October 25, 2006
Not Me
I don’t want to be that person. Sometimes I wonder if I am. Starting out in the martial arts at 29 seems to be ancient. I wonder if the parents who watch their children from the comfort of the waiting area are thinking I should give it up; karate is for kids, not their parents. I wonder what other people think about how I do my kata, how I spar. Do they think I’m a joke? Do they think I’m good? Do they think I’m silly for starting so late?
It’s easy to doubt yourself when it took a good ten years to start on the path that you wanted to all along but were too afraid to try. It’s easy to wonder, when you see your reflection at the dojo, wearing that brown belt, if you’ve really earned it, if you really know your stuff as well as you should.
After studying karate for a few years, I can look at others and know which ones are really nailing their kata, and which ones are sort of going through the motions. Am I going through the motions or do I look like I know what I’m doing?
If you ask my Mom about me and my karate she will tell you how great I am at it. She will say about my karate skills, "She’s a natural. It just comes so easily for her. She’s really great at it." She brags about me to her friends, and although I’m flattered and happy that she thinks I’m so great, I know that she is, after all, my Mom. That’s what Mom’s do. They praise and brag. It’s in the Mom wiring.
Recently several students at our dojo competed in a tournament. I didn’t go. I wouldn’t have been able to anyway, seeing as how sick I was; but even if well, I doubt I would have gone. I haven’t ever really considered going to tournaments. The martial arts journey has been personal for me. The idea of putting it out there in a public arena is a little unsettling. Trophies are nice and all, but who knows if I’d even get one. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing? The 31-year old brown belt who is there and is a complete joke. Who let her in here anyway?
In the safety and comfort of the dojo, where the environment is so supportive, you can start to let yourself believe that what you’re doing is right, that others see what you’re doing and think that you know what you’re doing. At a tournament? You might become one of people that everyone sort of laughs at, the joke.
When it all boils down, it shouldn’t really matter what other people think about me, my kata, my karate. It should really only matter what I think of myself. But getting to that point is going to be the hard part.
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I agree with you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I’ve had the same issue this year, but not about my technique. I’m comfortable with my skill, but my ability to keep up with the class leaves something to be desired. I decided that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks anymore.
I started at 36!! What does that say about me!!! 😀
I know what you mean though – my main purpose for training is for me! I did worry about keeping up (I wasn’t in great shape when I first started) but I look around the class sometimes and my form is better than some of the younger ones, my commitment is stronger and even my fitness and flexibility is good! Having been out for 5 months I’ve had a lot of time to watch the other and see this! (However, my timing is now a bit out!)
I started at 38, and my friend Tom started at 53. No one laughs at us. No one thinks we’re a joke. Martial arts is for everyone, regardless of age, gender, or physical ability. It can be adapted to fit anyone’s needs. You have the right to be there. If anyone says or thinks differently, then they don’t get what it is all about. They’re the ones who shouldn’t be there.
I could have written this post. I started at 28 I think….I can’t remember, maybe it was 29 as well, lol
I wanted to take classes as a kid, but I was afriad of being the only white belt, the only one who didn’t know what they were doing, and the kiai!!! Oh no, that woudl make people look at me. THe last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself.
Now at 31 and a red belt (forver! geesh) I sometimes feel like I’m too old for this, lol, but it’s so much a part of who I am that I could never give it up.
I’m a firm believer that you do what is right for you! What other people think is not important. By the way, I doubt you would be a joke if you did compete, but again, it’s what’s right for you.
You’re doing much better than I am, BBM. I started when I was over 30, when we lived in Colorado, but I stopped practicing when we moved here to NoVa five years ago and haven’t started again. It was strange at first to get tutored by 10-year olds, but eventually it felt natural. After all, they had the knowledge and the skills and I didn’t. Part of the journey is moving not only to a place where your form is perfect, but to a place where it doesn’t matter what others think of you. I still haven’t made it there yet, but you’re well on your way.
I’d be the same way…..
It’s great that you go, and who needs touramants anyway, like you said…personal journey. That satisfaction that your doing what you’ve always wanted to do is soooo much better than any piece of metal.
Karate is not for kids. Kids can learn kata and self defense, but it takes a mature mind to grasp karate. Some budo styles do not allow students under the age of 18. Don’t get thrown off by the large amount of kids found in karate these days.
It’s a good thing that you analyze and push yourself, just don’t let it get too detrimental. You’re your toughest critic, the parents are more concerned about watching their kids.
Don’t spend a second of anxiety over tournaments. They are silly, odd things. The only reason to go to a tournament is to conquer your own fears of performing and to increase your focus in a bustling environment. You never know what kind of people you’ll be judged by, what they are looking for, or if they have any clue as to what they’re doing. Sometimes you win trophies, sometimes you don’t.
remind me in class to talk about some of this stuff, it’ll be easier then typing it all up.
