October 30, 2007

Because the World Should Revolve Around ME!

My MRI is scheduled for Wednesday, November 7th. Let that sink in for a moment. Check your calendar. Do you see what today’s date is?

NOVEMBER 7TH! That is over a WEEK AWAY!

I don’t have my follow-up appointment until Friday, November 9.

Seriously.

Do these people not realize that I have a 2-year old!?! By the time I can actually walk on my own, my house is going to be destroyed; and I can NOT STAND just sitting here on my butt doing nothing. That MRI date was the earliest I could get in at any one of the four locations. I just want to scream. I realize there are other people who have appointments before me, and other people who have more important conditions; but I am a Mom with two little girls and not being able to walk is not an option! Not knowing what the future holds for me and my knee is also driving me nuts. I want to get the results, make a decision, and get moving, literally.

I also have to say that the questions the scheduler lady asked me were not comforting. "Did you ever have metal in your eye? Have you ever had surgery? Is there any possibility that you have metal pieces floating around in your body?" O.k. so those weren’t her exact words, but that was basically the jist of it. It got me to thinking, could I have metal in my eye and not know it? I mean, I think I’d know it, but my GOD!

And, what if my OB stuck a paper clip up in there when I was having Big I, just to torment me in case I ever needed an MRI, as punishment for screaming too much. What if I ate a sandwich and there was a piece of aluminum foil stuck in the bread and I didn’t realize it, and that piece of foil is now embedded in my ribs or something? What about deodorant with aluminum in it? Will I be propelled by the magnetic force right into the top of that tube by my armpits??? Do you see why this needs to happen sooner as opposed to later? I can’t stand waiting. My brain doesn’t deal well with the waiting game. My brain makes me google, google, google, and before you know it, I have worked myself up into a frenzy.

Her last question was, "Are you claustrophobic?" Of course I’m claustrophobic! Would BBM be anything but claustrophobic!?! Luckily my sister knows a guy who does MRI’s for a living. She called him up and he said I would go into the tube feet first, and that since I’m tall, at minimum, my head will probably stick out of the tube. I’m thinking that a bottle of wine wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring along to the MRI. Stick that wine in an IV for me please.

While I’m ranting, I have to say that I can NOT WAIT until the November elections are over. My phone rings every 20 minutes with recorded voices saying things like, "My husband is Tex Evasion and he is not a liar. His opponent, Larry Liesalot is spreading horrible rumors and saying that we don’t pay our taxes when that just ain’t true."

Like I said before, tell me what you CAN DO for me (like can you get me an MRI any faster, for example), not what your opponent can’t, and be above all the lies and stupid stuff. I can’t stand it. You know, when I got out of junior high, I was so thankful. All the petty crap was supposed to stop, but you know what? It doesn’t. People do not grow up. Adults are just junior high kids in big boy/girl bodies.

I’m especially loving the calls from a certain candidate for Sheriff. His tag line is "Keep (this county) safe." Dude? Have you seen the crime rate around here? You may have been in office for 20-some years, but the string of shootings and other crimes nearby don’t indicate that this county is safe and/or that you’re doing anything to keep it that way. Get a new tag line, maybe one like "I’ll try harder" and mean it.

Also, charity calls. I gave to an organization a couple years ago when the tsunami hit and since then, they are bugging me non-stop. If they would use the money they use to send me letters every other week, and the money they spend on hiring people to call me every 15 minutes for eight days in a row before I finally pick up that pesky phone call from Nevada, then they wouldn’t have to ask me for money all the time. I’m looking at months and months of co-pays for rehab and most likely a surgery (the research I’ve done is not encouraging for rehab alone); and I seriously can not help the Sudan right now. I just can’t.

Although I love my alma mater, they need to leave me alone as well. I can’t stand how they just continue talking despite the fact that you’re protesting and telling them, "No, sorry, I can’t right now. It’s not a good time." It’s enough to make a girl scream. If I wasn’t waiting to hear back from my doctor about making a PT appointment, I’d turn the phone off completely.

When I was in labor with Lil C, I went to my "happy place" during the bad contractions. I imagined I was sitting on a beach in the Outer Banks. Maybe I should try to go to my happy place now.

But wait.

In this instance, my happy place makes me think about those funny guys with metal detectors who walk around the beach looking for treasure. Maybe I should get me one of those, in addition to the gorilla, so that I can pre-screen for any anomalies before my MRI. Anyone have a metal detector I can borrow?

***Is there a post of mine that you just loved? I’ve been asked to come up with my top ten posts and considering there are about 350 of them, I have no idea where to begin. So, if you have a favorite (or ten) drop me a comment or an email and let me know. Thanks!

***If you’d like to read about someone who can use their legs, check out The BBM Review. Ikigai108 just reviewed a cool heavy bag.