by the brand new flooring in the kitchen and the new carpet. Apparently they like the "rustic" look of faded linoleum and 16-year old worn pink carpet was just what they were looking for. They also planned on making Lil C’s blue ocean room into an in-house beach so they were disappointed to see it painted so neutral and non-ocean-like. Because they must realize the work that we put into the place, they are trying to figure out a way they can ask us to retrieve the pink carpet from some landfill somewhere and put it back. They’re also trying to figure out how they can get us to repaint the ocean room.

Scenario result: Mr. BBM and I will launch empty paint cans at them from afar and tell them to kiss it.

2. The buyers are psychologists and/or have studied the psychology of buying a house. They want our house badly but they are being careful not to appear too eager. Instead they will wait and wait and wait to appear "neutral." Their agent has asked our agent to call him if another offer might be forthcoming so they are going to just wait it out until that happens hoping we might drop our price and they might get our place for a steal (which it totally already is losers).

Scenario result: This "psychology" is really starting to tick us off. So much so, that any offer that’s not full price and without contingencies will probably be scoffed at by the BBM family. Psychology doesn’t work on people like us. In fact, no psychologist would even attempt to try to figure us out. We’re just that weird. End result? We will probably tell the buyers to kiss it. Are you sensing a theme here?

3. The buyers were on their way to the office to write up an offer when a gigantic T-rex came storming out of the forest and devoured them whole, agent and all.

Scenario result: The BBM family will probably still talk badly about potential buyers because they should have written up an offer a long time ago, which would have helped them avoid the night of the dreaded T-rex.

4. The buyers are working on getting a pre-approval and haven’t had time to sit down and write up the offer because they are busy, busy people.

Scenario result: Waiting makes BBM’s unhappy so we will probably counter offer 10K above asking, just for stressing us out. Jerks.

5. Like in "Lost", the buyers and their agent have been whisked away to some planet that looks like Earth and feels like Earth, but it’s totally not. Perhaps in that world, they’ve already made an offer and our alternate selves have accepted it and they’re already moving in, so there’s no need to come back to this Earth and go through the whole process.

Scenario result: Locke is totally going to take one of them out and the surviving one will come crawling back to this Earth to try to get our house. We’ll be so sick of waiting that we’ll probably tell them to kiss it anyway.

Why can’t some other buyer come in and make us an offer we can’t refuse? I’m sick of dealing with these people and their lousy communication skills. Please take the afternoon off from crossing everything for us. At this point, I think it’s more likely that a T-Rex will buy our house.