September 11, 2007
Like a Sore Thumb
I recognized him instantly and it sent a chill down my spine. He stood there with a grocery basket in my grocery store. He wore a black baseball hat, a baggy t-shirt to match, and held an unlit cigarette in his hand. He stood apart from everyone else in the store. Instinctively, I held Lil C a little closer to me and was happy I hadn’t stuck her immediately in the truck cart.
I made sure to make eye contact with him. I wanted to send him a message that I knew exactly who he was, and that I am no one to be messed with. It wasn’t just my paranoia. My husband recognized him instantly too. After we were out of earshot, we both spoke at the same time, "That was definitely him."
About a month ago, I got an email from Family Watchdog. I had registered with them a while ago. Their site offers information on how to keep your children safe. They also offer notifications when a sex offender moves into your area. I have 111 sex offenders living in my area, but this email greatly disturbed me. This sex offender had moved .4 miles from my house, on the same street that I live on.
I was able to see his picture and some of the details of his arrest. When I took a walk with the girls a few days later, I realized that we often walk right past his apartment. It made me sick. I can deal with it when they live a few miles away, but within a few minutes walking distance is just entirely too close for comfort.
I don’t believe that sex offenders can be rehabilitated, especially those who go after children. People who go after minors have serious mental problems that can not be solved by a short jail sentence. I know all the issues with full jails, but I don’t think that convicted sex offenders should see the light of day. Why should I have to trust that they will treat me and my children with respect, when they have already shown once that they can’t?
I once read a research study somewhere that said that those who commit sexual assault are likely to be repeat offenders. My sister used to work with sex offenders. One day, one of the sex offenders attacked one of her co-workers. Once they’ve done it once, they will do it again. It’s only a matter of time and opportunity.
I know that they are walking amongst us all, but to recognize one of them so clearly in my own grocery store was so unsettling. I think about how I used to play outside for hours at a time when I was a little girl. My girls are under constant supervision when they’re outside. My parents never really talked to me about "bad people" when I was little. Sure, I got the "don’t talk to strangers" that every kid gets; but I have already had in depth conversations with Big I about what makes a good person, what makes a bad or dangerous person, and how she needs to handle herself if she’s unsure.
There are arguments that the problem is no worse today than it was years ago, and that crimes involving sexual attacks are picked up and blown up by the media. But it’s hard to deny that there’s a serious problem when you go to Family Watchdog, type in your address, and watch the screen light up with colored dots showing where convicted sex offenders live and work, within minutes of your home. When they’re also shopping at your grocery store, alongside you and your family, it really hits home.
Comments
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
That is scary that you just ‘ran’ into him like that, but at least your aware of the danger and make your children aware too.
Its really hard to know what to do with sex offenders, chemical castration is an option, but naturally, it has its critics and possible negative health side effects. Personally, I think in some cases, they should seriously consider it. (But thats just my opinion)
i don’t want to come off as feeling sorry for sex offenders because, i don’t, but i think that studies show most of these offenders have had similiar atrocities done to them. it’s a horrible, painful circle and i fear that we are not doing enough or enough of the right thing to change this reality. i would be extra cautious if i was a parent and would probably be getting those watchdog alerts- and those are just the ones we know about, not the ones that havent yet been caught. life seemed so much simpler when i was a kid.
I think it is indeed worse than when we were kids and the reason, in my opinion, is because the morals of our society have declined significantly. When we were kids you weren’t able to see naked bodies on TV or hear swear words on the radio. I don’t argue that sexual predators didn’t exist before now but I know it wasn’t the same.
I also agree with what you wrote about the slim chance of these types of criminals to ever be rehabilitated.
I do agree that some sort of means of castration, a “Lorena Bobbitt” (if you don’t remember who she is, look it up and you’ll remember) or something like that would be good. I just looked up our town, and there are NONE, thankfully, of any kind that are registered, so I’m glad about that. Nonetheless, I’m having my son attend a child safety training program that my dojo is offering for free, and includes a child ID kit. It’s supposed to show some self defense stuff, talk about stranger danger, and stuff like that. It’s Child Safety Month at all the ATAs in the country, so if there’s one near you, tell them I sent ‘ya. 😉 Might be good for Big I, since she’s old enough to understand.
First, I think they’re a bunch of sickos and I also believe that there is little chance of rehabilitation. Allowing sexual predators to run around is like allowing meth addicts to work in a pharmacy.
That said, for those of you who believe that castration is the answer, it’s been well established that sex crimes are almost never about sex. It’s about control and mental illness. Sexual arousal just isn’t often the case. Many times, impotence and feelings of inadequacy are a part of the sickness and castration may serve only to make them more likely to reoffend.
I’m with you about keeping your family safe, but I also wonder if he was just trying to buy some vegetables, wondering himself why some strange woman felt that it was necessary to give him the stink eye in the produce department.
