The post where I make a fool of myself

July 5, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 25 Comments
Filed under: Favorite Posts, Just for Fun

When Karl emailed me a few weeks ago and asked me to guest blog over at his place, I was flattered to be among those he asked. He's calling it his Super Summer of Lovin' as he's asked only what he deems to be hot women bloggers to be guest posters.

Since I asked to be able to take my turn towards the end of the three weeks of guest posters, I've had lots of time to check out what the other women have been writing. There's lots of drooling over Karl and flattery galore. While all the saliva is completely justified because Karl is indeed a catch, I thought I'd take a bit of a different approach. . .

I've been saying for months now that maybe, just maybe I'll put up a video of myself doing a kata or something karate related. Who would have ever thought that my first video to hit the web would be one like this? Certainly not me, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I struggled with what to write over there and then realized that I shouldn't really write. I should just "perform."

To entice you to visit and see for yourself, here are some answers to common questions you might have after watching the video:

Yes, that is my daughter's echo microphone.

No, that is not actually my voice.

Yes, that is me doing something karate related; and yes, I am highly disturbed about how I look when I am doing something karate related (I have so much work to do).

No, none of the girls' toys were harmed during the filming of this video (I can't say the same for the pictures on my heavy bag.)

Yes, I was completely 100% sober.

No, I don't take myself too seriously so you probably shouldn't either.

Yes, I used my sai for the "carving."

I think that about covers it. Go watch, leave a comment over there for Karl, and then come back here and tell me what you think when the laughing or head shaking has subsided enough for you to type. Go on, go!

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What is it with Saliva?

July 3, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 9 Comments
Filed under: Mental Strain for Mama

I’ve been learning exactly why I used to teach high school and not elementary school. Big I is enrolled in a summer reading program. Since she was only in half day Kindergarten, I thought it would be a good idea to reinforce what she learned this past year and give her a head start for 1st grade. Parents are invited to sit in on the class to observe the ways they teach phonics and reading. So, for the past two weeks, I’ve spent two hours every week sitting in on this reading class.

Big I is enjoying it. I can’t say the same for myself. While I recognize that she is learning and that the program is beneficial for her, sitting through those classes is nothing short of torture for me.

This week, it took all I had to hold back from gagging as I watched a little boy continually licking his fingers and then picking his nose and rubbing his face. By the time the class was over, I was convinced that his face had a nice coating of saliva and boogies, and my stomach was threatening to rebel. There are also a couple kids who chew on or suck on their thumbs, not caring a bit that they’re drooling on themselves and the community crayons. Then they turn their crayons in to the teacher and there I am mentally cataloging the colors in case Big I gets those colors next week. Yeech.

Then there’s the bathroom brigade. These are the kids who can not hold it until the potty break, yet their accompanying parent or grandparent tells them they absolutely must wait until the teacher says they can go. Um, no. I was especially worried as I watched a little boy squirm in his seat and tell his grandmother that he really has "to go RIGHT NOW!" to no avail. I moved my purse and Big I’s bag too because although the grandmother was convinced, I certainly wasn’t that he was going to make it to potty time.

Then there’s the teacher. She’s very nice and very knowledgeable, but it’s quite obvious that I do not have the patience nor the voice to teach small children. She’s also quite talented at stopping mid-sentence to demand that little Howie "sit straight up in your chair please" without missing a beat. She always sounds super sweet when she’s making these plea’s to the kids. I just don’t have that in me. Never did.

When I taught high school, I think that most of the kids knew better that to mess with me. I wasn’t exactly a sweetheart of a teacher, and I certainly didn’t tolerate saliva issues or boogies for that matter. Eww.

Seeing what many of the kids who are Big I’s age act like, it’s now become very clear to me why we spent almost the entire school year being sick. This year, I think I’m going to install a hazmat shower outside my front door for when she comes home.

On Thursday, I am guest blogging over at Karl’s place. My guest post will feature a Black Belt Mama debut video, and I doubt you want to miss that! Have a Happy saliva free 4th of July!