January 26, 2007

Carjacked by a Pit Bull

Today I was carjacked by a pit bull.

What? You think I'm kidding, because NO.

Lil C is sick and had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Big I, Lil C and I went to get in our van and that's when it happened. I opened the doors automatically with the remote, and Big I was about to get in when I heard her say, "Mommy?" with this weird kind of questioning tone. Lil C was in her carseat and I was just about to buckle her in when I looked up and saw this dog come bounding into my van past Big I.

I immediately grabbed Lil C out of her seat and stepped back and told Big I to do the same. I yelled at the dog to get out of my van, but he had other plans. He jumped into the front passenger seat with his muddy feet and made himself at home.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I am NOT a big fan of dogs and that is putting it lightly. I had a suspicion that the dog was a pit bull and that made it even worse.

I flung open the passenger door and yelled at the dog to get out again. He (yes, HE, because it was obvious when he stood up and jumped) barked at me and jumped over to the driver side seat, barked some more, and also muddied that seat. I went over to that side of the car and opened the driver side door. He jumped back over to the passenger side. I was not amused.

As I stood outside in the freezing cold, clutching my sick baby and standing guard in front of my 5-year old, I started shaking. What the hell was I going to do? The dog would not get out of my van. I was quickly becoming late for our appointment, and Mr. BBM is conveniently out of town on a business trip (which he always is when crazy crap like this happens to me).

So, I rang my neighbor's doorbell. My neighbor opened his door, waved and smiled and then his jaw dropped as he looked at my van and saw this big dog sitting in my car staring defiantly at us.

"I don't know what to do. Can you PLEASE help me?" I pleaded with him. He has two dogs himself, so he said he'd come out with one of them and lure the dog out of my car. He brought out his brave dog and the pit bull immediately jumped out of the van and went running towards my neighbor's dog. They barked and jumped at each other and then the pit bull ran around them in circles for a while as I closed all the van doors and got the girls buckled in.

Once I had them safe, I got out and asked my neighbor if he thought we should call the police. The dog had a collar and some strange tattoo on its back, but no leash, no tags, and apparently no owner who was anywhere nearby. So, I called the police and they quickly told me they were busy on calls and that I should call the Animal Rescue League. (I am now seriously late for Lil C's appointment.)

I called the Animal Rescue League and the woman I spoke to first started running through all the lost dogs that had been reported in my area. "No, it's definitely NOT a poodle I told her," and "No, it doesn't have curly hair." I told her it had markings like a cow and that it was definitely MALE and that it was a muscular dog with a pushed in face and she said, "You don't think it's a pit bull do you?" I told her that had been my first impression and then she asked me to hold.

Meanwhile, my awesome neighbor (who is totally getting a bottle of wine and some cake, minimum), is outside in the freezing cold, watching my children who are snug in the van and using his dog as bait. Do I owe him or what?

Another woman gets on the phone and now there is no messing around. "Where do you live?" she said. She asked for my phone number and I told her I had to leave so I went outside to ask my neighbor for his phone number. As he's relaying the number to me, the pit bull comes running and barking at me. I had to slam the door to keep him from charging in my house. And now I'm wondering how I'm even going to get out to my van. You don't exactly learn self defense against dogs in karate, and I highly doubt that shaking so bad that my knees knock and shrieking is an effective strategy.

The woman said she was on her way and I went out to tell my neighbor. I also told him I had to leave because I was now a good 20 minutes late for Lil C's appointment. He said it wasn't a problem (maybe he deserves a gift certificate for dinner too?) and I jumped in my van and drove away.

When I got to the doctor's office, I apologized for being late and said that I knew this was going to sound like "The dog ate my homework" excuse, but that I had some stray pit bull jump in my van and was unable to get him out, etc. etc. etc. News spread like wildfire and since I had the doctor's sympathy I was pretty close to asking him for some anti-anxiety meds because, MAN, DID I NEED SOMETHING!

After an ear infection diagnosis and a stop at the very crowded pharmacy where Lil C was fascinated with the shelves containing boxes of condoms, which made Big I ask me about 10,000 questions about what they were and what they're used for, etc. etc. etc. (Can I tell you how fried my nerves are????), we made our way home. (The answers to her questions, by the way, were "Ask me in 10 years or so". . . which amused the other waiting sick people at the pharmacy to no end. Somehow it's not so amusing when it's YOUR 5-year old asking the questions).

Once home, my neighbor told me that while waiting for the Animal Rescue League, he had to go in his house at one point because the dog started growling at him and he got a little scared. When the woman from the ARL pulled up, the dog went right to her, but then started to growl at her as well. She confirmed that it was definitely a pit bull, and she asked my neighbor to apologize to me for all the poodle questions etc. that the first girl dealt out on the phone. Whatever. I'm just glad that the dog is not running around in my front yard, carjacking people anymore.

My neighbor and I were then discussing this odd tattoo on the dogs back. It looked like it was written in Chinese or something. We were both wondering if the dog wasn't one of those basement fighting dogs that had become injured and just dropped off somewhere. It ran fine, but when it was standing still it would hold it's left leg up a bit. And that's when it hit me how very lucky we were today. That situation could have ended very badly. And whoever owns or owned that dog??? Here's a big virtual SLAP for you.

So, because being carjacked by a dangerous dog wasn't enough excitement for one day, I decided that since it wasn't already snowing, Big I and I would go to karate tonight. I dropped Lil C off at my parent's house and we went to karate. It was just cold, no snow in sight when we went in the dojo. There are no windows in the dojo, so when I opened the door and saw Antarctica I was a bit shocked.

I hate driving in snow. Once when Mr. BBM and I were in college, we were in a Thanksgiving day pile up on a major highway after a tractor trailer struck and totaled our car during a freak snow squall.

This was a complete white out and I had trouble seeing the road. It should have taken me 15 minutes, but instead it took me a good 45 just to get to Lil C. I then loaded her in the car and it took another 45 minutes to get back home. There were accidents on the road, cars that were stuck or sitting on the side of the road, and complete idiots driving entirely too fast who were all making me very nervous. I have never been so happy to get home.

Then, since Mr. BBM is out of town, I had to take over his job of feeding my cats. My one cat proceeded to eat some of his food and then barf it back into his bowl.

Is this day over yet? Seriously, because being carjacked by a pit bull, having a toddler with an ear infection, having to divert questions from my 5-year old about condoms, driving through snow squalls and having to clean up cat puke all in one day????

It's a little much.

When I was tossing around the idea of starting a blog, I used to read Amalah and think about all the crazy weird stuff that happened in her life and how mine was relatively "vanilla" in comparison. Amalah can make a trip to IKEA sound like a trek around the world, and crazy stuff happens to her!!! And just last week, someone left a homeless fish in Dooce's driveway! How weird is that? But apparently, my house is now the dumping ground for tattooed pit bulls and I'm thinking that if things keep up like this, there will be no shortage of blog fodder anytime soon.

And now, it is 12:04 AM.

I've managed to actually make it through this day.

Edited to add: To all the visitors from Cracked.com, welcome! And just to add to your discussion, Batman isn't real dude. I'm a Mom and I was holding a baby and protecting a 5-year old at the time. Mad ninja skills don't work when you're wearing your Mom costume. Glad you find amusement at this; also glad I also can now. . . now that I've moved.