April 24, 2007
No Karate=Momzilla
I can not ever miss an entire week of karate again. I become a Momzilla when I don’t get my fill of punches, kicks and kata. I went to karate tonight after a week hiatus; and I feel like a new woman.
My instructor looked at most of my open hand kata’s tonight. After she found so many things to fix in Nai Hanchi Shodan, I was worried. My worry was unnecessary, because some kata’s got a nod of approval without needing to change a thing. I have my problem kata’s and I have some things to work on, but I feel like I’m in pretty good shape at this point. I haven’t felt like that in a long time.
I need to learn my last two kata’s (Seisan and Nakamura No Sai), and then I will know most of what I need to for black belt testing.
Of course, don’t ask me about bunkai (application). That’s an entirely different story.
And since I mentioned it, an entirely different story. . .
I took Big I to a birthday party this weekend. I ended up hanging out with some of the other Mom’s while the kids were off doing what kids do at birthday parties. One Mom was telling me that her daughter is unable to have play dates during the week because she doesn’t get home until 3:30 in the afternoon. Most of Big I’s classmates are in full day Kindergarten. Big I is half day, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, I casually agreed with this Mom that full day is a long day and that it would be next to impossible to have any play dates during the week. I said that it hadn’t even occurred to me that full day kids couldn’t really have play dates, because Big I is half day. It was a friendly, casual conversation.
This is when another Mom, who wasn’t part of the original conversation started blurting out things like, "My daughter was ready for full day" and "She likes being in school all day long" and "When she’s at home she tells me how bored she is" and "She likes to be able to spend all day with her friends because they get more time to play" and "Even when it’s the weekend my daughter tells me that she wishes she was in school."
What she really meant was, "I chose full day Kindergarten and full day Kindergarten is THE BEST!"
What I want to known is why these Mom’s feel it’s necessary to do that. I think half day Kindergarten is the way to go, but do I tell the full day Mom’s that my decision is the best and only decision to make and that they’re wrong? No. It’s an individual choice. Some mothers have to work all day long or choose to do so. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my kids. I have not once ever made a comment to any of the other Mom’s about half day being better. Yet every time I am around many of the full day Mom’s, they do this to me. It’s almost like they feel that it’s their duty to let me know that by not sending my child to full day Kindergarten, I’m basically neglecting her.
As this Mom was on her manic tirade of "full day is the BEST" crap, I felt like interrupting her and saying "I’m so glad you don’t have any guilt about sending your kid off for the entire day, because Man, I totally would." I should have said it and walked away to let her put that in her pipe and smoke it. I just don’t understand why they feel they have to justify their decision constantly if they truly think that full day is the best way. They’re not going to convince me I chose the wrong option for my child.
Last week, Big I had a play date with another half day kid and she had a blast. While she was playing games, making cupcakes and playing dress-up, the full day kids were in school doing what they always do.
I know I made the right decision for our family. Why can’t the other Mom’s feel confident enough in their decisions to just leave me alone with mine?
Maybe if I had my normal dose of karate last week, those comments wouldn’t have irritated me so much. Then again, comments like that tend to turn me into an instant Momzilla anyway. I doubt it would have had any impact.
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Full day kindergarten? Wow, that’s new to me. Over here, we have full day childcare but kindergarten is about 3 hours long. I think what the mother also meant is kindergarten is great for herself cos she has more time on her own without her daughter to bug her…
He he he – Momzilla….
Anyway back to the point…you’re exactly right – you have to do what you think is the right thing to do. We have P in a preschool for a full day and a half day every week at the moment. Right now she needs the interaction with the other kids to help bring her on (and hopefully get her speaking more!) which is something we can’t give her at home. But – that’s what is right for us and her right now! Not anyone else – if they feel they have to defend their decision all the time then they obviously aren’t comfortable with or or jealous that you’ve time to spend with Big I!
breathe in, bbm. You think that’s air you’re breathing?
Everybody does that.
I believe it comes from them giving too much energy and not knowing how to fill their own energy. Therefore prying on other’s to fullfil their daily needs.
And look, she did get some. You were at home later still not feeling “right”. Having to write about it.
