Backorder Bummer

May 3, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 8 Comments
Filed under: Mental Strain for Mama

I haven’t ordered anything from Victoria Secret in a long time, so I forgot how entertaining it is talking to the customer service people there.

Back when I was in college, I called to order a swimsuit. I placed my order and was ready with my credit card, but then the guy (because the VS customer service people are all guys it seems) says, "You know what would look really good with that swimsuit?" Like an idiot, I indulged him and before I knew it I got a box the size of Texas in the mail complete with my swimsuit, underwear, shorts, sweatshirt, cover-up and about eight other tops.

How did that happen? Easily. Take one customer service GUY who says things like "You’d look hot in that", add one insecure college girl and you’ve got a credit card disaster in the making.

This morning, I logged onto Victoria Secret and ordered my swimsuit and then the computer told me that it was backordered. Not only was it backordered in black; it was also backordered in emerald, red and pink. It will not ship until May 24th so Memorial Day weekend at the beach will be spent watching the festivities from the sidelines, unless I can dig in my drawer and find something suitable.

I hate that you go through the whole ordering process only to find out at the end of the process that your swimsuit is currently being harvested from some spandex field in Thailand or something. I started over several times with many different swimsuits and came to the conclusion that every swimsuit is backordered until about October, so it was pointless. I had no idea there was a worldwide shortage of appropriate swimsuit material. Someone should really be looking into this and making women aware in December so we could plan ahead. I’m just going to have to take my chances that the one I want will come in early or just deal.

I also had to call VS this morning to ask a question about sizing. I got a male customer service representative and he asked for the item number. Once he found my tankini, he exclaimed, "Ooh, that’s cute!" I mumbled something about hoping it would look as cute on me; and he saw an opportunity. "Oh, I’m sure it will. You’re hot! This is a camera phone."

Back in my college days, I probably would have blushed and then purchased about $300 worth of clothing and other crap I didn’t need and couldn’t afford. Today I said, "Yeah? Well if this was a camera phone, then you would know that I am still in my oversized pajamas, haven’t washed my hair in a few days, and I look and feel like crap." Then I coughed. I think he was convinced, because he laughed and then mumbled something about finding that sizing chart. He knew his cover was blown.

This morning, it may have taken me three hours to order my swimsuit, but at least all I ordered was a swimsuit and it might even be here by August.

This just in. . . Lindsay Lohan’s Mom is currently burning up the phone lines trying to get the co-host job on The View. Was there ever more of a reason to email Barbara for me????

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Flat Abs Guaranteed

May 1, 2007 by Black Belt Mama · 9 Comments
Filed under: Lessons I've Learned

I don’t know why I’ve wasted my time with Pilates or sit-ups, crunches or ab machines. I’ve found the perfect way to tone and tighten abs without doing any exercising at all. . .

Bronchitis.

I’m telling you, my stomach muscles have never been tighter than they are right now. This wicked cough I have is totally paying off. Sure, I have to deal with the hacking discomfort every time I cough; and yes, it certainly is unpleasant when those coughs become productive. But my abs I tell you, they are stellar right now. They are so stellar in fact, that I have decided to go out on a limb and order this. . .

. . . without trying it on first. (Yeah, I know. If the abs are that great then why am I not going out on a limb and getting a bikini? I’ll tell you why. Bronchitis may tighten and tone, but bronchitis wants nothing to do with helping on the stretch mark front.) See that little one inch span of stomach there? I can handle that, and if I’m having a bad day I’ll wrap my obi (karate belt) around my waist and say I’m wearing my summer gi.

I don’t know what it is about the Victoria Secret swimsuit catalog, but it brings out the gambler in me. I know that I can walk in any department store and try on 40 swim suits without finding one that I like. Yet, I am completely confident that even without appropriate sizing information, I am going to order this one and be happy. Maybe it’s the lack of dressing room lighting and the comfort of home; but tonight’s the night. I am ordering that swimsuit.

Plus, I figure once I hack up these lungs I’ll have a bunch more room in there and maybe things will flatten out even further. See, there’s a silver lining to even the darkest of clouds.

Bronchitis = flat abs. Who knew? Now if I could just figure out a way to get that nasty cough to work on my thighs. . . hmm. . .

And for all my karate readers, I’ll have something to say about karate again, just as soon as I can get my sick butt back to class. Since I’m sick and you’re all feeling appropriately bad for me, scroll down the previous post, vote for me, and email Barbara. Pretty please???