Oh! Those people make me sick! Yep, I totally agree. That is not something that a little jail time fixes. Maybe a few offenders who get the tar punished out of them AND some therapy might never molest, rape, or kill again, but why should we risk letting them out? They clearly DIDN’T have respect for the law or respect for the kid(s) and their families when they did it the first time. So why would the second time be any different?
Rereading my last comment, I feel like I need to clarify. I don’t advocate allowing sexual predators to run around un-monitered, and under no circumstances should they be allowed to work around or be in unsupervised contact with children.
BUT… the double standard being applied is appalling to me. We don’t “register” murderers in this way. People who have taken lives, sometimes in heinous ways. Some have even killed children, but are allowed to live out their days in relative anonymity. They do their time and are then allowed, barring large scale notoriety, to rejoin the community. Thieves, robbers, arsonists and all manner of violent criminals are given a penalty and allowed to then rejoin society. Whether you believe that all crimes are equal, or that certain crimes are more deserving of our public scorn, I think violent crimes are right there with sex crimes.
Also, and as a guy with a daughter, believe me when I say that I never want her to date a boy… ever. But, among the “sexual predators” on these sites are 19 year old boys convicted of having had sex with a 16 year old girl (or similar depending upon the age of consent in that State). Knowing 19 year olds and 16 year olds and having known many who have dated, I find it within the realm of possibility that a kid is being treated unfairly for life.
It’s a complicated issue, and maybe my daily contact with the dregs of society has blinded me to the darkside, but I think that, as in all things, the situation should be viewed on a case by case basis and stand by my statement that maybe the guy just wanted to buy a bag of oranges. Just because a website tells you that someone is the bogyman doesn’t make it so.
By all means, take whatever measures are necessary to protect your child, but try not to overreact. Perhaps ignorance is bliss, and I wonder whether, if you knew how many violent offenders lived within a 5 mile radius of your home, you would ever let them leave the yard.
I have 75 offenders in my area according to that website. One location actually has two offenders at the same address! Knowing that one lives on your street is definitely a little too close to home. Thanks for that link.
I have no pity for people who hurt children, no matter the reason or whether they’ve been rehabilitated. Yes, please keep a watchful eye on this person and keep your girls far far far away.
Silverstar and Dani: Where my sister used to work, they had a few offenders who had been chemically castrated (actually it was on on-going process each week). Anyway, it eliminated one outlet in which to hurt people but didn’t change the fact that they were still very disturbed people and still capable of violence. I don’t know what the answer is, but I’d prefer that they weren’t living in my neighborhood.
Chris: Very true.
Sizzle: I agree with you. It’s a vicious cycle.
Scott: Exactly my point.
Steve: To your first comment, it’s entirey possible; but there’s also research showing that if you look people in the eye and show them you’re aware of them, they know you’re not vulnerable. It may not have been entirely necessary for me to make eye contact, but I felt like he was on my turf and I needed to let him know that I knew who he was. To your second comment, If I’m not mistaken (I could be), I believe that only those deemed “violent criminals” have to register under Megan’s Law. So, statutory rape offenders may be on there, but only if there was a violent component to it. I don’t believe that those convicted on the circumstances you mentioned qualify for having to register.
John: No problem! It’s a bit unsettling though to see how many!
Sesame: I saw him walking up my street as I returned from picking Big I up from school yesterday too. It’s way too close for comfort. I’m just glad for that website so I know.
I wish they could just lock up those perverts and throw away the key. Castration seems like a great idea too. Heck, lets do both!
Okay-yuk. Thanks for the link. I have always meant to check that site but never knew the address. They should all be castrated.
I was folowing links on Danielle V’s blog randomly and came accross this. I don’t know the specifics of Megan’s Law, but I do know that some registry laws vary state-to-state and quite a few of them require *all* sex offenders, whether it was violent or not to register. (So the example given above of the 19 year old and 17 year old, could be valid in some states.) Actually I’m slightly confused and concerned by what’s things don’t have to be listed from what I’m reading on the Megan’s Law website.
That said, I check the lists too when they exist for where I live. Not quite religiously, but often enough. I’m a rape survivor. I’d like to know. I care less about pictures and actually recognizing people and less
I’m not completely sure it’s all that much worse than it used to be, sadly. I think it’s just more known now. My view be coloured by having grown up in the 90s and only knowing past stuff from what I’ve read in autobiographies and memoirs or heard from older friends, though.
Oh, how frightening. Our newspaper occasionally publishes a supplement showing mug shots and addresses of sex offenders (who knows how recent or correct the addresses are). We can also go online. Even with all the background checks on people who work with kids, some offenders still slip through the cracks. I believe society needs to impose stricter punishments (after case-by-case review).
Their urges are compulsive. They can’t stop, even with therapy and even if they are chemically castrated, they still think and act on those urges in other ways.
I’ve seen and read enough interviews with sex offenders, pedophiles in particular, where they admit that they can’t be “fixed” and that they cannot stop.
WHY does our system let them out of jail? They all need to be sent to an isolated island that’s surrounded by sharks and have food dropped from a helicopter every month. Like a leper colony…