June 3, 2007

Adventures in Self Tanning

I’m hoping for cool weather this week. My self tanner and I had a bit of a disagreement as to how our relationship should work. I was under the assumption that a fine mist of product would produce a subtle "glow"; it was under the impression that I wanted to look like a zebra or a splotchy cow perhaps.

As much as I would like to sun bathe, my dermatologist scared the living daylights out of me and it’s been minimum SPF 30 for me since then. That doesn’t mean I have to be pasty and transparent all summer though. Apparently there are all of these wonderful new self tanning products out on the market. At least that’s what I heard from some of the Mom’s of Big I’s classmates.

At her class picnic last week, I heard all about the good ones and the bad ones. I decided that after a long break from Cheeto’s-like skin coloring, I’d give it just one more try. I tried some L’Oreal misting stuff and I really wish I hadn’t. It’s a fine mist that you spray on and it seemed like there was absolutely no room for error. I stood in the shower stall and used what I thought was flawless precision to spray on my new tan.

I’m not sure if my lack of precision is to blame for my zebra striped legs, or if I should be blaming the boys on Big I’s t-ball team who splashed mud all over my legs yesterday, making me wipe it off and perhaps taking the self tanner along with it. Notice that nice white chunk down the front of my leg. This is pretty much the theme for my entire tanning job on my legs.

Did you notice how I said I stood in the shower to spray on my tan? Well, apparently my shower floor was dry at the time and I did not think about the bottoms of my feet and their rendezvous with the self tanning mist for one second. That was, until I was inspecting a cut on my heel that I got from some random thing on the dojo floor last week during class. I turned my foot over to see how that cut was doing and was greeted with the most tan foot bottom that I have ever seen. Yes, those feet are fresh from the shower and completely clean. In addition, exfoliated like a mad woman. Mineral oil- check. Foot scrubber- check. Foot file- done. And nothing worked.

I came downstairs after discovering the new vibrant shade of all things feet and told my husband and our weekend company about my discovery. It only took a second or two for Mr. BBM to get a very concerned look on his face and flip his own feet over so he could inspect them. And sure enough. . . his feet now match mine. That’s the problem with getting in the shower after your wife gives the shower stall a nice mist of self tanner. Needless to say, Mr. BBM is really happy with me today.

I realize that there are not going to be a lot of people checking out the bottoms of my feet. . . unless of course you acknowledge my fellow dojo-goer’s who may be subjected to some extremely pigmented feet this week. I am also going to the beach in another week or so and I’m hoping that by then, they’re a more, well, natural shade of skin.

As for my legs? The question right now is: should I try to correct or just wait until it fades? There are always nylons I guess, until my little problem clears up. . . nylons in 80 degree weather = fabulous fun after all. After my stripes are gone? I think I’ll just go back to being pasty white again.

Pasty white is the new hot. . . because I said SO!