October 26, 2007

I’m NOT. . .

I am not writing about sparring tonight for the first time at my new dojo.

I am not writing about how I thought things went fairly well and that I was moderately pleased with how I sparred, despite my nerves, despite taking some kicks, punches and doing some stupid things.

I am not writing about how with 30 seconds left in the last sparring match of the night, I threw up a right snap kick and when I did, my left knee went completely backwards.

I am not writing about how badly it initially hurt and how my leg completely gave way and I found myself sitting on the mat.

I am not writing about how I stood back up because I thought I was o.k., because I wanted to finish the night off on a good note, only to find that my knee didn’t work right anymore.

I am not writing about how I held it together just long enough to take my pads off, and rei out, before the inevitable tears came because I CAN NOT BE INJURED AGAIN-NOT NOW-NOT WHEN I WAS FEELING SO GOOD-NOT WHEN I WAS FEELING LIKE EVERYTHING WAS COMING TOGETHER SO NICELY.

I am not writing about how I had to sit-scoot-boom like Lil C, down the dojo stairs because I didn’t trust that my knee wouldn’t give out on me.

I am not writing about how everyone in the dojo jumped to my aid, packing up my bag, offering to drive me home (not necessary thanks to having an automatic), and how my instructor let me put my sweaty, tired, defeated arm around his neck so he could help me out to my car.

I am not writing about what the endless webpages about hyperextending your knee say.

I’m just not going to do it, because tomorrow this is going to all go away. Whatever I did will be gone, because it has to be, because it’s not fair any other way.

Also, because I checked that little box with my ad company where I promised not to swear.

Edited to add: Thanks for all your well wishes and positive thoughts. I have an appointment at 11:20 with an Ortho/Sports Medicine doctor. Send all the happy thoughts you can for that time period and I’ll let you know how it goes. Unfortunately, no one waved a magic wand over the knee last night. I’m pretty bummed.