I’ve been in your shoes. I started at age 36!
You seem so passionate about Karate. There is no way you should give it up!
There’s a common American misconception that the martial arts (Karate in particular) are geared towards children; that it’s an activity like soccer to brag about and to boost their physical activity.
While this is certainly one modern application, we have to be realistic – there are many, MANY techniques I won’t show our kids class and I hesitate to show the adults. This is a lifelong study and commitment, one that comes with a great responsibility to yourself and others.
Keep in mind, also, the effect it has on your body. You will forever look, feel, and act younger than your age. The lifelong health benefits alone can help you get over the whole “feeling old” thing. 😉
Although I must admit I have students pointing out my new (and quickly growing) gray spots… 🙁
A little kid I was helping asked me what age I started. I looked up like I was thinking and said, “39”. Better late than never. There is a 68 yr. old brown belt in one of my classes. I can tell he doesn’t like the throws as much as the kata, but he does fine. If the parents are thinking bad things about you, it may be because you are making them look bad by being a do-er!
I started in my TKD a little more than a year ago at the ripe old age of 37. And I’m not quite a black belt yet either. And I wonder about how I do. It’s ironic, but tonight (10/27), I just did an interschool tournament, and due to the lack of adult participants, it was me against 3 other adults, namely a purple belt woman (2 ranks below me, but a color belt no less), a 2nd degree woman who’s a state champ, and a 2nd degree guy. I managed to eek out 2nd place in sparring (my least favorite thing to do), and 3rd in weapons, but no placing at all in forms. Bleeh! Not my best showing, but considering the competition, I know I should be glad I did as well as I did. There are a LOT of active adults in the program at my school. And most of them are 1st and 2nd degree black belts. I think my main instructor started in her mid to late 20s, and she’s now a 4th degree working on her 5th degree at age 41 (yesterday was her birthday). So, hell with them. Go to a tournament for the experience of competing outside of your comfort zone, to see how your skills fare against others, not only in their strengths, but in seeking weaknesses as well that can be worked on.
Hey blackbeltmama… I was a whitebeltpapa at 29 and that’s when I started martial arts. It’s now 30 years later and my skills are better than at 29. It has become a way of life… I have traveled across the globe training and then eventually giving international seminars. More importantly I have raised 4 wonderful kids in the dojo environment and they too have loved it. Don’t become your own opponent but make sure you do battle with ego… as they say in Japan “Gambate”!
I started Tae Kwon Do when I was 35 (with no prior martial arts training at all) and got my black belt.
There were a lot of students in my school that were MUCH older than I was. Age is really not an issue. I think adults learn martial arts better than kids, because we have the maturity and focus, and also because we really want this for ourselves, instead of taking the training because someone else wants us to.
I’ve competed many times before, and I did it to challenge myself (reaching new goals and overcoming my own fears & insecurity). It’s very empowering for me. And, of course, as a mom, I also (secretly) hope that my action would be empowering for my children too. 🙂 In the end, it’s not important how others see you or how you are stacked up against others. Getting the medals and other outside validation is just a bonus. What’s most important is how you see/feel about yourself.
Mine was kickboxing, and it wasn’t because of my age, but my weight. Took me forever to go to the class at the Ymca. Took me forever to really put strength to the movements because I was so self conscious. Somewhere along the way I realized I had a apptitude for it. I realized that regardless of what size I was at the moment, I could do this. I started to believe in myself and stopped caring if anyone was watching. There was a moment there of complete self acceptance and I know it’s because I started out on a journey that took me years to find the bravery just to take the first step. You’re right, trophies don’t matter, what matters is that you feel comfortable in yourself, your abilities and enjoy every second of something that completes you.
Don’t feel ancient. At forty-three I began Moo Sul Kwan Taekwando. Yeah, the body hurts some days and I’m not as quick as the others, but I love it. Twenty-nine might feel old, but time will pass quickly and it will seem quite young one day.
I’ve wandered over from Amalah’s space, and was reading through your backlog.
I started TKD (Korean, we have a dojang and do hyungs instead of a dojo and kata, but both are linear arts and very related (well, Tang su do is, and TKD is a modernized TSD)) at 33 after watching my son do it for a couple months, and I wish I had done it sooner. Best thing I ever did for myself.
Don’t worry about what other people think, it’s all about you, whether working kata alone at home or in the dojo in front of a crowd. All that matters is your personal progress.
Competitions aren’t as bad as you think. Go watch one. If you chose to compete, it would be against other people in your age group and at your rank.
Underbelts aren’t expected to compete with Black belts. If they could, they’d BE Black belts.
I think especially if you are older, then you should compete at tournaments. I just turned 40 and went to my first taekwondo tournament and there was no female opponent in my age division so I had a “friendly match” with a 15-year old girl. I would have liked to fight someone my own age, so by all means, don’t keep holding back!