When you are with people who don’t need to feed on others, you feel it. You’re just in a state of understanding, of being well. Their energy is everywhere. It’s not a “Jane” thing. Everyone has their little problems. But it’s how we deal with those that make the difference.
Come to think of it. Karate helps. You develop more in there than what you bargained for. That doesn’t mean :”go hit her!” but rather than such acts become something… easier to cope with. Put music on, do a kata. You’ll see!
Be well 🙂
it’s such bullshit how people put their “stuff” on other people. i kinda would have liked to have seen you say that to her. take that you annoying woman! 🙂
Some moms can be so opinionated. Why can’t moms just agree that there is more than one way to do things and that every mom has to pick what works best for their family. I was in half-day kindergarten and that worked well for my mom. My daughter was in full-day because that was what worked best for us .Sheesh! She needs to butt out and get a life.
Great Blog! Just wait until Big I gets into grade school, it only gets worse. Here are a few of the things you will have to look forward to:
1) The “We don’t let little Johnny watch television” parents. These people surface immediately after you mention how you let your child watch a PG-13 show and they speak to you as if you were a toothless, banjo playing hill-billy while they lecture you on the irreparable damage television causes children.
2) The home school parents. These parents, who see no value in the socialization kids get as a result of interacting with kids the same age, will tell you the virtues of this type of schooling and how their kids are already on the path to the Ivy League–while your kids will have to settle on Junior College.
3) The alternative education parents. This is the newest sub-culture of pretentious BS in grade school academia. These people enrol their children in schools where-for instance, French is the only language spoken and try to appear as the intellectually enlightened, in spite of the fact their little Johnny has no grasp of most of his core subjects because he can understand only 10% of what his teacher is saying.
4) Fluffy academic parents. These are the type of people who value the politically correct ideas and silly projects assigned by grade school teachers which are are expensive, time consuming and symbolic gestures which have virtually no direct educational benefit to the student.
Parents are also expected to pay for and complete these projects. Example: my 4th grade son was just given a project to make a float WITH WHEELS like you would see in a parade for his state of Florida project. It cost me $60 in materials and Lord only knows how much in time. My question is how is a 4th grade kid supposed able to know how to make a float? Just ask the Fluffy Project parent–he/she can tell you.
5. The Home Room Mom- This is the last category of annoying parent. The home room Mom thinks any parent who works is selfish and is neglecting her child. She/he will “Ssshh” you on the days when you take off work and help out in class and talk down to other adults as if they were students.
Sorry for the long winded reply but your blogs bring out the blabber mouth in me. Keep up the good work.
And here I thought the only animosity was between the working and stay-at-home moms. I don’t think we have a choice in kindergarten time in my state. But then there is half-day and full day day care.
I like Christoher 39’s take on parents of school-age kids.
It’s looking like I won’t be doing any Hapkido this week. Mind if I call you when I’m grouchy?! Hee hee.
You know, Big I is going to have 12 years ahead of her of all day school. She deserves to transition into this, and get to see her mommy! Life is too short.
My mother put me in half-day when I started kindergarten. It was a good transition for me – I wasn’t part of playdates and whatnot, so this was all new territory. If she had stuck me in all day (if that was even available when I was a kid) I probably would have been traumatized. Sheesh.
I agree with you on not forcing motherly opinions onto other mothers. There are SO MANY right ways but also so many ways to screw things up. A mother who can’t understand that has some serious issues.
That said, I have to be honest– I wish we had full day kindergarten here for my daughter who will be headed there in the fall. She will be six a week after school starts and she would really benefit from the full day program. School districts should really think about adopting both programs. My son was in half-day and it was perfect for him. A choice would be nice.
I think you pegged it right on when you brought up the guilt thing. I think she feels guilty about not having her child stay home with her, and needs to somehow justify that decision. I went to half day kindergarten (it’s all we had back then) and I turned out ok.
Around here, all public schools have full day kindergartens only. Only the private schools have half day.
Huh – Aaron is in full day Kindergarten, but that’s because he needs both PT and OT help during school, and if he was there only half-day he’d get precious little of either. He’s also the oldest kid in his class (summer birthday), so it’s been a good choice for him. It’s not for everybody.
Good luck with Seisan. It’s a kick-ass kata. It’s the first one I learned and still a favorite.