December 23, 2007

Going mobile

Hi. Papa Bradstein here.

I’m not a black belt. I did receive a green belt in Tae Kwon Do, and I might be a brown belt in smart assedness (assifying?). The closest I come to having black belt skills is likely in biking, even if I can’t always keep my head up and the wheels down.

Also, I’m not a Mama. However, I am a Papa, although I’ll never be a black belt Papa, since fatherhood is a daily mobius-strip journey of 1,000 miles, with most of the miles being racked up in a loop that runs between 3B’s crib, changing pad, diaper pail, toy chest, Barky’s water dish, with detours to any heavy, sharp, dangerous, or toxic items 3B can get his little mitts on.

Even though I’m still a white-belt Papa, BBM was kind enough to ask me to guest post. And, despite the fact that I store bleach on the coffee table behind 3B’s high chair every so often someone writes to me with a parenting question.

Recently, I got one from Samantha that touched on several pet peeves of mine, including the bee-boopification of childhood as well as the Calderification of cribs, changing tables, and strollers. After further consideration, however, I do amend my original answer below. (Over on my blog, I also finally replied to her follow up question about babies sleeping and diaper changes, because really, who can talk enough about poop?)

Question: Crib mobiles. I don’t get it. Like, the kid goes in there to sleep. Why turn one of those on to further stimulate him? And he can’t do it himself as a self-soothing thing–it’s gotta be parent operated. Is there something I’m missing? Clue me in. Do you have one? Do/did you use it? Like/hate? Help. Same with crib toys. Don’t understand. I would think that would just keep them awake when they wanted to play? Or as a parent as long as you don’t have to get them in the middle of the night, that’s a good thing?

First–I’m so excited for you. I’m glad to hear that everything is going well with you and baby.

OK, on to mobiles…I don’t understand crib mobiles–or changing table mobiles, for that matter–for the reasons you list. I suppose that the thinking goes like this…baby has to be on his/her back, and to sleep, baby needs to be distracted from all the distractions in the room. I suppose that this works for some babies, but I suspect that mobiles are mostly for those who need to give parents gifts.

Also, mobiles are a pain. You may recall my post about setting up the g.d. crib, which would have only taken an hour if it weren’t for the g.d. mobile.

Here’s a few other things to consider about mobiles:

The kid can’t see great distances, like, over eight inches, for several weeks, which puts the mobile–and any distractions that it’s supposed to be distracting him from–out of his focal range for several weeks.
The music that comes with the mobiles can be grating, irritating, infuriating, and bad in every other way imaginable–and every song is an earworm.
You will bump the mobile every time you’re laying your kid down to sleep–after having spent hours, days, and months trying to get him to sleep, at which time you will be hallucinating from sleep deprivation, your shoulders will be aching like a stevedore’s, and your spine will be irreparably hunched over in the shape of a shepherd’s crook, and at which time the mobile will make a sound, play some music, brush his face, whatever–it will wake the baby up, at which time you will light it on fire and throw it off of your balcony–the mobile, that is, not the baby.
A mobile over a changing table is nothing but a cute, fuzzy poop magnet…don’t ask how poop would get up there–it just would. Since you’re having a boy, it will get peed on too–ever tried to put a mobile in the washing machine?
By the time the kid can see the mobile, the music will engage him enough to keep him awake.
By the time the kid is moving and agile enough to interact with the mobile, he’s going to be up on his hands and knees, at which time you have to take the mobile down, since it’s now a hazard.

I’ve never understood crib toys, although at 3B’s current age–17 months–I could see how they would perhaps give him something to do when he wakes up. But, they would also be something to step on to help him escape–something he would love to have, but that we’re not so keen on.

Also, he doesn’t need anything to distract him when he wakes up. He’s perfectly happy chattering away to himself, looking around the room, sucking his thumb, playing with his lovie, and rolling around until we come in. If he’s really upset, he’ll stand up and let us know, but that’s a rare event. We do have a Curious George doll in there for him, but he almost never gives George the time of day. The one thing we did consider was a mirror, you know, because our son is as smart as a parakeet, but we never got our act together to find a nonbreakable one.

Amendment: All that said, we did have a wonderful mobile next to our glider that amused and engaged 3B. We would pivot it away whenever we were rocking him to sleep there, so there might be a place for a mobile somewhere in your home.

Also, I’ve heard mobiles can help pass the time if you’re laid up with, say, a just-repaired knee. Because what better to do than watch fuzzy sheep float by and listen to the bee-boop version of Brahms’ lullaby for the 63,476th time?

Hope you feel better soon, BBM, even if only to keep me from ever besmirching your name with a guest post again.