August 13, 2007

Pirate School Drop Out

I have always been intrigued by tales of pirates. We vacation regularly on the Outer Banks, which is said to have hundreds if not thousands of shipwrecks off shore. Black Beard stories are also plentiful, and even the story behind how Nags Head got its name is related to pirates.

Despite the fact that our home is filled up to the chimney with princess stuff, we also have a decent amount of pirate booty in these parts. Big I insisted on having pirate swords when we visited Disney World a few years ago. It can be quite challenging to maneuver a sword wielding three-year old around
Disney World. Trust me on this one.

She’s also added to her collection an eye patch, and a cool bandana complete with cross bones. We’ve had plenty of sword battles here, and since this family is familiar with samurai I’d have to honestly say that our sword battles more closely resemble something you’d see in Pirates of the Caribbean.

We’ve seen all but the last of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I joyfully watch these with Big I because if pirates look like Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, then sign me up and NOW. And don’t feel bad for Mr. BBM here, because I have told the man that it’s fine with me if he lets his hair grow long and mangy and stops brushing his teeth. Pirates are hot; well, the Hollywood ones anyway. Mr. BBM just thinks that such an appearance might be detrimental to his career advancement.

Each year, when it’s time to pick out Halloween costumes, I imagine that we’ll be invited to some cool party where we can go as a family of pirates. We know all the words to the pirate song "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me" and we can certainly talk in Piratese. "Yargh matey." You get the idea.

Unfortunately though, I think I’m going to have to drop out of Pirate training, because this wanna-be pirate may not ever be able to look at rum again. I’m pretty sure rum is a requirement.

Rum and I have a troubled relationship. Back at a college date party, my date (pre-Mr. BBM) decided that the drink of choice for the evening was Captain and Coke. Captain and Coke made me a very happy girl, right up until I wasn’t anymore. I stayed away from rum after that entirely.

Then a friend told me that I had to try a mojito this summer. Mojito’s have rum, club soda, lime, mint leaves and cane sugar and they are fabulous. We’ve made them for company multiple times and have enjoyed them on the few occasions where Mr. BBM and I actually manage to get the girls to bed before it’s time to crash ourselves.

Being that rum and I seemed to have repaired our relationship, I took a chance at a wedding reception we attended this weekend on some rum and diet coke. I was feeling fine. Like I said, rum tends to make me pretty happy. But we started talking to a relative and her husband and he started bringing me drinks much faster than I would have liked. But hey, they were little glasses with a lot of ice, and what’s a girl going to do when she’s standing no where near a table, hold two at a time? I mean, that’s just tacky. So I drank them and he continued to replace them and before I knew it, I was swaggering around just like a pirate.

When the reception was over, Mr. BBM and I followed the bride and groom into the hotel nightclub and danced our derrieres off until the wee hours of the morning. (It’s not often we have a babysitter people, so cut me a break.) It was quite fun, minus the fact that I spent hours dancing on 2.5 inch heels. Did you know that rum numbs the toes? Because I sure didn’t, not until the next morning when I woke up and thought that someone must have beaten both of my little toes with a hammer when I wasn’t looking. Either that or maybe someone dropped a cannonball or two on them. It’s possible. I’m sure pirates have that happen to them all the time.

I also learned why pirates have that swagger to their step. Rum can make one a bit wobbly, even the next day, especially after wearing high heels. That’s probably why pirates wear boots, or walk around in their bare feet. That’s also why they don’t have kids on their ships, because they need to be able to sleep until the rum has been deactivated.

The day after the wedding (before the rum had been properly deactivated), Mr. BBM decided that he wanted to take a windy, bumpy drive up to the top of a nearby mountain. It wasn’t really working for me. I realized that motion sickness is amplified by a former night of rum; and I made him take me back home to nurse myself back to wellness with some Oodles of Noodles soup and water.

Since I’m guessing that sailing on a pirate ship is probably more motion sickness inducing than driving in a car; and since I’m also guessing they don’t have the magic elixir known currently as ramen noodles. . I think my only choice is going to be dropping out of pirate school.

Somehow I’m thinking that when they said "Drink up me hearties, yo ho" they meant rum, exclusively. Switching to something else is going to be a serious faux pas. It’s a sad day people, but I’ll get over it eventually. This wanna-be-pirate has just walked the plank.

If you can’t get enough of me today, I’m once again guest posting over at TDA Training. As if rum wasn’t controversial enough, I’m blogging about faith, rank and Funakoshi.